Based on the fact that me and DH's income is about the same, and we each have the same amount of children each, we each pay for our own children's needs. There are times where if I'm out shopping, I will pick up a pair of shoes, or an outfit for his children, there are times where if we go out to eat I will pay for all, and vice versa. As far as college goes, I am responsible for my children, and he is responsible for his. During Christmas or Birthdays, we each buy our own children's things but on the tags we put from the both of us.

Each family is different, and different things work for different families. You have to find what works best for you and your BF. I don't know that I would combine finances unless you guys were married first, and even then there are pros and cons for both combining and/or keeping things seperate.

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“Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.”

There's been a few discussions on this... I'll try to find it and paste the link on here so you can see a bunch of different responses... Just may take me a bit because I would need to go thru my history and I have to run out soon!

*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***

That married people married finances. Put it all in one pot, set an "allowance" aside for each parent but all the expenses are in the budget and nothing is HIS or MINE anymore.

Like, my cell isn't my cell... it's one of OUR cell bills.

That's the only way to really make the partnership totally blended, IMO. But whatever works.

The "allowance" is for, SM... I guess the theory behind it is it's the same amount so both parties are equal.

Money is TOTALLY a huge stressor... that's what this principle is designed to eliminate. Who knows, my DH makes more than me and is always pushing back on the great equalizer. I have yet to put my foot down about it.

Since you've only been in this situation since March, I'd only contribute as much as you WANT to when it comes to his SS. The kid is not your responsibility. You say that you own a house together, so that makes things a little trickier. I'm thinking back to guys I've dated (without kids) that took advantage of me financially. In one particular case, the guy made about 3 times what I made & yet every week I was doing the grocery shopping & stocking HIS place with food. What a dumbass I was!!!

When I met my now-husband, he was having a lot of trouble financially. I felt bad for him, so I did occasionally buy some groceries & bought him things I felt he & the kids really needed. After we moved in together, we basically split all the bills. He was able to get a better job & pay off his debt while I took care of the kids after school. After we got married, we combined everything. All our bank accounts are joint. I'm pretty much in charge of finances, but I keep him up to date on our situation. There are no secrets on where the money goes. If SD9 needs something, it comes out of OUR money, not HIS. I couldn't imagine being married or in a long-term relationship & not combining finances. But for some people it works, so I'm not saying it's wrong!

I opened up my very first bank account ever. I did it as a joint account with my BF. We've been living together for a year and I recently got a job so my contributions are still new. He does have an account set up separately for himself to pay CS and have a tiny bit extra to save our butts if we ever lose the other debit card to the joint account or something. I have access to both, but only contribute to the joint one.

There have been so many different ways that people do it that it's hard to say what's best, right or wrong. It's essential, however, that you have a good, honest talk with your BF about your hesitation towards contributing to his child. You have every right to feel like you don't want to and that shouldn't be something he'd get "mad" about. His kid, his responsibility. You can only do so much, and you do, as you are not a stingy hateful person, but the kid has both parents and both parents should be the ones taking care of what they made. Stand your ground on that, I say. If he does throw a hissy fit, first, bitch slap him back to reality and then ask nicely that if this situation was on HIS plate, would he feel similarly about contributing to YOUR child's expenses?

My BF thought I might have issues contributing to an account that pays for CS so when I brought it up, he had already thought it over. These men aren't dumb and money isn't easy to come by,with or without kids, so be straight forward and honest and make a plan that suits the best for you both. Always, always, always protect yourself first financially.

If you wish to give off light, you must endure the burning.

it was his money and my money. We combined bank accounts within the first few months of living together. Its what works for us, and we're both happy with it.

I completely get that a marriage is a shared responsibility. However, when there are skids and money involved, it could end up creating a very tense and resentful atmosphere. It's one thing to share mortgage, food expenses, utilities, car pmts, etc that you both share. However, you don't technically 'share' the skids. They are his/her kids and the BM/BD. What if both parents have kids from a previous marriage? What if your skid wants to go to law school, yet your own child wants to go to beauty school? HUGE different in tuition amounts. Would you be willing to spend an extra $80,000 on your skid, over and above what you spent on your own child? I just think that could cause a lot of resentment in the future.

My DH and I have everything joint. I can't imagine not having it this way, for us.... When we got married, I didn't have a "pot to piddle in". Nothing. Nada. He had a house with a lot of equity, car paid off, decent savings account, etc. He is very good with money and I'm not...because I never really had any!! We talked openly about EVERYTHING when we were first dating. He knew I wasn't coming into the relationship with money (or child support) and it didn't bother him one iota.

He doesn't pay CS per se since it's 50/50. BM pays for all the expenses (Daycare, Brownies (aka Girl Scouts for little kiddos), clothes, etc. She sends us a spreadsheet and we pay half if we agree with her numbers. If I get SD clothes, we deduct half from the amount we pay her.

I don't get any CS for DD13....after 10 years, ExH owes in excess of $65,000 and I'm sure I won't ever get one red cent of that. He has a warrant out for this, so it keeps him away and my DD can enjoy a normal life...he is a POS!!! DH and I pay for everything for DD13 and he has never had an issue with it.

Anyhoo, every couple is different and different things work for them. If he was handing out money to BM for BS things, I'm sure I would be ticked and I would speak my mind. I still would want joint accounts. I've always wanted to know how couples do it that have separate accounts....do you split the grocery bill?...or do you buy your own food? Who pays for the movies--do you buy your own ticket? It just seems so confusing.....

I have one teen who lives with us and he has 3, count 'em, THREE teens who live with their mother. He is paying child support, plus extras like TRIPS TO EUROPE for all three, even though the oldest is already 18. He can't afford this. If we didn't live together, he would be living in a basement apartment with a t.v. and a lawn chair due to all of the money he has to send to his ex-wife's home. He was still paying spousal support nine years after they separated as well (I took care of that in a hurry).

Stick helped me reframe the picture: His money goes to him, me, my daughter, and his kids. My money goes to him, my daughter and me. I have no financial obligation to his children and refuse to contribute to them. If they actually (heaven forbid) lived with us, the story would be different.

So we do have joint accounts for common expenses, including expenses for the kid who lives here. We also have separate accounts for our own personal spending. I'm not resentful anymore.