Ready to call it quits
My story in a nutshell. Been with SO for 3 years, lived with him 2 years in my home, BS 16 BD 15, SD soon to be 12 moved in 4 months ago, as DCF was called on mom and dad was granted temporay custody.... BM has only seen her child 1 in the past 4 months. SD I believe has an attachment disorder, and is very jealous of me, and wants everything my daughter has, she make the simple task of going out for dinner difficult, she wants to be the one to decide where we go. or what movie we will watch on tv. It used to be just her an her dad mostly so that was not a problem for them. But now there is 5 of us. She lays on her dad in his recliner chairs nighlty watching tv when there are several other places that she could sit. She closes doors on my face. Trys to get a reaction from me almost daily..... SO and I never do anything with out her, she has poor grades in school but lies to say try and cover it up when it is in black and white. Rude comments etc. I ask her to rinse dishes and put in dish washer she dumps them in sink, i ask her to let dog in or out and she delays doing it. Help bringing groceries in she is just getting the idea of that. She yells if anyone goes in her room ( again this is my home) I know she has only been living with us for 4 months but she has spent the past 3 years at my house with us every weekend every holiday every school vacation, so I do not feel this is new to her. I feel so stressed out that I dont want to even look at her, I can not see us going on a family vacation, because the last two she ruined the first one was the worst vacation I ever went on. She did not want to go on boat, did not want to go bowling, didnt want to go swimming, we went to teh drive in and she cried hysterically cause she want to go home and the rest of us wanted to watch the movie.... then when it was time to leave she refused to get in the car because now she want to go on boat and go swimming none of us wanted to go as she already ruined out fun. So he dad actually put his suit on and went swimming, but she never went in because my daughter would not go with her.
Im thinking this relationship is never gonna work, Her dad tunes he out unless she is screaming and I don't think the stress is worth it, but most of all what I am teaching my children by allowing this child to rule our home when her dad does not back me up....
Venting ... but I really do not think this relationship is health for anyone.
What does her dad do when she
What does her dad do when she acts like this?
he feels bad for her,
he feels bad for her, someimes tell her to knock it off, or takes her shopping but mostly nothing, he never disciplines,
Every time she pulls that
Every time she pulls that snarky disrespectful crap SD-12 needs a swat to the ass. DH does it or you do it and let DH know that if has an issue with how you discipline he can step up and get it done before you have to. Either way, it gets done and SD-12 has a stinging ass to go with her manipulative tears.
No one should give so much as a flying rat's ass about what SD-12 wants or things. She gets no opinion and if she so much as opens her mouth to whine, cry, or manipulate she needs to be put over the nearest piece of furniture and have her ass lit up to a nice stinging cherry red color. The way she behaves she gets only one choice. STFU and do what she is told or assume the position and feel the sting.
Period!!!!
She gets no quarter and no opinion until she earns that privilege with years of acceptable behavior.
I think if I were in your
I think if I were in your shoes I'd have a come to Jesus talk with my partner and offer two options: Move out, or start counseling for the two of you as well as for the skid.
It sounds like he has no parenting skills. I get it; my DH was a very passive noncustodial dad. He spent time visiting his kids, but wasn't interested in any heavy lifting. Nevertheless, your DH is the key player in all this, and if he isn't the sort to step up and make changes I wouldn't invest any more energy in the relationship. That child needs professional help, and will continue to escalate her campaign against you - into adulthood - if the dynamic doesn't change.
Thanks for the feed back.....
Thanks for the feed back..... She is in counseling. She was a bout a year ago then dad thought it was not helping, then I had her start back up again when he got custody, but she not gone in a couple of weeks, because I beleive she does not want to go, so one appointment he said he had to work late and would not make it home in time, but was home at the normal time, then last week she claimed to be sick ..
I want to work but I feel that I am the only one trying and all her issue are making me put up a wall.
It sounds to me as if Dad
It sounds to me as if Dad needs to focus upon his daughter right now. She is obviously screaming for help and this seems far deeper than "Wow, my SD is spoiled/ill-mannered." She appears to have some authentic "damage" which is the responsibility of her father. I would suggest that Dad move out with his daughter. You can keep dating, but it may provide him with the impetus to parent his child, get her professional help, whatever personalized therapy and care she requires.
Not saying that your relationship with SO is not loving and meaningful. Obviously he is unable to step up as a father while in your house for whatever reason. This doesn't sound like a healthy environment for you and your children. IMO