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Enabling dads (my dad enables SM)

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I have the opposite problem than most here: my dad is the one who enables my dramatic, unsecure, awful SM. From my experience here, a lot of dads tell the SM to "brush it off" when their kids totally sabotage SM.

In my case, my dad tells me to brush off my SM when she has never failed to create drama for the 10+ years I've moved out. Yes, I have called her a gold digger. Yes, I have told her to go fuck herself. No, I won't apologize anymore. Sometimes people need to look in the mirror.

Update: SM pulled me aside after I told her our issues were "water under the bridge" (demanding an apology)

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I told her tonight was about love and I'm sorry for the past and said "God bless you" just before I returned to the dance hall and closed the door in her face. No drama for me. (We are guests at my cousin's wedding reception).

Edit: my dad and husband say just "ignore her" and "be happy."  I have to say.. She has been silent all night while I have been "Belle of the Ball" if you will. I am happy and free. She wants an apology from me but all of my apologies will never recolor her black heart.

Vent: idiot BIL living with us and SD15 is here for spring break

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My BIL separated from his wife in September and has been staying in our basement since October. He has 1 dog and we have 2 dogs and 2 toddlers. He hasn't paid the full $600/ month rent EVER and never buys dog food when I ask him to. He won't pick up dog poop in the yard because 2/3 are our dogs and the spare room (SD's room he's staying in) is always trashed. He lost DH's truck keys this morning (the rule is to hang them up) and took my car to work so now I have no vehicle for the day.

VENT: AH mad I'm done running around to change SD15's plane ticket

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AH (asshole husband) asked me to change SD's multi-city spring break flight to a round trip because now she wants to attend an event the weekend she's supposed to fly up. We pay the unaccompanied minor fee because she hasn't been taught any sort of independence. That means she can't fly the last flight of the day and she won't even be able to attend the event because BM is going out of town. 

BM texted me to show her "appreciation" and I wasn't nice

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To recap: we got a 2 week notice for summer visitation with no return date for SD14. There was a mishap with the ticket DH so we paid $960 on Father's Day to get SD here. The day after SD gets here, BM says she needs her back by July 4th, less than 2 weeks. They have "plans." We could've bought a return ticket or she could've said something before SD was already here.

Anyway, today the amusement park is 2 for 1 so I'm taking SD as we're on limited time and DH doesn't like going. I also took her and my sister to a scary movie on Friday.

SD14 gave DH father's day card in BM's writing

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I immediately noticed it. Wtf? A 14 year old can't write a simple message? Once, SD gave me a mother's day card still in the plastic, unsigned or written in, and not in the envelope. When will BM let her grow up or stop pretending to half ass care about DH?

It says: "Happy Father's Day Dad, I love you so much and I just wanted to say thank you for everything you've done for me. I love you, SD."

Vent: Always last minute planning constituting an emergency on our part..

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We have always asked BM for a reasonable amount of time to plan trips to fly SD14 up here since Delta charges $150 per flight per unaccompanied minor. DH just told me SD wants to come up for Father's Day, 2 weeks from tomorrow. I told BM myself back on April 25th, almost 6 weeks ago, to specifically NOT do this but here we are. DH asked for dates back in March at spring break before that. DH is telling her to pay for it or SD isn't coming.

BM told DH that SD14 wants to identify as male

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She had said in the last couple years she likes girls and now told BM she can't call her her daughter and that's why they've been fighting over there. I don't even know what to think about this or how/ if to reach out to SD. She hasn't texted me back since I told her to make it work at BM's or she's staying with us until 18 if she decides to come back here.

SD14 ignoring us after told she's staying with us permanently until she's 18 if she comes back

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She ignored that text and 2 other unrelated texts over the weekend. DH also told SD and BM to call him together and that never happened, either. I hate the "daddy save me" call (not the first time) and getting us all worried only for it to basically be "business as usual" in BM's home since they all treat each other like crap.

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