My moms boyfriends sister is a social worker who works with kids in SDs school district. She doesn't know SD personally, but she was discussing with my mom some of the issues in middle school age kids right now that have gotten way worse over the time she's been in her career (30 years). My mom told her a bit about the issues SD had which are similar to what she was discussing.
DH is still getting mopey with his guilt regarding SD sometimes. That he could have done more when she was younger, blah blah. Idk what more he could have done honestly and I think the guilt is disproportionate to his actions. I'm losing patience in dealing with it. Regardless of what happened 8, 9 10 years ago we are where we are and SD is a mini of BM. I know that sounds cold and it kind of is but...I really am just wishing he could get over it.
So I've written plenty over the last 9 months of BM and SD complaining about how we/our home isn't good enough and so forth. Last month SD didn't come over at all. I messaged BM to check if SD was still coming this weekend and if so what time and wow what a 180. Perfectly friendly and agreeable, SD can be there any time, etc.
ETA: it could be because she thinks we're going to the inlaws. ...
Most of my relationship with DH I've questioned if BM was alienating SD or if SDs reaction to DH and myself was just a natural response to the situation. Over the past year it's become glaringly obvious that yes, it was alienation and it sounds like it started before DH even left BM (only BM knew the correct way to handle SD and criticized anything DH did, SD only ever wanted BM, etc).
I've posted about SDs tiktok posts a few times and how insanely inappropriate they are. And that BM follows her on it and doesn't care apparently what she posts.
Well, now SDs account is banned for multiple community guidelines violations. I'm sure she will just make another account. But it's kind of interesting that the platform itself cares more about what a 10 year old posts then her mom.
FIL texted DH yesterday that his grandpa is coming up to visit. Said DH really needs to be there because this probably won't be a reoccurring visit and he wants him to meet our boys. I don't think this is an exaggeration because his grandpa has been sick for a long time.
BM just messaged and said SD doesn't want to visit this month. Aw shucks. Just gonna guess that she doesn't want to come at all and just is gonna keep putting it off.
Also on the SD front, she's had many more charming tiktok posts lately. Lots of f words and discussing her sexuality (which is apparently bisexual). Why a 10 year old is up at 2 am publicly posting these things I'll never understand, but not my problem.
My prediction at this point is within the next 5 years she'll be begging to quit school and probably doing drugs.
So its been a couple weeks already since MIL told DH he needs to "get on the same page" as BM and attempted to facilitate a discussion between them (unasked for). But I'm just posting my thoughts on it now.
I dont think its possible for that to happen. For one thing, one of the parties goal is to fight and be superior. Even beyond that, there's completely different parenting styles and lifestyles. It's really annoying when people don't understand why DH is doing parallel parenting and try to force their ideals on him (us, really).
Any tips for supporting DH through the PAS of SD? Despite having kids, I really can't imagine ever being in his position. Also, I suspect that SDs behavior is going to continue going downhill quickly, so I'm sure he'll end up dealing with SD being a loser like BM as she gets older also.
Sometimes I wonder if BM and the inlaws legitimately believe SD is this sweet, perfect little angel - or if they know the truth and are just pissed that DH and I aren't going along with the front and pretending she's The Greatest Child Who Ever Lived...