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Thanksgiving Day

misschristina95's picture

Submitted by misschristina95 on Fri, 11/27/2009 - 11:35pm

Thanksgiving 2009
BM was suppose to take the kids for a little bit but decided the night before that she did not have enough money. What that has to do with taking them to her house to see them on a holiday, I do not know.
So we ended up going to my moms, which was the plan all along. sd14 did not want to go as early as we did, but she did not have choice. We left our house around 1:30.
The day went pretty smoothly, kids running, and playing. My neice had a little crafts project, so they all made necklaces, while the adults played games. sd14 made a necklace for herself that said her name on little white cubes. ss10 made his mom a necklace with her name on it. Sad WHY WHY WHY does everything have to be surrounded by her???? She WOULD NOT EVEN SEE THEM ON THANKSGIVING-- Let along his BIRTHDAY which was a few weeks ago (she didn't even get him a present) but ss10 is sitting there making a necklace for her. Sad and why can't BF say hey, why are you making your mom a necklace with Stepmoms Moms stuff???
Am I just being ridiculous? It just makes me mad that yet more money is being wasted on this waste of space BM... and this time its my moms money being wasted-- its not even my own! It made my blood boil. I never said anything and he ended up forgetting it at my moms house anyway... Smile

My neice who is three, said grace before we ate. SS10 would not stop laughing through the whole thing. BF did nothing. I wanted to scream. My neice said more to him then BF did. She said, Okay. Stop Laughing and close your eyes. (it was pretty cute)
SS10 has trouble with "decision making" according to tests they sent home from school. Now that I know that, I can see it in his every day tasks. They say that he rushes through everything, which I already knew. He dropped a pie on the carpet at my moms house. So we cleaned it up and then he almost dropped it again because he was in such a rush. UGH.

SD14 kept saying to BF if we watch football I am going to kill you.

I see my neice, who just came to town not too long ago, and I see how polite she is at three. And SS10 (who burped at the dinner table), and SD14, who talks about murdering her dad... just made the kids seem so bad. I wonder what my own kids will turn out to be like. When I can have them from day one, and teach them how to say thank you, and excuse me... I can teach them how to behave in public, and when its okay to goof around a little. *sigh*

Comments

livinthedream's picture

Submitted by livinthedream on Sat, 11/28/2009 - 7:46am

When it is all about BM ...it can be frustrating for us. The day comes when they learn not to say anything at all about her anymore in front of you. BM can do no wrong...if she burned their hair off, they would still love her. Its great that you are doing an amazing job with your skids..keep up the good work!

Stick's picture

Submitted by Stick on Sat, 11/28/2009 - 1:15pm

MissChristina - First... Happy Thanksgiving!!

I know it hurts to have SS10 "be all about" his mom, when she doesn't have the time of day for him... but please understand that he is working out emotions as well. Do you think his thinking could be possibly..."Maybe if I make THIS for mom WHEN I get to see her... she will pay attention to me... love me.... see how much I love her... etc."

I think your SS misses his mom and KNOWS that she didn't need money to take him to her house. (Unless she couldn't afford to make a dinner for them..) In any event, he knows that she is not there for him. And he may want her, may need her to be. So please don't take it personally that he is working out some feelings and is missing her. I understand how hard it is. SD over here says she CANNOT stand her mom and doesn't want to see her. But then, she'll act like she misses her... When I ask, she denies missing her, she says she feels guilt about not seeing her. It's very frustrating for me, and I really don't know what the kid is feeling except HURT and CONFUSION about her mom. And I'm guessing that is what your SS is feeling as well.

As far as SS10 giggling during prayer, can I ask... why didn't you just shoot him "THE look"? Or, since you were at your family's house... say "Hey, settle down... time for prayers". I don't know.. would your DH challenge you in front of your family for disciplining SS?

One thing we have done in the past here to get everyone to actually LISTEN to prayers like that is to go around and say 1 thing they are thankful for.

Anyway - you made it through the holiday. And if it were me, I'd pull my husband aside after and tell him what bothered you (SS giggling, burping at the table) and then say... I would have not allowed my own children to do that... would you care if I told them to cut it out? You might be surprised. Sometimes it's not WHAT we say, it's HOW we say it. You may need to learn to discipline the kids with enough sternness that it gets the message across without getting DH to feel you are "bullying" his children. I had to learn that with DH and SD over here. How I could tell her something was not right, without him feeling I was just jumping on her.

Also, as far as SD saying she would "kill" her dad.... I don't take that stuff seriously. It may not be your cup of tea, but it could just be a "spoiled" kid teasing their dad. That's one battle, I'd let go. Concentrate on the REAL stuff... the stuff that is going to affect them as they become adults - burping at the table, giggling in times of respect. Smile

Hope this makes sense. And I'm glad you did get to see your family!

*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***