OT - Why now DH?!
My family has a history of "functional" mental health issues, as I like to call them. Mainly, it's depression, anxiety, and mood swings. My mother and sister are both medicated, but I can generally keep everything controlled through relaxation, exercise, writing, etc.
I cycle through moods, and I know when I'm about to hit a low point (don't know when Ill hit the high point, but I know it has happened after it happens). With all the exercise I have been doing in recent months, combined with being at a newer job that is less anxiety-inducing and our monetary situation being improved, I have been the most even mood-wise that I have ever been.
Well, work got stressful, and I had to work an extra day this week. Really, work is going to be hell until May. I haven't been able to exercise as much, which caused some muscle loss and weight gain that made me a little upset with myself. DH and I have both been tired, so less sex. DH and I are in a "pay everything off" spree, so money is "tight" in that it's all allocated to paying something off, which means less money to go out when we have free time. Oh, and the boys are here for a week starting tonight.
I told DH earlier this week that my mood was shifting downward. This means that I am usually more irritable, sad, and snappy. It usually takes 3-4 days before I hit bottom, at which point I'm sad, cry, want to run away, and generally want to be left TF alone.
Last night, I told DH my paranoia and anxiety that I annoy everyone was hitting - this usually means "rock bottom" is 24 hours or less away. He was super sweet last night, cuddling with me, trying to keep me calm and relaxed.
Then today, it's like he just totally forgot. He saw some inflammatory post on my FB feed and started on a tirade about it - not at me, just in general. He wants to have a discussion/debate about it, which at any other time would be fine. However, today is not the day. I'm irritable and I'm going to say my peace. This, of course, means I get loud. It means I dig my heels in. This is a thing that sends DH over the edge every. Single. Time.
So, he gets mad and yells. I shut down. He wants to know if I'm going to talk. I shake my head. He goes out to smoke. I sit here and wrote this.
Ninety percent of the time we don't argue or fight. We are both really good about telling the other when we're feeling a way that means we should tread carefully and with compassion. Why in the ever-loving F would he choose NOW to debate a non-issue knowing the place I am in mentally?! It has been literal MONTHS since I have had one of these days, so it's not like this is a weekly occurence that he is dancing around. And he KNEW!
I am hoping venting this will help calm me some so that I make it through today a little less volatile.
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Comments
Hugs sweetie. Kudos for all
Hugs sweetie. Kudos for all the work you have done so that you are able to identify your moods and work to handle them.
Be kind to yourself and your husband...they are men :). Ask for space and take it.
Thank you. He and I have both
Thank you. He and I have both worked hard on figuring out our triggers, asking for space or whatever it is we need, and trying to be sensitive when one of us is experiencing a worse episode.
We talked about it. We both apologized for our parts. We have both been stressed and tired, so it blew up more than normal. However, we both knew it and will spend most of today trying to work through our own pieces together.
Lt Dad... {{{HUGS}}}
Lt Dad... {{{HUGS}}}
Thank you, Aniki. I needed
Thank you, Aniki. I needed that. *smile*
I Will Be Your Stress Buddy!
We are seriously understaffed at work and it doesn't improve until May either. Basically I am doing the job of two people that are permanently gone and have been for about 2 to 3 years now. Plus my own job plus all of my new higher level duties.
Last week, one of the idiotic users snapped at me. I had to get out five machines by myself in two days without the aid of images in this case fresh out of the box. A lot of stuff went wrong. They are on a completely different domain than we are. Meanwhile I make less money then a bunch of my co-workers who sit around and do practically nothing all day. One of the idiots refused to be the slightest of help to me.
Then they promoted two other workers to my old position in which we lost the two people permanently. Problem is although the two people we lost permanently were shiftless, the new people they promoted know nothing about computers and constantly burn up my phone asking me questions that they could Google. Another overpaid lazy "lifer" (30+ years, ancient 1984 "skills" and no sign of retiring anytime soon) does this consistently to me and the manager. One of the newest they hired to my old position that I am still doing doesn't like to work prefers to charm the male staff with her physical Anatomy and she is no spring chicken either.
In other words, civil service is a joke. Then we pile on the fact that it is tax time for Chef's business which we will have to pay into this year. I finally got that done and I'm waiting until April 15th to send the check.
I'm also on a rather severe diet plus I've taken on a new computer programming course. In the grand scheme of things I'm hoping to replace a much higher paid person who is retiring this October!
PS my mother and sister also have a history of depression as well my mother is constantly been on meds and in and out of mental institutions.
Stress Buddy sounds like a
Stress Buddy sounds like a bad 80s crime drama. We need a theme song!
I struggle with wanting to get medicated because I watch my mom and sister struggle with their meds. Even on meds, they are worse off than I am off of them. They function, but their highs are much higher and their lows are much lower. When their meds are out of whack, or they have to switch, it's terrifying. I have a pretty good routine that keeps me going most of the time. This weekend was just bad.
We'll get through this together! May can't get here soon enough.