How to stop the anger and inner turmoil
Last week, I posted a message on a board for marital issues. Since most of the issues I'm experiencing are related to SD. I naturally included her and her mannerisms (and my reaction to her) in the post.
I just about got crucified by almost everyone who responded. All they kept repeating was "that poor kid," "that poor girl," etc. when referring to SD. It made me so angry because most of these people have no idea what the step dynamic is like and they basically told me, in so many words, that my feelings don't matter because I'm an adult and I should be bending over backwards for SD. Some of them were single parents who remarried, so they based their "advice" on how THEY would feel if their SO didn't like their child.
If anything, it confirmed how little respect stepparents get in society. If a stepparent sacrifices everything, including their own happiness, to raise a stepkid, then society responds with "awww...so nice." But, if a stepparent is an actual human being with complex emotions who doesn't appreicate being taken advantage of, society responds by calling the stepparent a selfish asshole who should have known what they were getting into!
Also, because complete strangers felt more sorry for a stepkid who is completely unlikeable, it somehow made me resent her even more.
This morning, SD started middle school, and because I drive her to school (we only have one car and the school doesn't have a bus) I told my wife that we needed to leave by a certain time since the school is 15 minutes out of my way in the opposite direction. When my wife woke up SD this morning, SD said she wanted to leave at 7:30am instead of 10 minutes earlier. It's little things like that. It enrages me that SD gets to make those kinds of decisions. The entire morning isn't about HER. I still have to drive 45 minutes to work after I drop her off and maybe I don't want to be late for work everyday! It's like nobody event takes me into consideration. More and more, I just feel like I don't matter in my own home.
I'm just venting. Thanks for listening.