torn SS
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my 4 year old SS has been crying that he doesnt want to go with his dad for the past 2 weeks when his mother drops him off to us. Is this just a phase and what do we do to try to ease his mind? A note to that we think that his mom talks badly about us infront of him that could be what is causing this but still any suggestions??
Hi there, first of all,
Hi there, first of all, guaranteed that you are correct, she will be bad mouthing you to the max! Horrible isn't it.
When SS comes to visit, what kinds of activities do you do? Fun things? Stuff that he is into? We had a similar incident with Sk12, she shut off completely, her father read her texts and saw that she had been bad mouthing me to her mother (surprise, surprise) and wanted to go home (a 1/2 hour plane ride) so i took her for a drive (no, not into a dark forest!) and asked her what was wrong, had I done anything to upset her, and, apparently it was over something tiny, I hadn't had sympathy for her when she had fallen over the day before. We talked it through, she felt stink, I felt good after chatting with her, the day after it all came out that mum and new boyfriend were slagging us off in front of her, for not paying enough child support and you know what is sad?... this will keep happening, it's all about how you choose to deal with it. I ask about what you do with SS, because, if you keep him excited, happy, and interested, no matter what his mum says (which I think is bloody disgusting by the way) he will want to come back to see his dad. Does he have his own room? Is it interesting? A happy place? Believe me, you will feel much better when the crying stops, and he runs up to his dad. When he leaves tell him how much you will miss him, and what you will be doing the next time he visits. We do this every time with Sk12,she runs and hugs us at the airport, it's brilliant, and that way you feel as though (even though you shouldn't) you get one up on 'Potty- mouth - mum'.
Yes he has his own room own
Yes he has his own room own bunk bed (cars theme) own clothes and plenty of toys to play with. There isnt much he doesnt have with exception of every gaming system known out there. my husband and i do not believe in allowing him to sit and play video games or watch TV the entire day. we have games we encourage him to play with us and make him do some learning activity each day he is with us. The problem that we see is that we have structure and rules that he is to obey. we dont just allow him to run ammuck and mouth of to us or not listen to our rules. We do plenty of fun activities with him on the weekends that he is with us and always tell him what it is we are going to be doing the next time he sees us. I tried what you did last week when he got into our car crying because he wanted to stay with mommy, i asked him if we did anything to upset him and make him not want to come visit us and see his dad. we didnt get much of an answer out of him (we feel he is afraid to tell us things or tell us his feelings because he might get into trouble for telling us) and i dont mean get into trouble by us i think his mother tells him not to tell us things and this is tearing him apart. Since he is only 4 (and a little behind for his age) im not sure if he is capable of understanding that what he is doing is hurting daddys feelings. and im not sure if he is capable of telling us why he is feeling the way he is (or if he knows hes just not allowed to) I love this little boy very much and it is killing me just as much as it is killing my husband to see him going throuh this because of his mothers actions. and the bad thing is she just doesnt give a S*** what its doing to her son. please someone tell me that this isnt going to last long. im not sure if i can put up with this for several more months let alone years!!!
I think it will get easier,
I think it will get easier, and kids need boundaries, we also have that same problem with Sk12, no boundaries with her mum, she doesn't get an inch with us. I think you are quite lucky that he is younger, and it may take time, but he will come around. It sounds like (to me anyway) you are doing all of the right things. I think bad mouthing parents should be a form of abuse, it can completely screw a kid up. Terrible, hang in there and I wish i had more advice.
its actually in our CO that
its actually in our CO that neither parent can bad mouth the other or the spouse of the parent. im sure she does anyway but not much we can do about it until he starts with mommy said this______