You are here

Eeow VENT!

Momma2CJ's picture

I had a talk with my dh bc he felt that the weekends sd6 is here that i turn the house into a military so we fight about my disengagement his lack of full parenting her complete lack of discipline and reapect and the entire situation imcluding her stupid bm who is VERY upset our 4year relationship and marriage has not come to an end. Sd6's mom is hell rnough to deal with but sd6ruins my mood now a days.

Here are some of the things im dreading when he gets her.
Anytime dh and i sit next to each other or get close she comes to sit in his lap and take hids attention or just blatantly pushes us apart.

If he comes in a room with me she barges in as if we cant be alone and even after multiple times telling her she will NOT knock and if she is told she cannot come in and to return to her room/tv/toys she will either stand at the door and knock every 45 seconds saying daddy daddy daddy i gotta ask you something or why cant i come in or come out of there OR she stands at the door and cries.

She sleeps on her own at her moms and has slept on her own at our home since age 2 or 3 but since my and dh bd8mos has come she begs and cries and whines for dh to sleep with her so when he comes to bed with me she stands at our door telling him to "come to bed" or asks over and over when he is coming to bed.

She ignores us both when we are telling her something she doesnt want to hear or do but she is especially nasty with me and i have to just stay away from her bc that is ridiculous. And she will not ask me most things even if it involves ME! She ignores me and asks her dad what im cooking. She ignores me and asks her dad can she have/see/play with MY things.

She says things like dont sit there u go sit by your baby i want my daddy to sit by me, and she makes up songs with words like i will be so happy when my daddy comes in here so nobody can fuss at pisses me off when dh doesnt say anything to that.

She says her mom told her im not her mom so she dont have to listen to me, not to eat/drink behind me or while im there as she says, that me and dh are not raising her so thats why it only matters what bm says bc we dont raise her.

She waits til im not looking or around to do things to/with my baby and i cant tell you how many times ive left dh and the two kids alone in a room and ran right back for my baby bc all i could hear is him fussing at sd saying "be gentle she just a baby, quit doing that, dont touch her in the face, dont put ur finger in her mouth stop petting her she not an animal, she has a soft spot not so hard be gentle!" so i am terrified of what actually goes through her head!

I just want to disappear eeow and even though dh and i had a good talk i still dread her coming not bc i hate or dislike her....i just dont like the way things are when she is here.

Theres my vent. If anybody found any solutions to anything i said i definitely appreciate the input.

Momma2CJ's picture

Btw...i know how to spell but there is no mobile site for this so its hard to go back if i misspell a word. Dont hold it against me! Smile

hereiam's picture

The biggest problem is your husband and him letting her get away with all this crap. She needs to have consequences when she misbehaves, disrespects, or disobeys. If she knows she can keep getting away with it, she will continue to do it.

He also needs to have a chat with BM (and SD, for that matter). Honestly, I don't understand these women. I realize they have their issues with us, but to purposely teach your child bad manners? My SD was taught to respect adults, period. She knew I wasn't her mother but I was the adult so therefore, she had to respect me and listen to me in my own home (she was 5 when we got together, 21 now). She knew her father was not going to accept her disrespecting me and knows that even now that she is an adult.

It is very hard to counteract BM's antics and you and your DH can't control her or what she says to SD, but you can control what goes on in your own home. DH just has to be willing to DO something about it. And just as BM can have her little conversations with SD, so can you and your husband and then back it up.

If you have read any of the stories on here, you know it is imperative that you and your husband get on the same page.

I am currently reading the book, Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child : Eliminating Conflict by Establishing Clear, Firm, and Respectful Boundaries by
Robert J. MacKenzie Ed.D. I bought it for my sister, as my niece is very strong willed. I haven't finished it yet but it is very clear about consequences.

Momma2CJ's picture

He has that guilty feeling part time dads do so he says its hard to spank her but he gets onto her a LOT for the things that bother HIM but has said befire he thinks i nitpick and get onto her about everything. I have another post on here a llittle more detailed but i think most parents are a bit watchful when other ppl are disciplining their children plain and simple we have different parenting skills. I believe in yes maam no maam he doesnt so she answers adults huh and what. We talked and i told him we HAVE to sit down and make discipline/reward guidelines about nearly everything she is notorious dor doing because since he canf tell me how im actually nitpicking, the rules in our home need to be clear cut and its the tradifional way to form structure but she NEEDS structure. Either way the process for ME is stressful beyond belief. The BM tries to grab him by the balls and bc he is timid and non confrontational he lets things slide for the sake of peace and seeing his child that he shouldnt and now she knows how to mess with him on a level that causes complete chaos in our home. I will never leave my husband bc of this bc i married him not his exwife or kid but i definitely dream of how things could have been if i wouldve married into a no step kid zone!

OhGolly's picture

This is where we become the evil stepmothers. You try to enforce rules at YOUR home and you're the "mean" one. You do things differently than her mother so obviously you can't be right! Wink
You try to explain her behavior to people and they. just. don't. get. it. Yea, it's normal six year old behavior. However, you ARE NOT her mother. It's difficult to deal with a child that isn't yours because no matter how hard you try you will never feel that unconditional love you feel for your own. Her mother is purposely making matters worse which just adds fuel to the fire. DH needs to have a long talk with BM. The kid needs to respect you or you're not gonna get anywhere...and it sound like BM is pretty much telling her to be disrespectful.

Momma2CJ's picture

He works swing shifts and can only see her eeow. She has been independent prior to our actual marriage and new baby so im kind of thinking it has something to do with that but her mom found out about both and told her instead of us, we had plans on how to tell her but her mom did it kind of nasty so she wasnt real happy about it. And we found out we were expecting recently and her mom told AGAIN then sent a haha text saying sd was mad bc we were having another baby. She communicates very well and we have both talked to her softly on her level but she does not listen. She evdn told me that she does not listen bc she does not have to listen to me. I dont think its an issue of not seeing him so much bc lots of times his feelings have been hurt by her saying she dont want to spend time with him bc he dont always do fun stuff everyday and that her mom lets her do whatever fun she want.