Okay, it wasn't really a throw-down.... But I DID finally stand up to her, IN PERSON, for the first time.

Friday evening, FDH received a text from BM saying that she will be keeping SD6 from now on. HOLY CRAP! Where did this come from all of a sudden? He called her to discuss this as we knew it had to be stemming from an "issue" because it was only two weeks ago that she flipped out that we're trying to push SD6 out of our lives or something (when I asked her if she'd like to keep SD6 for her first week of school rather than being watched all week by me because FDH was working).

So, it turns out BM WAS indeed pissed off about something, and pointing her finger at me. She claimed that I "abandoned" SD6 the week before and that if she were my own child I never would have done that. WHAT?

Here's what happened. SD6 is in the care of a 10 year old after school. BM informed us that she could drive her to our house. Well, this particular Wednesday (two weeks ago), I get a text at 4pm from "Sara" -- the mom of the 10 year old -- asking me to text her when I'm on my way and she'll send the girls down to wait for me to pick up SD6. #1 annoyance...BM just assumed we'd pick her up that day without confirming with us at all. So of course I can't just leave her.

So at 5:15 I pick up Baby and SS4 at daycare. Then I text Sara telling her that I'm on my way, I'll be there in a minute. No response. I get to the bus stop. No one there. I wait. And wait. I text Sara again, "I'm here, waiting." Nothing. If you TELL someone to text you that they are coming, you should probably keep an eye on your phone, right? So me and SS4 and Baby are just waiting in the car on the side of the street. I think to go inside the apt and ring the buzzer, but realize that I have no idea what these people's last names are, to find their apt # to ring the bell!! So I wait. At 5:40 I text BM and say "I've been waiting for SD6 for 20 minutes, and Sara isn't responding. I'm supposed to be meeting someone at my house at 5:45, so I need to leave soon." No response. At 5:45 I'm still waiting. NO RESPONSE! This is about the time that Baby starts to wail. He is not a fan of just sitting in the car without it moving. So...I wait a few more minutes, it's about 5:50, and I leave. I call FDH while he's at work to tell him what happened. I texted BM and Sara again saying I had to leave, that BM will have to pick her up (BM lives across the parking lot in a different apartment building....or so I thought).

10 minutes after I get home -- at 6pm, I get a text from BM: "You should have called me, did SD come down? Do you have her?" I explained again, no I had to leave. So BM ended up picking up SD6, the Sara lady texted me and said "Oh I was at work and didn't see your texts....here's my daughter's (the 10yo) number." BM drops off SD6 and tells me that she's going to have to figure something else out obviously because this just isn't really working...I said yes, that would help! Nothing seemed wrong except we were all just a little flustered about it.

Fast forward to this past Friday and BM saying that I abandoned her child. (AH HEM, you want to talk to ME about abandoning your kid? Who the hell takes care of your child more than you do? And who doesn't confirm with people that they are going to have to pick up your kid???) So of course that pissed me off. FDH defended me and told her that I would NEVER abandon a kid and leave her somewhere unattended -- that I left because she was with someone and those people didn't respond!

She wouldn't listen to him and kept saying that I would never do that to my OWN kid. THIS HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH SD6 BEING MY KID OR NOT!! Although in reality, it DOES, but only because if she were MY kid,I would have known all the frickin details myself and not had to rely on BM to tell FDH and FDH to tell me!!!! BM was crying on the phone saying that she just feels like no one seems loves SD6 the way they used to, everything htis past month has been negative about SD6 (true -- read last blog), and how FDH isn't around that much anymore becuase his work schedule got messed up this month, so she'd just rather keep SD6. Okay...so she's actually putting her KID FIRST? Holy camole.

But of course, the whole thing still bothered me. Did she REALLY think of it that way...that I'd just ABANDON SD6 on a street corner or something? After all I've done for this kid???? I'm the one who goes out to buy SD6 new shoes in the middle of the work day last fall because BM refused to bring some to her at school when she needed them even though BM's work and home is not far from school...I'm the one who signed SD6 up for gymnastics because BM refused to do it....I'm the one who does SD's homework/projects with her or sends things she needs to school with her, because BM "forgets".

It ate away at me alllll weekend. Finally yesterday I told FDH that I need to talk to BM about this directly. I didn't wanna do it over the phone because it'd be way easier for BM to just throw me off or hang up or get pissed or not listen, also I wanted FDH to be there to hear it in case it got ugly. I went with him to pick up the skids to start our week-on with them, and BM of course was surprised to see me (I have never set foot in her apartment). She was playing all nice talking to my baby and stuff, and finally I said "We need to clear things up." She went into the kitchen and FDH kept the kids occupied (was chasing them around with a nerf gun -- I had to tell him the conversation later because he didn't even hear it, so I'm glad that the kids obviously didn't either).

I explained to her that it really bothers me that she would think that of me. And that I would NEVER do that if she wasn't WITH someone. I explained to her the details of what happened and she said, "Well I didn't know all of those details and that Sara texted you to let her know" and I told her that then she should have ASKED me what happened that very night when I saw her, not just let it fester for 2 weeks and then attack me for something that she doesn't even know the whole story! She said that she wasn't "attacking me"...(yes she was)...and then asked me some more questions about it to clarify things. Then I told her how I found out the NEXT day that I was even waiting at the WRONG APARTMENT! Yes....BM told me (or, FDH rather) to go to the bus stop. I found out the day after that, that the apartment SD6 is at is actually 4 buildings DOWN the road!! So even if SD6 had been waiting for me that day, I wouldn't have seen her. BM was surprised by that....I told her that all of the details were clearly not given and I DID MY JOB and what I was supposed to do. I was the one that was there! I texted, I waited for a half hour basically, and there were other people involved not doing THEIR jobs to communicate and send SD out.

BM also said, "Well you should have called me instead of texting me." I said, "In hindsight, yes I should have, and I'm sorry that I didn't. But I was flustered and that's also my other issue -- I never know how or when or if I am supposed to communicate directly with you! You got mad at me for emailing you two weeks ago. I didn't know if I was "supposed" to call FDH and have HIM call you, I had no idea if you were out somewhere since you obviously weren't available to pick SD up that night and left it to us...I had no idea what you "wanted" me to do in that situation, because it seems I never do anything the way YOU want me to do it."

BM was kind of quiet for a second and she said, "Well I'm just not comfortable with all of this yet." *roll my eyes* I said, "FDH and I get married this Saturday. We are all adults here, and we're all raising these kids, and we all need to be able to communicate better and talk to each other. If you have a problem with me, I WANT you to be able to talk to me directly about it -- especially because I'm sure most of it is just not knowing the details, just like this situation." I told her the more we practice at communicating, the easier it will get.

Oh yeah...and she gave me HALF OF A SORRY -- She said, "I'm sor --- this whole thing just kind of blew up." HAHA! She couldn't even spit out the whole word and quickly changed her line of speech so she wouldn't have to admit any fault.

She said, "I was just worried that what if htis happens again, and what if they send SD down without someone being with her and you're not there???" I told her, "That's something YOU need to clarify with them to NEVER EVER do! What if I got in an accident or something on the way home from work?" She nodded with big eyes. (ARggg be a parent!)

She DID say "Thank you for coming here and talking to me about this. I feel a lot better." Atleast I got a THANK YOU out of it.

Then when we were leaving, FDH asked BM, "So are we taking SD6 this week or not?" and BM said it's up to us!!! ARGG! So of course we couldn't say No, right in front of SD and make it look like we didn't WANT her. SD started putting her shoes on so BM happily said, "Oh I guess she's going with you!" Mind you, BM was very clearly getting ready to go out, so it was pretty obvious she had plans. She didn't hug either kid when they left or even say goodbye or I love you.

All in all, I'm SOOO SOOO Glad that I took this thing on in person with her. It went WAY better than I expected (although I had NO idea what to expect as this was my first time ever ever talking to her about a serious "issue"). I hope she realizes now that I am someone who would rather talk to her about things that beat around the bush and let her and FDH text-fight all day long about something without people knowing or even asking the details. She seemed to be open to talking to me and I hope this helps open the door of communication a LITTLE bit more.

ON the PLUS SIDE!!! WE GET MARRIED ON SATURDAY!!! I can't frickin wait!