How to get past this
School vacation week has started. I have 2 kids B 16 D 15 SD 11. In nut shell SD is manipulative and rude.
I want to take my two kids to see my ex grandparents overnight ( been divorced 11 years but still close to ex family) I do not want to bring SD even tough my ex in laws would be fine if she came..... SD is like my D shadow it drives me crazy... Plus she just made a big fuss about going to my nieces baby shower her excuse not my family. Reality is she does not like my other niece (17) my D and her a very close any how this niece came home with us from shower... SD made it known she was not happy.. Next morning Daddy can just you and me go for breakfast. .... They did. My D and Niece went to mall for a few hours... SD is totally ignoring me cause I allow them to hang out with out her. SD believes niece is staying over again and says daddy can I go to nana tomorrow so she does not have to sit home which with my SD and niece which is fine with us. Even better my niece went home nd SD does not know we need a day with out her here. So she goes to her Nanas ( never ask my daughter) but my D would not want to go any how. But I feel it's wrong to not take her to my kids grandparents.... Even thou she would ruin everyone's time and will still ruin my time away if I leave her home because I feel that if we are gonna be. Family we need to behave like one . So then I feel Like I should just stay home but I really should visit with my ex in laws because they are still like family to me. And my kids only grandparents as both my parents have past... Just venting
My bride had similar
My bride had similar grandparent circumstances to your kids. Her BioDad was killed in a car accident before my MIL knew she was pregnant with my wife. My MIL's first husband (brides bio dad) was stationed in Germany when he died so when MIL repatriated to the US and burried her 1stDH she moved in with her parents. FIL was the son of close family friends and was very helpful during MILs pregnancy. They married when my DW was 2mos old.
As she got older my bride would spend time with her paternal GPs/aunts/uncles/cousins during the summers. For the most part those relationships where held as my brides relationship with her biodad's family. As my ILs had more kids upon occassion they would all visit MIL's 1stDH's people as a family but that was not a regular thing. My FIL did participate in those visits but generally he was neutral on my MILs first husbands family. MIL, FIL, and MIL's 1stDH were all in HS together and FIL and 1stDh did not get along. FIL did not let that history cause issues for MIL, for my bride, or for the 1stDH's family.
I see nothing wrong with you preserving your BKs relationship with their paternalGPs as primarily exlclusively theirs. Sure, the Skid can be included periodically but I would not make that the default.