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weightedworld's picture

I just wanted to check on here if anyone has dealt with a split and succesfully withheld bios from the step at the very least until they have attended therapy for their issues? I would assume all of this time holds weight on the thought of 'not' splitting siblings. And the numerous talks with bm, gma, and bd. So there has been no lack of trying. 

BD understands and stands by me but I feel that once he is on his own he will cave so his only supports aren't mad at him. He's already started to do it with other topics. 

I'm looking and digging to see what my options are figured I'd pop in here as well to see if anyone has anything? 

weightedworld's picture

I apologize, I jumped on and went entirely too fast. 

Our bios have not seen his dd in 7 months. We have decided to go our separate ways. Long story short I can no longer be blamed for the separation if we are not together so he has intentions of getting everyone back together again because he is spineless when it comes to his mother who has made demands of him coming and 'just' picking up the kids when he has his daughter. 

We previously agreed that she would not see the kids until she received some type of therapy. He has tried to talk to her mom, to no avail. He asked his mom to talk to her mom since they have a close relationship, to no avail. Per court order he can only get her every other weekend and cannot get her during the week to receive such services without permission. BM and Gma think that she does not need help. 

So the question is.. now that we are splitting is there anything out there that says I can keep the separation going? There is currently no C.O. between me and bd. 

tog redux's picture

Gotcha - well, it probably depends on why you want to keep your bios separate from SD.  If she's dangerous to them, hurts them physically, etc, and you have proof of that, then you may be able to get into a CO that she can't be around them.  But if not, it might be hard to do, since he will have the right to have his kids all together. 

If he's spinelesss with BM, will he be spineless with you, too, and just agree to keep them separate and put it in the CO?

weightedworld's picture

Apparently he just bends to whoever he is talking to I've come to find out. So we shall see? 

nengooseus's picture

This is very unlikely unless you all agreed to continue it.  I dealt with this in my divorce, too.  X and I were estranged from his parents.  I wanted to continue that after the divorce, but my lawyer advised that unless there were documented issues (police reports, etc.), X would have to agree with me for it to be in our cusotdy order, which of course, he didn't.

Honestly, this is one of the reasons that I've seen people stay in bad marriages.  The inability to control access to your kiddos by people you perceive as real threats is scary.

weightedworld's picture

He called DHS and had multiple concerns to report. The DHS worker seemed highly uninterested and even a bit pissy you could say. 

Turns out.. bm has befriended the DHS worker in her area (her other bios dad has tried for years to get her in her act) SMH!! 

So I'm not sure exactly what the report ended up saying but not 1 single concern was "founded" which was absolute BS because I was witness to over half of them myself! It was requested 2 to be sent and never was. So it makes me wonder if it was ever even completed. 

 

weightedworld's picture

A little back story... 

The school stood behind her son and contacted DHS for/with him to try and get something done because his dads previous attempts had all failed. After mom put his head through a wall in a fit of rage.

Guess what.. 

Unfounded. The Case worker flat out told him he was a liar. His dad met my kids dad in the parking lot with the papers from DHS and said he didn't know what to do anymore. 

The principal of the school is at whits ends because he has been shot down numerous times as well. He's dealt with her for years. 

Manipulation = Queen 

Rags's picture

Immediately move out of state and file for divorce from your new State of residence.  You can control things far more readily if you have physical possession of your children in a location with some distance from your STBX and can control the venue for the divorce, custody, visitation process.  Eventually you will run out of control options but the longer you can insulate your children from their father's toxic failed first  family spawn the better IMHO.

weightedworld's picture

I wish that were possible, but not an option at all unfortunately.  

We are not married neither, thank god. 

 

Rags's picture

Doing something is always an option.  As is doing nothing.  What is your plan?  Not that you need to tell me, I just hope that  you nave one and that you execute it.

weightedworld's picture

I'm not exactly sure Rags. I've put so much thought into this and have researched until my eyes are blood shot. There are a lot of cases that "sort of" cover my unique situation. I have not spoken to my lawyer about this yet because I want to have some knowledge on my back before I present this. 

I figured I would come here as well and poke around to see if anyone had any advice from being in something similar as well.