UH OH. Rainbow and Butterfly Alert!! Thanks to Katrinkle! ;)

Do NOT read if you are not in the mood for a "happy" message!

Believe me... that's not a jab at anyone. I have been in a dark place a lot recently and I have been skipping some happy empathetic posts lately!! What does that say when one of the professed "rainbows and butterflies" club is ready to down some margaritas and take out an uzi??? Hmmm....

And then... I read Katrinkle's response to CG's "Dreaming" blog.

Katrinkle had come to a place where she realized that NOTHING was going to MAKE her happy. So she made a "decision" to live a happy life.

I love this!!

I honestly believe that it is as easy AND AS DIFFICULT as that... making a "decision to be happy".

It's definitely not an every day thing that you can just do... but it is a lifestyle choice. I know that some people and even some therapists, psychologists will say this is not possible and maybe not realistic. And it is not possible for everyone. There are those that need to solve other issues first... with therapy, medication, etc. ... to help them get to the place where they can even make that decision. Believe me, I know.

I kind of look at it like... You make the decision to lead a "happy life"... but part of leading a happy life is giving yourself the slack to feel bad too, and I've come to realize... feel some emotions that could be considered ugly! I think there are a LOT of women - myself included sometimes - who need to step back and realize "It ain't ALL that deep". Maybe I need right now more than looking within, to look without. See what I can control, and what I cannot. And be happy with what I can.

We get in a funk due to stresses and other bullsh*t that's all around us. And who can't be affected by what we are living with? It's insane for us to think that we shouldn't be affected. It's also insane to stay affected.

I have been on a "less self-help" kick lately and more of getting a "fighter attitude". I kind of attribute that trait to more men than women. They handle the problem at hand, and don't seem to look too deep for the WHY OF IT ALL. For me, that's working right now. I have been less ready to take BM's side and more ready to pursue a path - I HOPE - that will be good for DH and I. If that path is not right... If we do not succeed... Then, boy oh boy, I may need something!! I don't know what yet... but something! (Morphine??)

But I'm trying not to live in fear of the circumstance that maybe what we are doing will backfire. Trying!! It is what it is. We can only TRY to do what we think is right. And that's where my happiness is coming from right now. From trying. Even though it frustrates the hell out of me. I am happier trying to solve a situation that sucks. It is going to suck while we are attempting this. It's going to suck just as hard or harder if we don't. For now, our happier path is trying to make it suck a little less!

So I guess if I could impart anything to anyone that might be reading this today, is "Give yourself a break." If you feel bad... feel bad and don't try to understand why for today. Let it go. If trying to fix it makes you feel better... try. If venting and eating ice cream makes you feel better - I'll spring for the Ben & Jerry's!

I hope you guys all have a Happy Relaxing Sunday. Before we get back to the grind of Monday and the reality of visitations ending or starting... of kids fighting ... and SO's making us crazy.

Thanks Katrinkle... I hope this blog makes you proud!! Cheers to everyone (with my coffee cup - with a little Baileys this morning!!)

Stick's blog
Log in or register to post comments

Comments

I found that I had to go

I found that I had to go face the ugly first, revel in it, touch it, forgive it, then slowly peel off the layers, and the beauty beneath began to shimmer through.

..and there it is (for me).

It's what I've realized lately about myself. My damn fears... who love to take root and make me ugly from the inside out. I also revel in the pain..the fear.. the emotions that can taint any moment. I let them run rampid and pay the price for it. I am desperately trying to fix this in myself.

I try and look at the situation from an outsider's perspective, elimiate the emotion, evaluate, think of a solution, and once I have that, I am allowed to feel the pain and cry.

This is the key and for me, an acquired trait. I have a hard time realizing when I am in a moment where I need to do this. I let my emotions take charge (again, usually fear based) and I can't rationlize or think. The age old heart vs. mind scenario.

I hate logic though damn it. I'm too much of a romantic I think...

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

Thank you, Stick! I needed

Thank you, Stick! I needed that today! We have had the SD's 12 and 15 this weekend and to my surprise, we have had a GREAT weekend. They are actually engaging and having positive conversations with me. It's amazing how if they just "treat me like a real person" my stress just melts away and I really have fun with them! I truly believe it's because I have completely disengaged and am not trying to kiss their asses anymore...I'm just being me and not putting up with any bullsh*t!

I pray that this is the beginning of things getting better. Because I KNOW they can't get any worse!! We have our 2nd mediation next week and this time it's with DH and BM, soooo....I will keep you posted!

Thanks and I hope everyone has a great Sunday!

Love