Thank you. It may be odd to be the first words you read from a stranger who's blog just started; but I wanted to express my gratitude right away. For awhile I've needed an ear to bend about step parenting. At time of writing I am in my early 30s and a step mom of two teens. Perhaps it is the fact that they are teens I am screaming out, although I recall a few instances in their younger years I would have liked some guidance. I'm here now though.
Well, it happened. We knew it might. He was bound to have a child or two from his past wild behavior. Cut to last year, 6 kids in, and suddenly there's a new addition to the family. Surprise, it's a six foot tall 230 lbs uhh, 14 year old boy. We had talked about it several times. About how we would feel, how we would cope, how we would adjust... But life just happens, you know? I expected to be happy. And I was. I expected to be excited. And I was. What I did not expect was to feel an undeniably and deeply disturbing feeling of being an outsider in my own family.
I'm a mature BM & SM of 5. Every time we StepTalkers advise a poster to leave, I get an anxious feeling due to my own experiences in the '70s. I wonder if conditions have improved since then.
I'm the veteran BM & SM of 5 reflecting on my steplife as I read the posts. DH & I feel blessed that we survived it all. Here's what wasn't worth worrying about when all 5 lived here:
Eating Habits: Some of the SKs were (and one still is) picky eaters. If DH wanted to give one of them fast foid money if they didnt like the meal, whatever. I now believe it was a desire for the taste considtency of fast food. They hadnt been exposed to a big variety of food.
I'm the veteran BM & SM of 5 reflecting back on my steplife as I read the posts.
Parity was my stepparent religion. Our kids were close in age & once we were all living here, parity seemed the wisest policy to prevent jealousy & envy. At Christmas, I not only spent the same on each but made sure each had the same number of gifts to open. I spent the same amount on birthdays and school clothes. As they reached driving age, we handled each the same. Lather, rinse, repeat for everything.
Im the mature BM & SM of 5 flashing back as i read the posts. I wanted to talk about something all of us dread: adult kids moving back in.
DH always liked the idea of having a spare room "in case". He felt he hadn't had much family support and wanted to be able to offer that. Four of our five kids have moved back in at one time or another. The bottom line is each case is different.
The recent blogs about hellish vacations have reminded me of mine. Back on the '70s, i naively thought it would be a good idea to plan a vacation for all 7 of us. I booked a big cabin at a nearby lake. DH's friend generously offered to lend his outboard motor boat.
We packed our van & took off. I can't remember what the 3 boys were doing in back (these were pre-carseat days) but whatever it was, DH was incensed. He yelled at them half the way there.
I'm the veteran BM & SM of 5 reliving my steplife as I read the posts. Many of you have mini-wives, i have one, too. Only difference is mine is 58 years old. This is a cautionary tale about how that dynamic can end up.
DH & SD were always close. She was his first, looked like him & is his only daughter. They bonded more closely when BM left.
I'm the 75-year old BM & SM of 5. I've written about what worked & didn't work to get us to the end of the SP tunnel. But the one thing that consumed most of my headspace was my jealousy & hatred of BM.
I'm the veteran BM & SM of 5 who reads the posts & remembers my traumatic steplife. I've shared what worked to get us to the end of the tunnel. Here's what didn't work.