Rough SD
So a little background. I have a 14 month old baby with dh, I'm due next month and I have a 10 year old SD. She's a good kid for the most part, just extremely annoying to me. She seems to have a lot of similar traits to skids I read about on here. When I was a kid I did not hang all over my dad or be overly/weirdly affectionate with him. I would rather be playing out with my friends. Seems that's how most kids I know are, but after reading posts on here I see it's a common theme with the skids. SD is constantly all over "daddy" a neighbor girl comes to play and she refuses to go outside. She's just always right there up our butts complaining about being bored but too lazy to do anything about it. When we go places as a family I feel like dh and her are more the couple. She has to be holding his hand, sitting on him, next to him. It's so awkward. Just venting here I know there's nothing I can do about this. She lives with us and sees her mom every other weekend.
So my recent issue with her is that she hurts my 14 month old. Every time she plays with her my dd always ends up hurt. She tickles her way too hard, kicks her on accident, yanks on her arms. My dd always ends up crying and she's a tough baby, it takes a lot to make her cry in pain. I've talked with her about it and she cries saying it was an accident. I know accidents happen but at 10 years old she should know how to be gentle with a baby and accidents don't happen several times a day. This happens seriously every time they play even though I'm constantly reminding her to be gentle. It's like she's absent minded and only thinking of herself, doesn't help that sd is really big for her age. I talked to dh about it and he talked to her, he punished her tonight for slamming her finger in a toy box. Of course everytkme she gets punished he ends up going to her room 10 minutes later and coddling her. My mama bear claws are starting to come out and I'm really going to lose my cool with sd one of these times. Any advice on how to deal with this? I told dh I'm about to just say she's not allowed to play with her.
I would tell her that she
I would tell her that she cannot play with her half sister if she isn't going to be careful. No, she cannot be in the same room as her. No, she cannot play with her toys. She is not allowed near her unless you are there.
If DH has a problem ask him if it would be OK for a 18 1/2 yr old girl to babysit and SD would get hurt every single time 'by accident'. Because this is the same age difference. If SD was 4-5 I can understand it. But even my 7 yr old G/daughter knows how NOT to behave.
Obviously she is jealous and
Obviously she is jealous and afraid the new baby will get daddy's attention (just like she is jealous of you and has to make a big production out of it and have all of his attention). The babies safety must come first, above all else. If she gets away with the little things now it will only get worse. The SD at 10 is still a child too, although understandable an irritating one. I would sit your husband down and explain that you know she's afraid of losing his attention to you or the baby and in some ways that is typical. I would suggest a date night once a month (let her pick the resturant (within reason) or activity and let them have a daddy daughter night that she can look forward to. In exchange, he needs to focus on you more while she's around too and hopefully not feel so guilty. As far as being around the baby, does it ever happen while he's around? Because the correcting should come from him (not by her knowing you made him say something). If nothing else maybe you can try keeping a journal of each and every time it happens for a few days (or use a webcam and record them playing) and perhaps your husband can say something like, maybe some of these are accidents but I know it's happened too much and some of it is deliberate. You need to be more careful and act like a big girl at 10 or you're going to be grounde from playing with her. If that happens we can't have out daddy daughter day because you will be grounded. He could also offer insentives.... No accidents for 3-5 days and they will go out for an icee or ice cream. Hopefully she'll learn that instead of focusing on being jealous she will benefit from being nice and have punishments for being mean too her little sister. Good luck!
This reminds me of something
This reminds me of something my exSD did when she was 6 and her mom had her first baby. Her mom left the newborn on the floor and went to get something. When she came back, SD6 says, "Did you know if you pick her up by her feet she just hangs there?" I kid you not. Kids are stupid. But I do think most of her behavior is "accidentally on purpose" out of jealousy. She may not even realize it herself. Don't let her play alone with her. That's really all you can do.
I honestly had to do that. My
I honestly had to do that. My SD12 was always so rough with my DD3. My DH was wonderfully supportive. But SD is not allowed in DDs room. If they play together it has to be in the same room I am in, otherwise I tell SD to find something to do. I finally put my foot down when SD slammed a solid wood door into DDs head when she had just started walking. Same story, lots of smashed fingers or" accidentally" pushing, hitting, ect. You might want to set some pretty clear boundaries esp with another little one on the way.
I don't have any kids with DH
I don't have any kids with DH but my Mini-Wife SD12 used to be mean to "my" animals. Anything that was "my baby" was afraid of her. Any animal that belonged to DH were fine (even though I treat all the animals like "mine")
The more we win our battle with Mini-Wife Syndrome the less she seems to be hateful to my animals. I'm not sure how this is related, but I'm pretty sure she saw my fur babies as an extension of me and easier prey than me. So maybe once she learns to accept that you're the dominant woman of the house, she'll fall in line and stop being so mean to your baby? Just a theory.
I agree with the others i
I agree with the others i think its better to let them play in a room where you can see what the SD is doing and i would record it so the father can see what his daughter does to your daughter.
I have a SS 10 and he can be rough with my daughter who is 17 months. I tell him to be more careful with her and sometimes he still does it. Luckily my partner sometimes see's it as well and he corrects his son too. I do not leave my daughter alone with my SS because he just doesn't understand that she is a little girl and can't play rough with her.
The other situation where the SD wants all of her daddy's attention. He needs to treat both of his daughters equally, but i do believe that he should take a day out of the week and spend time with his first born because she obviously is jealous of her younger sibling and afraid that she will get ignored. I feel that once she grows up more i hope she grows out of that stage of always wanting to be with her daddy. Once your little one gets older he needs to take a day out of the week and do the same with her that he will do with his older daughter, otherwise the 2 year old will not like her older sister.