We went to court last week. In a nutshell, everyone from the Hearing Officer to the GALs believe that all the past 2 years of going to court and allegations of physical and sexual abuse were all a evil mastermind plot by me to take SS7 away from BM. Our atty advised us that if we go to trial as scheduled on 12/1/11. The whole proceeding will basically be me on trial, one big me bashing affair. I refuse to put myself through that. After they told us that, I told dh that since this whole thing seems to be about me, we should just divorce and I can't get out of their lives and end all of this. He had to go back in to finalize the most recent order. I just sat down trying not to cry my eyes out.

When they were finished, dh told me that he stopped BM and talked to her alone for a few minutes. He told her that he wanted to settle everything out of court as it is getting so ridiculous and very expensive. He told her how unfair it is that I have been full-time raising her child, and very well I might add, for over 2 yrs while she did whatever she pleased. I have always been a very nice, compassionate, and helpful person to her and most importantly "her" son. He said that all of this is not my fault and that it is outrageous that I am getting all of the blame especially since she has been and always was a shitty parent. She admitted that she was not innocent and that I have been the best thing to happen to SS. She said that she wants it all to end to especially since she is 8wks pregnant and would even give sole custody if it could end. He told that we should meet and come to clear the air, and come to a mutual settlement agreement.

We've tried meeting with her all week, but for some bullshit reason or another she kept postponing it until tomorrow, until tomorrow, etc. Today dh told her that we need to meet asap because we received SS psychoeducational test results back and he has Asperger's syndrome (autism spectrum disorder), ADHD, dysgraphia, expressive and receptive language deficits, and several other developmental delays. He will require regular therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, and social skills training. He will also need to go to a private school. Asperger's children need to live a very strict, structured, regimented life. Raising him will truly be a full-time job. She said that her bf is worried because he thinks it's a setup. Basically, she really wants to do this, but he doesn't want her to. I asked dh to see if she would talk to me, and she said yes. I told her that there was no sneaky or underhanded things going on. We truly want what's best for SS and to move on. I cannot devote all my time and energy to this court case anymore with all of his diagnosis. I also told her as a sign of good will and good faith, that I had paper work regarding a warrant out for her arrest for issuing worthless checks all the way from 2003. I told her that we could have just called the cops to pick her up, but we don't want to do that. I talked to her for at least 15 minutes about how everything we've done was because of evidence not because of malice or personal hatred of her. She admitted that she did a lot wrong, and that her family did a lot of shit starting and that it wasn't us being evil. I also told her that she can not call or visit and we won't judge her or take any legal action. I thought she would have said something like "well that's not going to be an issue" or I do wanna see and talk to my son", but she never did. Basically, she responded to the thing that took responsibility for her actions, but didn't respond when I said things in a round about way about her not really caring which to me means that she understands that we know the truth. She even seemed okay with the close mother-son relationship SS and I have. At the end of the conversation, she thanked me. We will be meeting at a park in her town to hopefully sign a consent judgment on Sunday. She was supposed to have a 5hr visit with him that day, but she said just bring him to the park and we'll talk then. Therefore, most of her "visit" she won't really be spending with him.

Here is the settlement offer:

1. We get sole custody.
2. No child support or any financial contributions.
3. We will forget all of the fees she owes us in excess of $2000.
4. They have an IRS and state tax debt totaling $13,000. We will get them to release her from responsibility from it.
5. She can call him whenever she wants.
6. She can see him every other weekend for an outing. Chuck-e-cheese, zoo, movie, etc. We will also give her money for it and handle transportation as she does not have a car now.

Basically, we want her to just let us raise him and do the hard stuff, and she can see him when she wants (which she has said multiple times is "just to be able to see him every now and then for a little while.") I'm even getting a 2nd job to help pay for all of his needs. Especially with this new baby coming, I doubt she will even stick with the every other weekend.

I feel so excited about possibly putting all of this behind us and releasing all of the stress. It has truly taken a toll on my mind, body, and marriage. About 50lbs and dozens of face breakouts later, I need for all of this to be over. I want to enjoy time with my husband again and not live in fear of the phone ringing or the mail coming.

What are your opinions of our settlement offer??