Reassuring my stepchildren I’m here to stay
I'm struggling with reassuring my stepchildren I'm here to stay. We all love each other there's no issue there but my partners ex is constantly denigrating us to the children telling them not to get attached that I can just leave. I love the children and they love me but at least once a month a conversation will come up that makes me believe that I'm not reassuring them enough that I'm here to stay and they don't have to fear a departure. Eg. we were talking about facts of Australia and they asked if we could go. I told them when you're all 18 I'll be happy to take you. Their response "But you won't remember us" I reassured them that I am here to stay and they are stuck with me forever and ever. They broke into a huge smile and hugged me but these instances keep happening. How can we have a lasting reassurance that we are a family to stay.
You have to counter BM's
You have to counter BM's toxic crap.
When the Skids shout the doubt ask them who is telling them that you are leaving and start highlighting that manipulation for what it is.
The kids need clarity.
Actions speak louder than
Actions speak louder than words. They will figure out soon enough that you aren't going anywhere. Don't get into a pissing contest with BM by calling out what she's saying. Just be there.
This is really the only way
This is really the only way to handle it without literally coming out and telling them that their mom is lying.
Time and actions will become apparent.. the longer you are there for them... the less insecure they will become.
What mom is saying "could" happen.. and while you don't have any intention of leaving.. it's still in the slight realm of possibility.. so telling the kids that you will "never" leave.. well.. that's maybe not 100% true either.. but try to explain the shades of gray and it gets really complicated.
When they say.. you will forget us.. say... "how could I forget such great kids as you?"
BM told SS that DH was just
BM told SS that DH was just "using me".
Welp, 10 years later, here I am.
Hahaha, GBM told my DH the
Hahaha, GBM told my DH the last time he ever spoke to her that things would go "back to normal" with him and BM once I was out of the picture (I didn't even know him when they broke up).
I would not reassure them of
I would not reassure them of something you have no control over. The best I would do is say I have no intention of going anywhere, or I plan to be here a long time. As a PP said, actions speak louder than words. With each passing day that you're there, the kids will become more comfortable that you're not a temporary fixture.
You cant because you dont
You cant because you dont know that. Maybe just tell them that you will always care about them regardless of circumstances? Assuming that's true? If theres abandonment issues maybe look into therapy.