I don't post very often anymore so here is a quick recap for those that don't know my story. SDxtb21 dropped out of HS to move in with her much older druggie boyfriend. BM and SD made life difficult for many many years, but when she dropped out and moved in with BF, DH had a final talk with her and basically said I don't approve of the drugs and choices you are making, I will always love you, but don't condone this behavior and I'm not supporting it. DH paid CS until 18, covered health insurance until 19 when we started getting collection calls because she would't pay her visit bills and so we finally took her off the insurance. She showed up high for Xmas with the BF the Christmas she turned 18 at DH's mother's house (where she was given a giant GED study guide and a few gift cards to restaurants so she could buy food-hopefully not drugs) and that was the last time we have seen or heard from her. IT HAS BEEN AWESOME!! DH in typical man fashion has managed to segregate his heart/mind and locked SDxtb21 away. She is never mentioned or spoken of. After going through Hell, it was very nice to have her just go away and BM too.

An important component of the rest of this post is that DH's side of he family is fairly dysfunctional- we see them for major holidays and a birthday here or there. They aren't close, no calls to check in, no updates on important life events. They don't really care about us unless we don't show up for the command performance on the major holidays (and then we are in big trouble). Very passive aggressive. The exact opposite for my very caring and involved family. SD is the only grandchild. We have no sids and neither SIL or BIL have kids or ever will.

So today I decided to check SD's Facebook page. While she was in high school it was an excellent way to keep track of her drug use and partying because she had it set to public. I did screen captures of everything I found and put it in my "SD File". At some point she set her page to private and I wasn't able to see anything. Her Druggie BF also deleted his page, so I stopped looking for probably a year. Today when I checked, I was able to see her picture and timeline. I suppose because we have mutual friends (MIL, SIL1, SIL2, and BIL). What did I learn? Her status says engaged (interesting, couldn't find pictures of ring or any pictures that indicated to whom, so I'm assume druggie BF), her gauge earrings are much bigger than last time I saw her, she has added a nose ring. What I did notice is that in almost every picture I could find MIL or SIL (SIL by marriage to BIL, not blood related to SD) have liked and commented on the picture. I found this to be very interesting. They know what SD has done to DH, to me, quite frankly SD treated all of them like crap too. So MIL and SIL don't care to every check in with DH (couldn't care less about, job changes, our new house despite multiple offers to come see it, our old dog's death or new the puppy) but they comment on all SD's pictures?

Even better, earlier this spring there was a St. Patrick's/bday party for FIL (Irish family) and I bought green mustaches for everyone. There was lots of picture taking of the mustaches. Later in the day, SIL (the one that is all over SD's Facebook page) says she posted some to Facebook and hoped that was ok with me. I said sure, I'll just go on Facebook and see how silly we look. She hems and haws about that. DH (who doesn't have a Facebook page due to being a teacher and avoiding student weirdness) says, I'll just look at them on brutally's Facebook page. More weird hemming and hawing from SIL about how we might not be about to see them. Finally it dawns on me, she is doing this because she has unfriended me! DH doesn't get it because he is Facebook-illliterate and keeps trying to figure out why we can't see the pictures she posted of us. Yep, later that night I get a friend request from SIL. I explained it all to DH after the party and he was incredulous, why would she post pictures of us at all if she doesn't consider us friends and chalked it as another example of how weird his family is.

So my take aways from today's Facebook surfing are to 1) Be prepared SD to re-surface for wedding/money requests. 2) be even more guarded about DH's family, they must have seen the news about SD's engagement and no one felt the need to mention it to DH. 3) alternately, be prepared for MIL & SIL to be invited to the wedding, but not DH and not tell him anything about it until well after the fact.

I debated telling DH about today's Facebook finds and have decided it just isn't worth it. Life is so much happier without SD in it. I doubt she has cleaned up, gotten her GED and stopped doing drugs so why I want her and a druggie fiancé back in my life? She knows how to find DH is she wants to. Besides in my step experience it is often the messenger that gets shot, so I'm going not place myself on the firing line.