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Unbelievable...

parentto2's picture

Submitted by parentto2 on Fri, 01/16/2015 - 5:28pm

Forums: 
Blended Family Issues

So here's a new twist or fuel to the fire that is shortening the life span of this relationship:
My GF called my daughter a b**ch! This was a couple days ago and my kids were back at their BM's house and I was trying to talk to her about what I had posted earlier. She said "She's a b**ch and she is not very nice". I guess her true feelings about my daughter came out, and what type of person calls an 11 year old kid that? I know they tend to butt heads, but seriously?!!

Glenda's picture

Submitted by Glenda on Fri, 01/16/2015 - 6:10pm

Preach on!! Sometimes it takes someone from the outside looking in to evaluate the situation. If you are a parent and notice multiple people, or those who are familiar with the situation, call her a bitch and you realize there is a pattern, you may have blinders on.

twopines's picture

Submitted by twopines on Fri, 01/16/2015 - 5:35pm

If you're so upset and astonished about it, why are you still with her?

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

Submitted by Easylikesundaymornin on Fri, 01/16/2015 - 5:37pm

Find out what happened first b4 you flip out. There are three sides to every story ~ don't be so naive ~ hear the whole story

Words shouldn't b flung around like that but I guarantee there is ALOT more to this story

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

Submitted by Easylikesundaymornin on Fri, 01/16/2015 - 6:15pm

Ummmm yes I have 4 girls ~ 11 +

Been there !

I think as SM we kinda get treated like substitute teachers. No respect & no creditability

not your momma's picture

Submitted by not your momma on Fri, 01/16/2015 - 5:51pm

Why is everyone on the side of the girlfriend here, but the other day someone posted about calling his teenage SD a bitch and the majority seemed to think he was horrible.

I really hate hypocrisy and double standards.

twopines's picture

Submitted by twopines on Fri, 01/16/2015 - 6:01pm

Who specifically are you talking about? I didn't comment on the other post you're referring to, so I'm perplexed why you're lumping me into a group you find hypocritical.

Indigo's picture

Submitted by Indigo on Fri, 01/16/2015 - 7:02pm

I remember your other post. According to your posts, your GF appears to be emotionally immature and not yet up to a blended family situation.

Yes, you fall in love with the person, but you are also a parent and a blended family will most likely occur.

As a parent you have to protect your child and surround her with role-models and healthy folk. I'd be looking towards the EXIT sign out of the corner of my eye.

twopines's picture

Submitted by twopines on Fri, 01/16/2015 - 7:15pm

Oh yes. Twice he has asked "what kind of person...?". The obvious answer is the kind of person he has as a girlfriend. It's very tedious.

Indigo's picture

Submitted by Indigo on Fri, 01/16/2015 - 7:18pm

Yeah, he posted on Blended Forum a few days ago. His DD and his SD --- same age --- were fighting. GF told him to let them "work it out" then jumped in and ripped on DD and complained to OP ... Not parenting as in helping the girls resolve their situation with guidance, but siding, dividing and attacking.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sat, 01/17/2015 - 6:19am

IMHO an 11yo does not butt heads with an adult. The kid speaks with respect, does what they are told when they are told to do it, and the adult/parent lights the kids ass up for lippy disrespectful bullshit. If you would parent and jerk a knot in your 11yo's tail your SO might not have to deal with your 11yo being a bitch.

That said, if there is more to the situation then maybe your kid needs your support and it is your SO that needs a knot jerked into her tail.

You are the one that can make that determination. Either way you must act. Either discipline your kid or boot your SO. Whichever is appropriate for your understanding of the history and current state of the situation.

IMHO of course.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Sat, 01/17/2015 - 9:42am

I wonder what the BM's take is on all of this. Most here are dealing with BMs who pains in the ass just for the hell of it. In this case, the OP's ex actually has a valid reason to give both the OP and his girlfriend hell.

parentto2's picture

Submitted by parentto2 on Mon, 01/19/2015 - 5:30pm

Damn!! I never would have thought this post would have generated such a response. I guess I could have gotten into a lot more detail about the circumstances and the relationship dynamics and that could have decreased a lot of the assumptions that were made.

I found it interesting that some people said that it must be his parenting and allowing his daughter to get away with that behavior. To clarify: I do NOT tolerate disrespect in any way. I have let both of my daughters know that there will be consequences for their behavior. My daughter has been grounded before and has had things taken away so there is follow through and knows there are consequences.

My daughters are far from perfect. I wasn't defending their behavior. I know there is more than one side to the story. Just like everbody else's story on here. We come here to vent and post and discuss but it is all our side and view of the matter. Our views can be slighted and shaped by our own situations and experiences with trying to blend families.

When my GF and I moved in together, I sat down with my kids and told them that things would be different once everyone lived together. I told them that they are my daughters and they will always have a special place in my heart. I told them I love my GF and I expected them to respect her. That is where I layed the ground rules, BEFORE we moved in.

Little did I know my at the time, My GF was telling her kids nothing would change. Just look at ALL of my previous posts for what has happened. I'm not saying my kids are innonect and I have turned a blind eye towards their behavior as some of you have assumed. It's not always the father acting like a "disneyland" dad.

Do I take blame for how my youngest can act sometimes? Of course! I believe it shows my reflection as a parent. It's my job to teach them right from wrong, morals, behavior, etc. So that is why I make sure to follow through on the discipline.

What I have failed at in this present situation is not recognizing any sooner the toxic relationship I have been in. I have put up with way too much for too long. Why? Because of love- i thought things would get better and improve. They haven't. I thought things would change. They haven't. We ALL have been there or wouldn't be on this site.

Is it okay then to call your SO's child a bitch to their face? According to some of you on here, it is..and I find that disturbing. I didn't expect rainbows and sunshine 24/7 when we tried this whole blended family thing, but I did expect respect.