strugglingSM's Blog
BM texting all weekend
BM has been texting both SSs since Friday evening to plan their vacation. She texted them on Friday night to show them the “treehouse” that sleeps four that they plan to stuff seven people in for three days. Then she texted them again on Saturday to tell them all the things they plan to do while there. Then this morning she texted them to “ask” if she should email the parents of the friends who they want to come with them. DH only has SSs four days a month, why is it that BM always has “urgent” matters to text them about during those four days.
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Dealing with the "I know you are, but what I am" approach BM takes to everything
To further the long saga of mediation - first demanded by BM in October, but she has refused to schedule since then, alternating between threatening to take DH to court if he doesn't give in to her demands and claiming - through her lawyer - that she now thinks they just can resolve things through a quick phone call - we finally received a letter from BM's lawyer that includes the issues she supposedly wants to mediate.
Still on the list:
- That DH not communicate with her through the children
- That DH stop saying mean things about her
Manipulative Teen Stepchildren
I can’t stand one of my SSs. He is enmeshed with BM, so is constantly telling her everything that goes on in our house. He is also a liar - he always has been, it just used to be little things, like cheating at games and blaming others, now it’s big lies like telling BM that I take his phone away when he is talking to her because I’m jealous.
He also regularly throws temper tantrums even though he is a teenager. He is particarly likely to do this when he is embarrassed or gets in trouble for something. BM is the same way - nothing is her fault.
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DH’s family
Since November, BM has been threatening mediation to reduce the amount of time SSs spend with DH, saying how much melodramatic SS hates being around DH, how traumatic it is for both children to spend time with us, how her family are all going to submit affadavits testifying to all for wh terrible things DH and I say about her, how I try to keep her from contacting her children while they are with me because I’m jealous of her, etc.
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Enmeshed children
At his last mediation with BM, DH agreed to give up spring break every other year, so Skids could go to stay at BM’s parents winter home in California. DH agreed because he thought it would be good for Skids to spend time with their grandparents. Mind you, these grandparents live 10 minutes away from Skids in the non-winter months, but whatever, according to DH, BM was always concerned that her parents didn’t pay enough attention to Skids.
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Apparently, I’m just jealous...
Two weeks ago on visitation weekend, DH and I took both Skids and one of their friends to the family cabin. At 7:30am on Sunday, one skid is banging on our bedroom door saying, “dad, we have to leave now. We have a flag football game at 10am!” BM had texted him that morning to tell him. The cabin is over 2 hours away, so I tell him, “we’re not going, we’re not going to make it.” Of course, DH relents and we all rush around like idiots to get out to the car and race home.
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It's a miracle!
It's a miracle, both of SSs Fs in math miraculously became Bs. Since DH couldn't even ask SS about his grades last week (when they closed) because SS was so embarrassed and upset, I'm thinking this means that he got a do-over and lots of help on that do-over, so he'd feel better about his grades. He also had 2 Ds that miraculously become Cs. This all happened days after the semester had closed. He has an IEP, but he is plenty capable, he just doesn't do work or pay attention in class and BM tells him that it's not his fault, the teachers need to realize that school is hard for him.
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BM is no better at being a pet parent than she is at being a real parent
My DH has always been a dog person. His family loves a breed of hunting dogs. When he and BM divorced, the dog they had lived with him. DH’s living situation was precarious after getting divorced and he needed to find a place for the dog to live for several months. He begged BM to take in the dog. He even offered her $1000 to take the dog. BM refused. This dog had lived in her house months before and had lived with her and DH for four years before the divorce. One SS was devastated that the dog would have to go and begged BM to take him. She still refused.
"Rioting and danger"
Over the weekend, DH took SSs with him on a march in honor of MLK. It's a march that has been happening in our area for decades as part of a day-long celebration of MLK. The United Way is one of the major sponsors of the event. In other words, it's very safe and has never gotten out of hand. DH is part of an organization that participates every year and he wanted his children to experience the event. They are also in middle school, so plenty old enough to participate.
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Too Young to Stay Alone for a Weekend
Last weekend - not a visitation weekend for us - BM's company had a no children ski trip. She went with her SO and left SSs (twins, almost 13) home alone with their 17 year old stepbrother. I'm the only one who thinks that's a tad too young to be staying home alone for an entire weekend.
Mind you, the stepbrother has been staying home alone on weekends at least since he was 14. BM used to ask DH to take the stepbrother on his weekends on occasion and DH always declined.
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