CUSTODY ORDERS AND HOW SUMMER IS SUPPOSE TO GO???
Well I am back and I have a question, my DH has placement and BM sees him wed and every other weekend, so now we disagree about how summer is suppose to go, the order reads she has him every other weekend on fridays at 4 until sun. at 6 unless there is no school on monday and then her visit is extended so now she wants him until monday night on her weekends, however that is not how I read that I read it like she gets him extra if there is no school but hello there is not school in the summer on mondays or any day so I think he should come home on sunday why change his routine he is only 5 and has done amazingly well since we have won placement, not to mention BM is moving an hour away right now she lives about 8 minutes away so now I feel since she is moving she is trying to get him more, but who is going to watch him on Mondays? Strangers?? Her family will live 45 minutes away from her once she moves they live about 30 minutes now, so I do not feel that he should have a stranger watch him every other monday while she is at work considering one of the reasons we won is because she changed his daycare 9 times and moved 6 times and now is moving again, and I also worry about him getting used to staying sunday nights during the summer and then adjusting back during the school year. What is wrong with this women that she keeps making these changes to her son and then my DH and I always are fighting about it.
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I know this is not what you
I know this is not what you want to hear but, the question is - is SS himself in school? If not she is probably right. Unfortunately it is her choice who she has watch him. I am not saying it is best for him or that I agree with it, but you don't want her to be able to use it against you that you "violated" the order.
I would guess that after a few Mondays it will get old and she will want to return him on Sunday.
I agree with cheyenne on this
I would hate to have to do it.... but if the court order says if there is no school she get him until monday.
It should have been better outlined in the court order about summer visitation.
Of course you know she is going to try and make things as difficult as possible if nothing but to up set you.
You may have to follow what the court order says or get a change in writing or modified.
We were getting screwed similarly until we went back to court. DH used to drive 4.5 hours each way to pickup sd. When she started kindergarten order changed to 6 pm.... so he had to drive until almost 11 pm every other friday until he got the order modified. Judge agreed driving 8 hours after work on a Friday was to much - so he made BM and he meet halfway at 630pm... which puts him back home by 830 - much safer for both of them.... Even though BM hates it.
I don't understand
Why would she even want to keep him that extra day to have him spend it at daycare? It's not like she'll be home with him. She'll get up, go to work, and when she gets off you and your DH will be there to pick him up.
I think she's just being a PITA. That's ridiculous.....
~All you need is Faith, Trust, and a little bit of Pixie Dust~
My H papers state
that if a holiday or the child does not have school be it Monday or Friday falls on our weekend the visitation is extended to this weekend. We do not keep him till Monday nights during summer unless Monday is a holiday.
Rosedeer, I know what your struggles are in regards to BM and you have expressed them one here. So I know you will not like this and I mean no harm what so ever but she is his mother and why would you not want him to spend an extra night with her if she wants him since it is summer and the schedule can be more lax? I remember my SS at 5 who is now almost 9 and he still has minimal concept of days and I doubt him staying with his mom on Sunday nights will throw him off so bad that it will be terribly hard for him when school starts back. Also in previous posts you state how can she be so happy and she does not even have her kid with her and that makes you upset and in this case she is wanting the extra night and that does not make you happy either. You have to chose which you want it to be for her to be uninvlovled and happy or involved and happy. I know how you feel cause I use to feel that way nothing BM did made me feel good about things. But you have to let that go. That is her son and I am sure you know from being with your H who was once the NCP that you will grab extra time anywhere you can get it. We have my SS one day a week, every other weekend, and 3 weeks in summer and usual holiday stuff. Well I can tell you that is not enough time as fast as they grow. We are trying for 50/50 and the BM has told SS she is going to take care of his dad and his Wednesday night visits. How would you think that makes SS feel. Now I know you do not express that emotion to your SS but you should encourge time with his mother and welcome it and rest easy at night knowing you have done this and that you are the primary caregiver for that child. Because no matter what mom does it always seems that the kid never sees and mom will always be great.
It is not a competition btw you and his mom. His mom is his mom and the only one he will ever have. You cannot change that or compete with it...believe me I have tried. Be glad that she wants to see him and be with him instead of dealing with an emotional 5 year old boy crying because he misses his mommy and wants to see his mommy and mommy could give 2 craps about him. I know you do not agree about the daycare swapping and keeping your H out of the loop in the past and her hate for you being directed to the child I know you cannot stand it because I cannot stand it either when BM does this to my SS. I know now that SS knows what she is like but when he was 5 he had no clue.
Again I know exactly how you feel cause I have felt and still do at times feel that way. Point of all my stuff is let is go about the visit extending through Sunday night. Let her have that time with her son he is so young and will grow so fast. I wish our BM would allow us to keep SS on Sunday night too on our weekend. After all the custody papers define the Minimum amount of time the NCP is allowed to see their child that does not mean it is the only time they can see them. Our BM has kept SS from H because of how she feels about H and it has come back to bite her in SS rebellion towards her.
I will pray for you and your struggles. Keep your head up and be the best most encouraging step-mom you can be!
I hear you, but I just want
I hear you, but I just want to make one thing clear my DH was never the NCP they both had split custody and split placement and then he went back and forth every 3 days, time was split equally. I understand what all of you are saying but I too do not understand why she wants her son to stay the night on Sunday to go to a stranger on Monday, when he can be with his aunt. She is the one moving and therefore has to do the transportation and I do not care that she has to drive an hour each way that is her stupid fault and not fair to her son, making him drive that long but this is what she wants and to me a mother puts their child before herself and him having to drive an hour each way so she can live the single life when she does not have him is not fair to him. She should have thought about this before she had a baby, she is 30 not 20 and needs to grow up and think about her kid. I have no bio kids of mine own but I love my SS and my foster daughter and have given up some things I want to do because that is what being a parent is about, I do feel parents should have fun and a life of their own but not at the expense of their children if you do not what to be a parent then do not have the child. I do not take offense to what anyone is saying on her and I am glad you all understand where I am coming from I agree she can do nothing to make me happy and she should not have to, but I get very upset when she decides to move again for the 7th time and now wants him to stay at a new daycare every other Monday, the 10th daycare she has put him at, just so she can live her life, her life should be more about her son and less about herself. She did not move for a better job or to be near family she moved to be closer to friends who she meet a year ago and could have meet friends around here if she wanted to, but again she does not think of her son so now he has to move for the 7th time and put his bed in the living room because she only got a one bedroom apartment, again not thinking of her son. So why does she act like she cares so much and she still has not told my DH that she is moving not that DH has a say nor should he, but his son will be affected by all of this so it would be nice to know what she is doing, I hear from my SS that he is sleeping in a living room but staying at "Berttas" house during the day and that the apartment is only to sleep in but his toys are at "Berttas" house, how is a 5 year old suppose to feel? How can she not see how she is affecting him, forget about me, it is about him and I NEVER say anything about her to him, if he talks about her I act SOOOOO happy I make myself sick and I do this all for him, in hopes that one day he Sees the truth. Thank you for your advice I do feel better and realize that I need to support my DH and worry less about her and I understand some of you are in her spot but I hope you have not been arrested for threatening to kill someone and then breaking an order of protection, move your child 6 times and change his daycare 9 times, all of this is not a mother and if you did all of that to your child then you should understand why you do not have them!!!~