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Question about Christmas decorating

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Given the situation that I described in my last blog, I have a question about Christmas decorating. I really do not want to put up SS's stocking or ornaments on the tree. I haven't discussed it with DH, but I'm sure he's figuring it out as I decorate. He possibly might be ok about it. I just don't know what his family may say if they come over and notice his stocking is obviously missing. I'm just so extremely stressed given everything recently that I cannot handle more BS and will likely go off irrationally if someone says something.

My daughter's safety must come first

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My DH and I have been married for almost 6 years. Almost immediately after we got together, SS at the time 4 now 10 started living with us the majority of the time. We didn't just battle in court for BM to have little or no visitation it was an all out war. She is an untreated bipolar and god knows what else and just a horrible parent and human being for so many reasons but that's not my current problem. She has been out of the picture for going on 3 years now on her owe accord. I've been raising him as my own, and he sees it that way as well.

BM is making our case for us

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As of today, BM has not exercised 5 out of 8 visitations. She did not see him on Christmas or on New Year's. On Christmas eve, she texted saying that she would be picking him up by taxi. Dh called her and asked if she felt picking him up alone was a good idea considering she has a warrant out and the D.A. is working on criminal charges for her molesting SS. She is supposed to pick him up and visit with him at her mom's house, but they are not restricted there. She had been and still is fighting with her mom and sister (who lives next door to their mom).

SS MAY FINALLY SEE JUSTICE FOR BM'S MOLESTATION!!!

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We receieved a letter yesterday from the d.a.'s officer requesting that SS and Dh go meet with her on January 9 regarding a "pending criminal matter against Bm." Yaaaaay!!! Justice finally may be served!!! It looks like they may charge her with sexual battery, "touching the genitals of another without consent." The reason for this charge and not a more serious molestation charge is they couldn't prove intent to cause arousal to him or herself as he is only 7 and couldnt tell if either of them were aroused (even if he did, I don't think he'd say if he was).

BM's B.S. Text

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BM cancelled her visit yesterday under the guise that she wanted us to be able to do something with him. She frequently cancels, so this was a bullshit excuse. She also asked that we not use it against her in court. Dh told her 2 weeks ago that she can call SS whenever she wants instead of just the Tuesday and Thursday she's allowed. She has never called except for those days. In fact, after seeing him for 5 hrs Thanksgiving day, she didn't even call him that night. She never made an attempt to even talk to him yesterday since she cancelled the visit.

BM cancels her visit and once again peace returns to my house!

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BM had not seen SS7 in weeks when she had her first unsupervised 5 hour visit last Sunday. She was also court ordered to get him from 12-5 on Thanksgiving. Early Friday morning, we awoke to the sound of dh getting a text message. It was BM saying that we could keep SS this Sunday so we "could do something with him." Like she gives a shit about us! He asked her if she was sure and she said yes. She then said "Don't use this against me." The hearing officer and evaluator just look at the facts and draw their own conclusions and opinions.

YET ANOTHER HOLIDAY RUINED BY SS

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Since we got together, SS or BM or both have ruined every single holiday. Thanksgiving, Christmas, my birthday, our wedding day, honeymoon, f'n arbor day it doesnt matter the day he ruins it. How can I live a life where no day can be nice or special? How can I bring kids into this life where no day is special and everything gets ruined or complicated? It's really starting to make me doubt our marriage and make me regret getting with especially since dh doesnt even attempt to try to make things special or try to make up/compensate for how his bullshit ruins and makes my life miserable.

SETTLEMENT IS OFF THE TABLE AND THE GLOVES ARE OFF!!!!!

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We were trying to settle out of court with BM. Basically, we were asking her to let us raise SS7 and do all of the hard stuff, and she could see him every other weekend to have fun with him as we are more capable of taking care of him. Considering she is pregnant, has no job, is now living in a house over 30 miles away with possibly 3 roommates and boyfriend/baby daddy, and now doesn’t even have a car, we thought she would jump at this money saving and best interest for SS opportunity. We also received the test results from SS’s psychoeducational testing this week.

Settlement Offer to BM. Opinions??

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We went to court last week. In a nutshell, everyone from the Hearing Officer to the GALs believe that all the past 2 years of going to court and allegations of physical and sexual abuse were all a evil mastermind plot by me to take SS7 away from BM. Our atty advised us that if we go to trial as scheduled on 12/1/11. The whole proceeding will basically be me on trial, one big me bashing affair. I refuse to put myself through that.

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