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OSS now feels like an in-law...

lieutenant_dad's picture

What's up STalkers! It has been a hot minute since I've been on (likely to the relief of some). I haven't had much to complain about, so I have taken a break from here to give myself some peace.

On the positives: DD is now 1. She is starting to walk and just learned how to say Mama (cue me melting into goo). She is great, and I am fully in the "no more babies" camp. I hated the baby stage so much. I hated being pregnant. If you hear another pregnancy announcement from me, some cosmic force is at work and I am the punchline of its joke.

Also positive, YSK got accepted into college! It's a regional school, so smaller campus that is used to more commuters and non-traditional students. I hope they'll do well, and they are proud that they were able to get in.

DH has been good. No real complaints about him. Even ET has been fine, likely because she has been absent for months minus a lunch date with YSK here and there.

My beef right now? OSS. I should have known he would burnout. The kid started college with enough credits to graduate in two years and now he's not sure if he'll graduate in four. No job, dislikes his roommate because he *checks notes* goes to bed at a reasonable hour, racked up loads of fees because he couldn't be bothered to pay his schooling this past semester even though the cash is sitting in his 529 account, and has been just inconsiderate since he has been here. He isn't mean or rude or anything; just no effort to be anything more than a presence that eats my food and stinks up my house.

Him being here also means YSK acts like a snotty tool from time to time. I know shared trauma and all that, but sweet lord is it annoying. And yes, it 100% gets called out.

OSS has now just become an in-law that is taking up a room in my house. He contributes nothing and has no game plan for his future. I don't wish him any ill will, but I am so not liking the person he is becoming.

No need for advice unless you know a good cocktail (looking at you, Aniki). I know what needs to happen, just not at a point yet where I need to do anything. He goes back to school in a couple of weeks and then I have 5 months to plot it out and talk to DH about it. Just not worth it to me right now other than to vent a bit.


Rumplestiltskin's picture

Congrats on DD's first birthday! I was also not a "baby" mom. I would hate the crying and not knowing what specifically was wrong. Once they learn to use their words it gets a lot easier and more rewarding. The next big milestone was them developing enough so you didn't have to watch them every second (hello naps for me!) That comes a few years later but i really enjoyed the pre-school and early school age where i could teach them things and see their progress. I remember my youngest's first word. We were in the pool at a relative's house and they started crying. I asked "Oh no, what's wrong?" expecting more crying in return, but instead they said "F....f.....freezing!" so i got them out and wrapped them up. It gets more rewarding as they grow for sure. 

BethAnne's picture

I read this recently and it resonated completely with me and my husband. (Not so much not knowing what to expect, but just that it really does suck).

And I had two sucky pregnancies, made me suucidally depressed the first time and not much better for the second, though getting on anti depressants earlier helped a lot.

It is slowly getting better as the kids (3 and 1.5 years) get more independent and I am reclaiming more of my life back. We got a regular babysitter a couple of months ago and twice monthly date nights have been a game changer. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Treat those date nights like the holy days of obligation that they are - obligations to yourself and your spouse! 

grannyd's picture

 Happy to see you back, lieutenant_dad; it’s been so long, in fact, that Private Baby is now starting to walk! 'One' is an adorable but exhausting age as The Private examines everything and pops it into her mouth. It takes endless vigilance to keep new toddlers from annihilating their wee selves.

Sounds like you’re coping and, as quickly as your LO has gone from a howler to a walker, your older SS will convert from a resident in-law to a PITA on his own. 

Love the updates, Hon, and would love to read more of them!

StepUltimate's picture

Nice to see your name & read your update. 


BethAnne's picture

As for cocktails, I love some kir which is just creme de cassis in white wine, (if you use bubbles it is kir royale). Great for using up any sub par white wine you were gifted over the holidays. 

Rags's picture

Hey Lt!

I am glad to hear that the LO is entering the more fun stage.

Take care of you!


Aniki-Moderator's picture

Good to "see" you, LD! Baby is 1 and starting to walk?! Time certainly flies!

May I recommend:

Apple Cranberry Moscow Mule

  • Ice
  • 4 ounces vodka
  • ¼ cup cranberry juice
  • ½ cup sparkling apple juice
  • 2 ginger beers
  • fresh cranberries for garnish
  1. Fill two large glasses with ice.
  2. Add the Vodka and cranberry juice.
  3. Add the sparkling apple juice and then fill the rest of the way with the ginger beer.
  4. Stir gently to combine.
  5. Top with fresh cranberries and serve immediately.

thinkthrice's picture

For disliking the baby stage.   AwesomeDIL often asks me about what it was like when Awesomeson and Peg were babies/toddlers.  As a single mom i can't remember much as perhaps subconsciously I was blocking it all.

Livingoutloud's picture

Same. Not as much as not liking it but life was so hard that I remember nothing. My DD often asks if she did XYZ what my grandson (toddler) is doing, logically probably yes but I have zero memory. It's all a blur. Even though I was briefly married then, my ex husband didn't help with anything, I was very young and life was a struggle. Don't remember much 

CLove's picture

Glad to see you update, not glad about SS.

Things are calmer here on the West Coast. 5 months to go and then SD17 Powersulk turns 18 and graduates high school. Im mentally prepping for what comes after that because I know that the preferred household will be toxic troll because its her community of friends and its beach town vs no community and dusty ag town 30 mins from community. So, because its so close to "that time" a lot of things slide.

SD17 PS doesnt have a job and doesnt drive herself anywhere. Her friends drive and her friends float her. Shes a lot friendlier now and actually sais hello in a friendly way and we chat. Recently she skated off without any parental clearance to a co-ed sleepover, but apologised so Im just going to ignore it for now. I did let her know that adult priviledges mean adult responsibilities.

Sd24 still doesnt drive but is working a job close to where she lives so she now walks to her job, whatever that is. Shes been active on the family texts (husbands fam) and attending the functions so we now see her and hear her as she sucks the air out of every room with her incessant needs to talk about herself.

Other than that, all is good with work. Happy new year!

SS sounds like a lump of nothing. Hopefully its a phase and he snaps out of it.

grannyd's picture

And BTW, my dear, I suggest that you read:

‘All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood’, by Jennifer Senior

It’s a pretty amazing and enjoyable treatise on the reality of parenthood and, as far as this oldster is concerned, required reading for every new mother (when you find the time, of course). Help

Rags's picture

I missed the infant stage.  My was born (into my life) when he was 15mos old. He was walking and engaging though not talking. 

I did do daddy diaper duty for a year or two after his mom and I marred the week before he turned 2yo.  I did have the early infant stage experience when my niece was born.  My brother, his DW, and niece were living together at that time in a home he and I owned together.  That lasted until my niece was 5mos old. So, I did the BIL pregnant lady thing and the Uncle infant care thing when my bro and SIL needed a break.

I did not hate it. But..... I was not inspired enough by it to actually spawn some of my own.

I got mine.... after the first year or two of the LO stage.