I posted on another blog about SP PTSD and how you can never feel safe. Skid issue are never really ever over. They just hibernate. My SD and her issues have been hibernating for the past nearly 3 years. We have had zero, zilch, nada in terms of contact with SD or BM in 3 years. It has been awesome! We moved and built a brand new house. Neither BM or SD know where it is (unless MIL has told them). Life and career have been very good for the past few years and the lifestyle and marriage reflect that.

But because I will always have SP PTSD and know my DH preferred method of dealing with difficult things is to ignore them, I have made it a point to do what tracking I can of SD via Facebook, twitter and other web means. The other shoe after all is always out there. I can't see a lot of what SD does online because I refuse to "friend" her, but I can see enough through the friend of friends settings (thank you SIL & MIL) to have some idea. I know SD is still into the drug scene, I know she and her BF have a business selling glass pipes, bongs, and other drug paraphernalia. I know someone broke into their store and stole all their wares a year ago, but they couldn't go to the police because well.... they sell stuff that would get them in trouble.... I noticed several months back that SD changed her status to "engaged." I noticed that MIL, SIL1 and SIL2 regularly like or comment on photos, but I can only see so much with the limited access and I only think to check when I get that "feeling" or when one of your ST stories reminds me to be vigilant.

My secret worry, the one that kept me checking was that SD would end up having a "meth baby" and reappear to dump the child and drug complications on us. Of all the family and adults in SD's life. I'm the only one that is a financial success. I have money and a successful career, my family has success and lots of assets. DH is a teacher- while a noble and a good career, it pays peanuts in our state. He still has student loan debt and credit card debt he racked up with paying CS for SD. In my secret worry about the future meth baby, I worried it would be left for us to raise and I would be the one footing the bill. This fear has never left me.

Fast forward to January. It is my DH's bday. His family isn't close. He has a sister that lives across that country that he hasn't spoken to in about 5 years. Just the annual bday card and christmas card. This year she sent DH a bday card with a big surprise inside. The bday message wasn't anything special, just "Happy Birthday, Love SIL & BIL". No the surprise was the type written letter addressed to DH and his brother. It started out dressing MIL upcoming retirement, stated that SIL would like to fly home for that event and that we should throw a big retirement party for her at one of our homes. As if this wasn't thrilling enough, she added this gem. "Since SD was expecting and due about the same time as the retirement, she would like to reconnect with SD and celebrate the new grandchild. Weren't we excited to be grandparents!" Gee who wouldn't be thrilled at the prospect of a meth baby grandchild?!

DH had no idea SD was pregnant and neither did I until we received the letter. None. I had assumed with the "engaged" status we might get hit up for wedding funds sometime soon, have to attend a wedding, or endure the other crap you all have dealt with with an skid marries. I just didn't think the other shoe would drop on DH's bday. Kind of hard to have cake and ice cream after that card. Why would you have a child if you had no HS diploma, no drivers license, or legitimate job? It is like BM with SD, the cycle continues! Not to mention, I'm just too young to be a grandparent, I just barely qualify for mid-30's. DH is a few years older, but still not in the GP age-range. We were floored.

I had thought MIL was acting strange at DH's bday dinner earlier in the week, but figured his family is always weird. It wasn't until I went to FB after the letter and checked that I found MIL, SIL1, and SIL 2 had all liked and commented on a picture of SD showing off the baby bump about a week earlier. They all knew, but no one had bothered to tell us about it. It is now 4 months later and no one in DH's family has yet to mention it beyond the letter from SIL! They know we went through hell with SD. They know she dropped out and ran off with BF, but they can't call and give us a heads up. It gets added as an after thought by the SIL clear across the country!

DH, in his typical fashion, has buried the issue and won't discuss it. I managed to get out of him that he still doesn't want any contact with SD which for now extends to any future grandSD or SS. He is mad at his family, but doesn't want to tell them he is mad or discuss the issue with them at all. I asked him what we would do if SD came around wanting money. He says he won't give her anything. Any other advanced planning? No. He made it clear he didn't want my family to know about the impending grandchild. Kind of funny that directive. I don't really want to tell people. Heck I don't tell people that SD exists. My routine answer is we don't have kids and don't plan to. You have to know me really, really well and have been in my inner circle for a longtime to know SD exists. I confided in a GF and fellow SP and have just fumed about the whole thing for months.

I have been religious on checking FB and have a pretty good idea the baby is due in about a month or so. When I asked DH if he wants to know what I have uncovered, he says no. I am having a very hard time putting on my fake nice face at functions with the ILs. Luckily there aren't many events, but this "retirement" party and the impending arrival of the bossy SIL has me worrying about it on overdrive now. I can see already that I will be pushed about why we aren't holding a baby shower, or why we aren't excited or why this or that once SIL starts her arrival plans. How again is it that I'm supposed to be excited about this? They can't have not noticed all the drug references along with the baby bump pictures, can they? There is a real possibility this kid will be born with drugs in its system and who will CPS call then?! I am making plans of my own to be very busy and unavailable when SIL arrives.

I'm not sure what to do to prepare for the impending birth and all that may follow. Dealing with Dh's family is the one thing. Will BM reappear and make life fun? What about the fact that there will be a new little life sharing some of DH's DNA that looks to have a very rough beginning and chances of a cycle of poverty? I don't want to do this again. I didn't make any of the mistakes that lead to SD or grand skid. If I wanted a child, I'm still young enough to have my own! And what about all the people that will criticize if we don't step in or do step in? There is no winning. Where but ST is there a support group or Q&A about step-grandchildren that may or may not be born drug dependent? How do you even begin to process a worry like that? I feel like I should act to protect our home, our happiness and our assets, but I'm just not sure what to do that will keep the trouble from our door. 3 years of hibernating happiness and it feels like it is all back to the dark days. All the anxiety and stress, back in an instant.