Princess 18 finally called today. Ok, actually, she called yesterday, while I was out shopping with my mom. she actually didn't call me. She called my mom. After my mom talked to her awhile, my mom handed me the phone. And Princess immediately asks me an extremely personal question. (Which I couldn't even hear all of what she said- I just knew it was something I needed privacy to be able to answer...) No, "hi" "hello, how are you?" "What ya been up to?" BOOM. I was stunned. I was like, "What?!"

I told Princess I was in the check out line during a crazy Saturday sale, with music blaring, and told her I would call her back.

A few hours later, I call her. No answer- big surprise, so I leave a message.

Sunday afternoon. She calls back. My phone was on charger, so I didn't hear it ring. She didn't leave a message. I only happened to check my missed calls list, and that's how I knew to call her back. I think that's her game. She's been telling Loghead she DOES call me. But I think she calls, and when I don't answer, she just hangs up, so she can tell him she tried, but I never call her...

So i call and she answers and again, she barely says 10 words to me before she says, "What's your answer to my question from yesterday?" I told her I was in a crazy store, surrounded by tons of people and didn't really hear the question. So she repeats it. It was a question she already knew my answer to- we had discussed it when she was home in September. I told her my answer and opinion had not changed on this particular matter. And she gets all huffy about how she's an adult now and she can do what she wants, and she's just been crazed because of starting school and dealing with a difficult break up.

But I don't feel like dealing with her shit. As we're talking, I realize this is the first time I ahve talked to her since she was home in September. I decide to lay it all out. I tell her everything I said in the post I wrote yesterday about the pain she was causing me. I was in tears, and really laying it out there.

And her "grown up" "more mature" response was, "Whatever. That's not the way it's been."

She goes on to tell me she has been using this time away at school to decide who she is and who she wants to be. "I realized even though she'd been so horrible to me, that I really needed to try to fix things with Loca Grande. I'm sorry if you've felt left out, but she's my mom."

Bullshit. Ya know what? 14 years ago, when the judge asked her what she really wanted, and she said the couch and the car, she gave up her right to be a mom. When the judge asked Loghead the same question, he said "The kids. She can have everything else."

At that point, she was stripped of her "mom" title. And that's why Loghead got the kids. Loca Grande is a wacked out POS. But Princess threw away everything I felt for her in that one statement.

And that's after getting pissed at me last fall and telling me she didn't need me or my fucking money. I let that go... but this, I don't feel like letting it go.

So her crazy mother, who couldn't find time for her, cancelled important stuff, missed dance recitals, stole money from her, lied to her, did drugs in her room, etc, etc, etc, is more important than me?

Fine. I'll learn to deal with that. If that's how she wants to play it, I can sit back coolly. One day, I'll be needed. And then I can decide if I want to be there for her or not. Maybe it would be good for her to have to suffer it out a bit...

Loghead is pissed. He came in and heard me crying on the phone, so he heard everything I said. She's a loud talker, so even without speaker phone, he heard most of what she said too. When I hung up, his advice was to ignore her. "Maybe she's as crazy as her mother."

That made me cry more, and he walked out.

I couldn't let that go. I went and found him out in the yard and told him that's not what I needed. (The therapist taught me to tell him what I need from him so he knows how to respond.) I told him i just needed a hug and to be reminded that I was the mom that did everything. I told him I wanted him to let her know he was hurt too because she had hurt me, his wife. When one hurts, we both hurt. As he hugged me close (admittedly stinking like burning leaves) he whispered that he already planned to give her a piece of his mind.

Good. That makes me feel better.