"the fact that he is ungrateful in general and doesn't appreciate anything. If he did, I wouldn't mind."

And that's the root of the matter.

When my SO takes me and my girls out for dinner, they always say thank you. Sometimes I have to remind them, but for the most part they do it without being reminded. He gets them birthday and Christmas gifts and they always say thank you.

I'm sure if your SO's son was appreciative, it wouldn't bother you so much.

Since your SO has his son every weekend, I would not go out to eat every weekend. Maybe if you only did it once every other week you wouldn't feel so resentful.

And is there some way you can spend time with SO and his son without having to spend a lot of money? Or is there some way you can spend time with SO during the week when he doesn't have his son? Do you always have to go out to eat?

Right now my DH is the only one working so when we do go out to eat, he pays for everyone so I guess I can't complain. But it is my opinion that he's stupid for paying for SD20 (who lives with us) because she's an adult who has a job and can afford to pay for herself at least some of the time..especially since most times, we don't even want her going in the first place. We usually only do buffets because with the exception of myself , everyone in my family eats so much that buffets are the only things that will fill everyone up. Unfortunately most buffets are kinda pricey..another reason i wish DH would make his daughter pay for herself every so often. The only thing I could suggest is not to go out to eat as much.

If money is an issue, why doesn't your SO cook dinner??

Fortunately, DH doesn't have his kids every weekend. It kind of works out on its own. On non-skid weekends I tend to pay for everything, on skid weekends, he tends to pay for everything.

I have paid for skid meals/movies/activities before and I totally understand the resentment. I never go over my budget but the regret afterwards is always there. I make more money than DH so it only seems right that when I'm the one who suggests going out that I should pay, even if it is a skid weekend. Sometimes he lets me, other times he doesn't. It's a very weird feeling to WANT to be generous to your mate but to watch people who don't deserve it reap the benefits too.

This is the kind of awkwardness no one is ever prepared for until they are smack dab in the middle of a bad step life. In the beginning I would have never guessed that I would feel resentment over paying for something that involved his kids. I could never have guessed that EVERYTHING becomes "an issue" when the skids and BM are constant PITAs.

"I didn't want kids for many reasons including the financial cost"
Re-reading your post I noticed this line.

If you did not want kids why are you dating a man with kids?

Also, be prepared if you plan to be with this guy that you are probably going to have to shoulder the lion's share of the bills. He makes less money than you and is probably paying CS on top of that. If you don't want money issues to become a problem you need to think about if you can handle how unbalanced the finances are in this relationship.

If you feel resentment now just paying for dinner for the three of you, think how you would feel when most of SO's paycheck goes to pay for another household instead of your own.

I'm just asking you to look at the future with open eyes.

I've refused to pay lately. I pick up enough extra expenses by contributing to the roof over her head and the food on the table. I don't pay for extras like that when she's with us anymore.

I pay for SO, myself and SD6 when we go to a place I enjoy going to for coffee and bagels. I always pay there. He pretty much pays everywhere else when it is the two or three of us. I do take SD6 out as the two of us, and of course I pay...

Yesterday I had her for about six hours and I bought her McDonalds. I also spent about ten bucks at the arcade. This is a special treat, though.

We dont take skids out. So nope. I dont pay for them.

I think we took my SD out to eat once but I had a coupon.

Otherwise, it was just a big waste of money.

I usually try to avoid going out to eat when DH has SS6. We usually split all of our dining tabs 50/50 whether the skid is with us or not. Since I drink more (to dull the pain and boredom) than DH when Skidly is with us, I'm probably getting the better end of the deal financially.

However, as others above have pointed out, eating out is just the tip of the iceberg when considering the long-term financial ramifications of being in a relationship with someone who has kids. I too make significantly more than my DH, almost 50% more. And as a result, I end up paying for almost everything else because his CS is 30% of his take home pay. Aside from meals out, DH pays half the mortgage, the electricity bill and the gas bill (this is only used for our oven and hot water, not to heat the house) on a monthly basis. I pay for everything else, including groceries, cable and heat, which in the northeast is quite expensive. We bought a fixer-upper last year so I've been paying all of the repair and remodeling bills as well. I also foot the bill for all of our vacations.

I did know that's what it would be like going into the relationship. But I do sometimes resent it and I definitely do dream of what the $1300 of monthly CS money could be used for, such as awesome vacations for just the two of us or maybe we'd be able to put the addition on that much quicker.

I would also strongly suggest that you tell your SO that you need at least every other weekend to be skid free. Make it clear that he needs to make you a priority, otherwise you'll find someone else who will. We used to have Skidly every weekend until I put my foot down and demanded that be cut back to every other weekend. DH wasn't happy about it, but even he realized how hard it was to get things done with the skid around.

Good luck with everything.