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Step Daughter manipulation

legmel's picture

So, Disney Dad’s phone rings at 03h00 on Sunday Morning – its evil spawn step daughter 21 year old crying “daddy please come fetch me”… where are you Michaela? In Long Street Daddy… Long Street being the strip of road in Cape Town City Centre with all the clubs…she does not have a lift …. Turns out NO she has a lift but she wants to go home now and her friend who she went with still wants to party…. Disney Daddy says ok I will come fetch you…
Mel are you coming with ? Of course I get up – I want to hear the shit that is going to be said.
Anywhooo we drive to Long Street… she is waiting with a bag of Kentucky in hand. Gets in sniffing. 5 minutes later it’s a bawl … Disney Daddy what’s wrong Michaela did something happen? No daddy its nothing… Disney Daddy don’t say it’s nothing what is wrong?
"OH DADDY I JUST MISS YOU SOO MUCH…."(she walked out of our house 2 years ago subsequently fell pregnant and had a child by a deadbeat bloke)
At this point only God knows how I still managed to shut up……we get to where she stays and she gets out – Disney Daddy as well. The two of them have a 10 minute private conversation and I am sitting in the car like a fool…. Am I wrong to feel that he should not have fetched her?

luchay's picture

Yes and no. At what point does an ADULT child take responsibility for themselves?

SKID is 21, lives on her own (not with either parent) and has a kid of her own.'

She IS an adult now.

If it were an emergency then fair enough. But not "oh my DES doesn't want to go home yet and I do so come get me"

That does not constitute and emergency in my book. Yes for a younger child still living in my home, no for an adult with her own home and family.

legmel's picture

Thanks Sally. I cannot understand how he rationalised this. She was NOT stranded, she had a ride, she did not like the terms her ride had given her and opted for calling her father at that hour! They have only recently started communicating again. She is bi-polar, has attempted suicide 12 times?, she caused so much unpleasantness for us – she blamed her father for the divorce and then resented me – albeit that I only appeared 4 years after her parents divorced. I don’t trust her at all.

Evil stepmonster's picture

I would happily be the designated driver...or in this case picker uper if my kid was out and had been drinking. I wouldn't go with DH to get his kids at 3 am though. If it's once in a while that's one thing, but if it was happening every weekend I would make sure the kids kept cab fair from now on.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Not reading all the posts...here is my 2 cents:

If it were my kid, it would depend how much they abused the situation. If it is a once and a while "hey, I came over to this place with a friend, and they aren't ready to leave, but I'm done" sure. I would rather make sure they got home safe, than pull the "you are an adult, you figure it out" card. Now, granted...my kiddos are pretty responsible. BD23 lives in another state, works two jobs, etc. So, she kinda has to figure it all out on her own, because I can't run to fetch her. However, when her dog got really sick, I co-signed for the CareCredit to pay the vet bill. I get that her dogs are like her kids...and BD23 has always been responsible about paying her bills, but didn't have any credit at the time, so couldn't do it by herself.

BS19 is also off in another state at school. He doesn't have a car with him, because he was in a wreck before he left, and we are still trying to figure out how to get his Blazer fixed for him. So, yeah...he kinda has to figure it out on his own, as well. But when he called me that he really wanted to come home for Thanksgiving, you bet I will drive the 12 hours round trip to pick him up and the 12 hours round trip to take him back to school!

On the flip side of the coin, we have SheSloth (SD15). Girl can't figure anything out, and constantly has DH running around like her taxi service! She doesn't ask if she can do things, she TELLS DH that she is doing things! I can easily see this girl pulling something like the OP posted...and it wouldn't be the first time! It would be a regular thing for her! So, yeah...in her case, I would expect that after the second time something like this happened, that DH would say, "You are an adult! I'm not your taxi service! Figure it out!" However...seeing how he is now, I doubt that would happen, and she would be able to pull this kind of crap on him all the time.

As for going with? Never! DH asks me to go with to drop of or pick up SheSloth at BM's, and unless we are doing it on the way to or from something we already had planned, I don't go! I have no desire to be around the girl. The conversations they have when I'm not around? Yeah, I get curious...but they are going to do that crap anyway! I will never find out what is really said about things...they will always keep their own little secrets! It does drive me insane when it is bed time, and DH is supposed to only go tell SheSloth "goodnight" and be back to our room, and he is gone for like 30 minutes! His loss I guess...LOL! Yup...I will not hesitate to go to sleep on his arse if he decides that having some long conversation about all the school or BM gossip is more important than coming to bed to cuddle!

legmel's picture

You are right Sally my DH - I did not want him driving at night alone. Can'tkeepdoing this I agree – but I know how my SD’s operate (we have her sister SD14 living with us fulltime! But that’s another story all together) they are manipulative. Your kids are responsible mature kids not my SD’s they are still milking “we come from a broken home” 7 years after their parents split. I will monitor the behaviour and if it occurs again I will say something. Thank you for all your support, it sometimes feels like I am in no man’s land with these kids.