Totally off subject but desperatly need advice
Ok this is off the subject of sp, but I need advice bad. My sister is beyond psycho! She was just diagnosed as being bi-polar - but has been for years - they just now diagnosed her. Anyway the problem is that she is oding on her meds. She has 3 kids 7, 4 & 2. She wants her husband to move out. He's the one taking care of the kids but admitted he really doesn't want to - he's tired and burned out. Anyhow - when you go over to house, it is filthy! There are trashbags of trash in the living room & kitchen. Dirty dishes everywhere. You can barely walk in the house with the clutter - toys, clothes, etc. My sis and younger sis went swimming together with my ss, my husband and my sis's kids. Can I say the were starving. The 2 year old almost jumped in the pool countless times. My sis was busy texting on the phone! Thank god my other sis & I were there.
Well my husband, ss & I finally left my other sis's house. We were hungry. The little kids were starving - I found some chips and cheese and set them up with some food before dinner. There mom told my other sis just to take them home. She said she wasn't hungry and didn't care if they ate. My other sis took them to get pizza and breadsticks. She said she had to make sure the pizza was cut up and stuff for the lil ones - their mom was busy texting. When they were finish the waitress wanted to know if they needed a box. My 7 year old nephew asked my sis if they could please take the left over pizza home so they can have something to eat later. Of course it about broke her down into tears.
She dropped them off at their house. She said there was NOTHING in the house to eat! She asked the parents why - they said they didn't have money (despite the shopping bags with my oldest sister's new clothes!)
So what do we do? I don't want to call social services and have the kids taken away, seperated (all 3 of them are extremely close). I don't want my mom or sis to be mad at me. I thought about confronting my sis & her husband and see if I could just take the kids for awhile - but my new husband and I really don't have the money to take care of 3 extra kids. (Of course if it came down to it - we would).
If social services is called - would they tell the family who called on them? Would they take the kids away? I am already starting to see the 7 year old become extremely internalized and quiet. It really bothers me.
My sister cusses at the kids so much and tells them she hates them and never wanted them.
I really need advice. Can anyone help? I'm afraid one day we are going to find out that my sis or her husband went crazy and killed the entire family!
Thanks my cyber support group for letting me vent!
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Suggestion
Call social services.
In my experience with them, they will not give away the kids right away. If they take the kids away, they want it to be with a parent or a family member at first if possible. They also will NOT give information to whom called them.
Their job is to get mom in shape to take care of her own kids. Believe me!
BM here had her kids taken away, so my BF has them now. They put her in a program to get her cleaned up (drugs) so she could get her kids back!
From what I understand, they want the original parents to PARENT. They work with them on what they need to do that. If they need food stamps, they get them with the local branch.
Tough call.
If you call social services, they may very well take the children away. I've seen bad things happen with CPS. It seems like when there's no reason for them to act, they go all ape crazy, and when the situation needs them to step in, they drop the ball. It all depends on who is working that day...a sad reality.
Starving children is a travesty. Someone needs to do something. If she can afford to text (or pay for a cell phone) and new clothes, then she can afford to feed her kids.
I'm sorry, I do not want to sound harsh, but I have been around non existent parents and it physically hurts me. If you can't take care of them, don't have them. When you become a parent, you forgo the right to be selfish.
I've read plenty of stories on here even, from women who have had to become more than Stepmom to children who's BM's refuse to contribute to their childrens lives. I'm sure one of them can give you great insight and advice because of what they have seen and had to do to protect their skids.
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on." ~Robert Frost
Yes, please call.
I've not been in the situation with my own sister, but I truely believe that calling CPS or social services would be the right thing and would be what I would do.
It stinks to have the feelings of guilt and worry about what calling will do to your relationship with your sis if she finds out, but I don't believe that would be nearly as bad as it will be if something terrible happens to your sister's kids and you know you didn't call.
When you do call but don't want your sis to find out it was you, just FYI, try to tell them what your concerns are without giving too much detail of specific places, situations, etc. that only you would know. After the case is closed, your sis can get a copy of the complete report, and even though they delete info of who called, they have to leave in some decription of the reason for the call or concern.
When DH and I got a copy of the report BM's ex fiance's mom made against us, they tried to delete info that would point to her, but she gave such specific information it was so obvious who made the report.
Such as saying, "we wanted to take the child to Disney World with other good christian, church going families but [DH] wouldn't allow [BM] to take [SD]."
Don't let that stop you from calling though. Your sister needs help, and CPS has the means and ability to help her and her kids in many ways.
And please, don't rule out that your sister may have, or end up, with an alcohol or drug problem. BM was finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder in December and we now know she has been using meth for months. I feel like a fool now that I've read up on the signs of meth addiction and realize they were there with BM but I just couldn't believe it could really be happening so my poor SD was placed in God knows how many dangerous situations.
I hope you find some peace in whatever you decide to do, every situation is different.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I---
I took the one less traveled by,
and that made all the difference. -Robert Frost-
Can you check on them
Can you check on them everyday, bring them food, etc? Like a nanny would? Is your sister on medication? This is so sad...you and your other sister need to tag team and step in to help those kids. CPS can do a well child check and see if there is food in the house, etc. They won't tell who called. Good luck
"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"
Call CPS
immediately. You really need to step up to the plate on this one sweetie. It is the right thing to do. The right thing isn't usually the easiest to do.