SO started crying and I feel like a POS

I started a conversation about how I'm not happy etc and of course it turned into "you hate my kid and this will never work out if you want to live separate lives." Jesus. Like the issues surrounding skid even come close to the ones that we have just between the two of us.

Apparently the fact that I have zero interest in his child has been building for awhile and hurts him very badly because he started CRYING on the phone. About how he is proud of me and proud of things I do and he feels that I hate him and hate his life. And it's very obvious how I feel about children and it kills him because that is something he created and is a huge part of his life that I have zero interest or pride in. He said he embraces the things that are important to me in life like one particular hobby that I have, and I should embrace his "hobby" which is his kid. (Really, those compare??)

I feel horrible. I don't want him to feel that way and never did, that's why part of why I left in the first place.

He said he feels like he is always begging for attention from me and the fact is I just don't feel affectionate toward him that often. Our personalities are so different, relationship values etc so different, he drains me emotionally and I just don't get excited about our future or even spending time together really.

The thing that kills me is, he talks about how I treat him like shit and am horrible to him, and he ends the conversation with "This is a decision that you have to make."

He also came to ME back in August wanting to get back together, saying he understood what I needed out of life blah blah and I was under the impression he was accepting the fact that I didn't want to be that involved. I feel like he is doing what I do, trying to deny his own needs and then getting hurt when the other person can't give what you need.

I felt like a piece of shit when he started crying like that. I hate feeling this cold and heartless. One thing that always bothered me after I left was that I felt like anyone who could handle and EMBRACE his situation was somehow better than me. It really nags at me.

spackle's blog
Log in or register to post comments

Comments

Manipulation, plain and

Manipulation, plain and simple.

He thought he could change you by telling you he understood what you wanted out of life. It was buying him extra time to try and manipulate you to see things his way.

Pride in HIS kids? Why on earth would he expect you to take pride in something you didn't create or have a hand in raising??

He's a buffoon and only cares about his needs and what you give him in the relationship. From what you wrote it seems he didn't address your needs or what he can bring to the table.

And if you have no physical interest in him, then you know it's time to end things with him.

Don't beat yourself up. It

Don't beat yourself up. It doesn't sound like you're that into him anyway, aside from the skid based on your post. Don't stay just to prove you're a good enough person.

This is the It's not my

This is the It's not my parenting skills but my kids you hate' guilt trip. Stick to your guns, he won't look out for you.

its not about you. its his

its not about you. its his own guilt. let him deal with it.

let him bawl all he wants. you have your own emotions. dont apologize for having them.

Ah yes The old Tearfest of

Ah yes

The old Tearfest of Manipulation(tm)

Hat tip to rising...

I am very easily emotionally

I am very easily emotionally manipulated and I know it. It is awful and VERY hard for me to leave relationships. I'm sure it is why I keep getting sucked back into it even after how hard it was to leave.

When I was 21 years old, I broke up with someone. He committed suicide - the same day. I *know* this made a mark on me and I *know* it affects me leaving bad situations. I don't think SO would ever, ever do that. But it makes the guilt unbearable.

I always want to be that person who makes someone's life better. That was how I was when I came into SO's life. Eventually I realized nothing I could do would really change his crappy outlook on life, not to mention his stressful job and life circumstances. So I gave up... and yet still deep down I feel horrible that I can't help him.

I know it's like I'm replaying the past and trying to work out old wounds but it is ruining my life.

Just trying to give a bit of an explanation as to why this is so hard. Believe me, I see what you all see. I am unhappy, but I take on way too much responsibility for holding a relationship together, and that is why.

I had to read this post a few

I had to read this post a few times as I couldn't get past the "it kills him because that is something he created and is a huge part of his life that I have zero interest or pride in". This man wants you to feel all warm & fuzzy bursting with pride because he orgasmed inside some other woman & skid was the result?Please get him to change his meds as whatever he is on currently is clearly causing delusional fantasies on his part.I totally get that parents are proud of their bios because they share their DNA and are a part of THEM. This man sounds like a male version of the golden uterus (I shot some fast swimmers & have contributed to the production of a child now bow down and tell me how awesome I am!). I think if DH EVER told me his widdle fee fees are hurt that I'm not super stoked that he produced speshul snowflake stepson I would laugh in his face and tell him to get himself to shrink pronto! This man is trying to guilt you for not feeling something totally unnatural,hell you weren't part of the production team so why should you be proud of the end product??He is a spineless sap who needs a reality check and quickly.

Sorry didn't mean to be

Sorry didn't mean to be cold

I was hoping you could laugh about his pathetic attempt to manipulate you

It's hard not to feel bad-even if you know you are being manipulated

I'm sorry for what happened

I'm sorry for what happened in your past. All I can say is people don;t commit suicide over broken relationships. I'm sorry your ex was mentally ill, but in all honesty that illness was there before you, and you did not cause it.

I'm sure it does make leaving that much more complicated, but you should be able to leave with a clear heart.

That's the crazy thing. I

That's the crazy thing. I LEFT!!! And got dragged back into it. It's hard not to look at myself objectively and think... WTF???

Don't be hard on yourself for

Don't be hard on yourself for giving it another go. Sometimes we have to do this as a mental check to verify we've made the right decision (to leave or stay).

This is a man that wants you to change you in order to fit in with his life.

You will know when it's the right relationship, when you fit together (admittedly it's never a perfect fit but a good fit, KWIM?) without having to change your core principals and goals for the other person.

The time is right to end things, heal up and get on with your life.

Well, the flip side of that

Well, the flip side of that is some great ammo to use to fight back against the manipulation.

You left. You reconciled and tried again. You STILL want out.

Why would this dude even WANT to be with a woman who tried twice and STILL isn't happy with him? He must have zero self esteem, but that isn't your issue to fix.

You gave it a good old college try. It didn't work. Time to move along for both of you!

Thanks. I did get therapy for

Thanks. I did get therapy for a few years after the suicide. It was over a decade ago.

I saw someone again when I was thinking of getting back with SO. Her response was "Well you seem to end up back in each other's lives, that must mean something." I look back now and think, "Yeah, it's called codependency."

SO is a lot like my mother. Super negative, never happy, always complaining, acts like a child when they don't get what they want, angry outbursts etc. Then they act like afterward, you're just supposed to forget everything.

He and I would never argue if I kept my mouth shut, which I did the first time around. This time not so much. F--k that.