things I'm sick of. New Year's Rant.
These are all the things I need to figure out whether I want to continue to deal with. I got away from all this and somehow ended up back in it. I don't know why. I love him, but I don't feel IN love with him. I don't feel affectionate toward him and I never want to have sex. I don't feel excited about our future. I just kind of exist with him. So here we go
- he has his son every single weekend
- we live an hour apart, meaning the weekends are basically it. if we are lucky, we see each other maybe two days a month without the kid around
- SO has crippling insecurity and always has. It is not attractive at all. In the beginning I tried to look past it and bent over backward and gave him everything he wanted, gave him the constant reassurance, etc. It was EXHAUSTING and guess what? It didn't help. This time around I have made a point to not start doing things I have no intention of keeping up - who wants to CONSTANTLY reassure someone else - like multiple times a week? Not me. But I'm "unsupportive" and "cold" now
- SO talks about sex all the time. I've managed to get him to talk about it much less, but when he does, it's always obvious he's been keeping it bottled up and he just won't shut up about things that are a TOTAL turn off to me. And I've told him that before. Please don't talk about X and Y because I know you're into it but it physically and emotionally turns me off. He still does it. It's like dealing with a 15 year old boy. SHUT UP!
- skid has ADHD and given that his parents are lazy and make excuses now, I worry how the kid will be in 10 years (he's 7)
- I make significantly more than SO and it's obvious that it bothers him (see insecurity above) - and I'm sick of it. Man up already.
He complains all the time about how he doesn't "feel like a man" and I "emasculate" him. Well, you are super insecure and constantly complain and need reassurance - it's UNATTRACTIVE. Does he get that? NO.
I'm so sick of trying to explain and defend myself. I just don't have it in me anymore. Nor do I really care at this point if he understands me. I really don't.
He says he feels insecure and that he is "holding me back" because i can't do a lot of things I would be doing if he weren't in the picture - like travel, going out more often etc. Because he's broke. He makes a decent salary but considering child support and what he actually spends on top if it considering he has skid every single weekend - no money. It does get annoying, but the problem is he won't let me just accept it in peace. He has to TALK about it all the time.
SO is a "gusher". He has to talk about everything, ad nauseum. Obsessive. Drives me f--king INSANE on all topics. I am constantly having to hear him ramble on and on or even worse, the insanely long text messages, one right after the other. SHUT UP!! JUST SHUT THE F___ UP!!!
Got a lot of things to figure out. Just needed to get it out of my head. *deep breath*
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Comments
That's what kills me. There
That's what kills me. There is a VERY kind, considerate side to him. It's just canceled out by the other crap. I always have to hear about all the nice things he does for me, which is true - but it's all the other stuff that sort of cancels it out.
I've noticed as I've started making more money, that I tolerate a lot less from men. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. It's not like I ever depended on men for money, but at the same time - he helps me out and is very much a "do things for other people and give gifts" and I don't NEED that. I can buy what I need, whether it is a service or a material item. What I NEED is to be with someone who is generally - I know we all go through rough times, but someone who is GENERALLY - self-confident, calm, and positive. He is not that. Of course, I'm not like that all the time either, which he LOVES to throw back in my face. I can't try and talk to him about his negativity without instantly having to hear "YOU'RE negative." Well, that's helpful.
I've been reading a lot about highly sensitive people/empaths and god - that is SO me. It is VERY hard for me to be around chronically depressed/negative people. And that is SO. Yes, he is going through a hard time right now, but that's been the case since we met. And it's all a result of his life choices, and baseline personality (anxious, fearful).
I suck up his negativity like a sponge. And it is VERY hard to deflect energy like that. He would never understand that, though. I'm just "unsupportive" and "don't allow him to have bad times." Yeah. Except that you are like this no matter what is going on. He has an excuse now - shitty job and money problems - but we have NEVER had a period in our relationship where he wasn't stressed about something. NEVER EVER.
You're right. I allow him to
You're right. I allow him to manipulate me because for some reason I fall into this thing where I feel like I have to explain and justify my actions to others. I feel like if I don't, I'm the awful person he sometimes tries to accuse me of being. And let's face it, nobody wants to feel like they are some heartless bitch.
This guy has crazy abandonment issues. I didn't realize how bad it was until the other night. We got into a fight because he made some asshole comment about me being on vacation the last two weeks and making so much more money than him on top of it, while he busts his ass and gets paid shit (which sucks, I admit, and he is looking for another job - but there was no need for that comment).
I didn't appreciate being talked to that way, and he was giving off all this stressed out energy and acting like a child, so I got up and left the room, saying I didn't want to be around him.
He starts SCREAMING about how I'm "abandoning" him. He used that word multiple times.
He acts like an ass and I'm just supposed to sit there and take it? Or else he throws the word ABANDON at me? What the hell is that???
It really scared me. Not like, in fear of my life scared. But he was so upset and I just didn't get it. I told him he needs to learn the same lesson his kid needs to learn, which is that a) what you say affects other people and b) if you act a certain way, people may choose not to be around you.
The whole thing was just weird. Abandoning him. WTF.
Well, lets stop playing the
Well, lets stop playing the blame game here, haha, I'm sure you both have a hand in the death of the relationship, you know? Sounds like a classic mismatch of personalities to me. It's a new year,Spackle- time to move on!
I have the perfect solution.
I have the perfect solution. Look deeply into his eyes and utter the following:
"Good bye."
I'm not sure if you are old
I'm not sure if you are old enough to remember Ann Landers - her advice column appeared in newspapers for 47 years was read by millions of people. Her go to advice for people trying to decide whether to stay in a relationship was simple: Are you better with him or without him?
Make an actual positive and negative list - it will probably provide you the answer.
I really wish the headline
I really wish the headline had not stopped right after the word "old!"
You are right... I came
You are right... I came across an article about this very topic last night. I saved it... and will be re-reading it over and over. I have this problem in relationships, especially toxic ones!!