SteppingUp's Blog
Turning the tables...advice for a friend (BM) whose ex is not paying child support.
My friend is the BM in this situation. She has FULL custody of her daughter and the biological father has no contact (history of domestic violence). However, the biofather is married now, and has another daughter with his current wife. Two years ago, the biofather stopped paying child support. It took CSE months to figure out "why"...all they could determine is that he has no income anymore. Indeed they finally figured out that he is going to college again, therefore not working, so he must be living off of his wife's paycheck and maybe working on the side for cash under the table.
"SD"6's biodad....an update from us attempting to contact him.
For those that follow my backstory, I just realized that I never blogged about this, mostly because it's an unfinished story. A month or so ago I blogged that we were contacting SD6's biological father via Facebook, mostly to open up communication with him.
BM has told us that in the past year, he has asked her to have SD6 on the nights we take her, but she refuses to give that to him. He has threatened to take her to court because of it.
Don't you wish CS would look into the ways BM spends?
That should be a requirement before receiving child support checks. Child Support Enforcement should have to review BM's bank account each year to see where her spending is going, to ensure that CS money is going toward the children's expenses. Guarantee 99% of BM's income (after paying rent and car payment and such) go to hair appointments, nail appointments, tanning, higher end shopping stores, and of course the local bar.
My first throw-down with BM this weekend.
Okay, it wasn't really a throw-down.... 
But I DID finally stand up to her, IN PERSON, for the first time.
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BM can initiate contact with ME but I can't with her. Oh that's right -- HER game, HER rules.
A few weeks ago BM blew up because I was emailing her giving her a heads up that we MAY ask her to switch some days with us. Since I'm at work at a computer all day and FDH is on his feet with customers it just made more sense for ME to email her than to wait for FDH to have time to contact her. She freaked out that I was contacting her regarding the skids even though it was something FDH and I had already agreed to talk to her about.
SD6 wants to get naked with a boy. BM is mad at Daycare and us for being upset about this?
I am supposed to not let BM bother me so much. But after yesterday I can't help it. Here's my vent about the idiocy that is BM.
Friday, Daycare (I'm going to call her Ruth) pulled me aside and said that SS4 was told by SD6 that she wants to "make out with Boy and get naked with him in my bed". (Boy is an 8 year old who used to go to Ruth's but no longer there, only occassionally). Earlier this summer, Ruth also caught SD6 directing the other children at her house to show each other their private parts (there is a 2 and 4 year old girl, my baby, and SS4 there).
The many lies of SS4. What did you do when kids were going through that phase?
Step-parenting aside, I like to call on many of you for general parenting advice. How do you deal with young kids who lie all the time?
I guess it's time for me to step back and disengage with all things BM related.
When I first met FDH, he was fighting for custody of SS4 (who was then 1.5). He fought BM first for full custody then it changed to joint, but our state does not favor joint custody. They never went to court but FDH was compiling information against BM to try to win this battle...and he didn't have enough at that time so he was granted with "extended visitation" of SS and BM got primary custody. Of course they don't care that FDH was also parenting BM's daughter, SD6, half the time.
Is a 5th grader responsible enough to watch a 1st grader?
SD6 has now been going to BM's friend's house after school rather than daycare. We thought the mom was there....but apparently it's just the 5th grade girl and SD6. I realize that it probably depends on the 5th grader (as some are more mature and knowledgeable than others).
The most innaffectionate 4 year old boy I've ever met....
and it's my stepson. Isn't that sad? Is this worrisome? SS used to be affectionate, maybe not always with me as I was "new", but definitely with FDH. He was a daddy's boy 100%. FDH is a very very affectionate person and constantly hugs me and the skids and wants to snuggle and hold hands. They'd snuggle on the couch, SS would want to be held or hold his hand all the time. Over the past year or two, he's not affectionate at all. Is this just a phase?