This life gets sucker and sucker beginning from the day I moved here
This life gets sucker and sucker beginning from the day I moved here. BF just called and told me the hooligans will be here this evening again (they were already here yesterday the whole evening), he's adding one more evening for them to be here. I feel being robbed, right now all I have in my heart is anger, all I can think of is his selfishness. He said, "I know deep down you don't want them here. I know this is not going to work. But I want them here and I want you here too. So this is something you need to think about. You are not the only person I need to consider, there are you, my kids, my ex and me. I don't want you to stay for me, I want you to stay for yourself. We are really good together when we are together so think about if there is a future." Deep down? Really? It is written all over my face for crying out loud, it's not deep down, it's out in the open. There is no communication between me and the hooligans, we never talk, they don't even say hello to me when they come over, we only co-exist. Well, not that I care, I would rather they never talk to me. My BF's like "I am okay with the way it is, I don't want to force them to talk to you, I don't want to force you to play with them, the problem is if you are okay with the way it is." "I don't want her(ex) to be their mother but they are my kids. they are not consequences. We shouldn't be doing this to each other." So now I am left to be this "decision maker" in our relationship. Looks like we are going to have this "talk" (again) when he comes home from work. I hate having this kind of talk. For once in a while I really want to just live our life instead of "talking" about our lives. What did I do wrong to deserve this? Why am I messing up like this?
Maybe your resentment is from
Maybe your resentment is from him INFORMING you that these are the plans instead of including you in the planning?
So is he taking it over 50/50
So is he taking it over 50/50 custody without talking to you about it other than saying its happening?
There has been some talk about my GF ending up with more than 50/50 custody in the near future, but she has always approached it from a different angle, explaining why it should happen, etc. My situation is different in that in general its not unpleasant for them to be around(SD4 and SD6) and when they mostly ignored me I could get a lot of stuff done.
From some of the other posts, it seems like your BF really needs to set some major ground rules that the two of you come up with so that you can be more at peace with them being around especially if they are going to be around more. To me that he is completely marginalizing your feelings on this matter.
Yes they are his kids, yes they are a product of a divorce, but no woman is going to be happy with what is occurring here. He admits he also has to balance his life with you as well as with them, but that means that they need to make adjustments to you being in their life as well. Even if that just means you live in the same house that they do and don't interact with them much.
The way he phrased that he needs to consider his ex is a bit strange to me as well. Yes she will always be in his life as the mother of these kids but he only needs to consider her insofar is it impacts the overall parenting of his children. Her only valid concern is their well being and how your BF tends to that.
I know from other posts there are other financial things as well that he should be concerned as well. If he's giving his ex 50% in child support on top of 50/50 custody you are helping to provide the home they spend 50 percent of their time in in a very significant way as such you should be working with you in an effort to make sure your aren't as depressed, the first step should be to not marginalize how you feel in your house.