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SteelRose's Blog

underlying unseen disabilities that cause us to reject our skid subconsciously?

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It dawned on me last evening while DH and SS16 were in the kitchen making supper, I had just got home from working all day, they were chattering in the kitchen, that I have never once had a full conversation with ss16. Never once in 4.5 years have I heard directed at me more then about 3 consecutive words other then grunts.

why do I keep making "stabbing" remarks?

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I am up with DH, the boys are all getting up for school, I have a headache b/c I think I am finally coming down with the cold/flu that everyone else has had for the past week or so. I say I feel flushed and might have a temp. Then ss16 gets out of bed but bs15 is in the shower so DH tells ss16 to go use our bathroom. I am still sitting here not saying a word but DH looks at me and says what now you're mad b/c he has to pee?

my old town

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On a lighter note for a change (for me). Bs15 came home from school yesterday and he was all smiles and went online and was chatting and laughing and having a good time. He used to be like this, back in our BD (before divorce) days. So for me it was good to hear his happiness. So I asked him what's up and he told me he's liking being back in our old school district and getting back with his old elementary school friends. It's such a relief for me b/c when we moved back into "my old town" I thought it would be hard for us but it's proving to be good after all.

Can I go on strike?

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As you have read, we have had ss16 for 4.5 yrs now full time. There are days when I feel so DONE. Well today was one of them. I get tired of being the sole bread winner in this household. Today I told DH that if he cannot help me with bringing in more money then he can send ss16 back to BM b/c I have provided more for this kid then his own bio mom for the past years and I am resentful and sick of it. I have been tired, not physically but mentally. I HATE that I am always the one walking out the door to go to work.

Extremely tired today

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I was sick with a terrible PMS day yesterday and so I took today off work to recover and rest. I was really sick Sad Anyways, but we had to go in and deal with some stupid medical issues with the state and finally realized we are only covered til end of next month b/c the affordable care act is going into affect and we'll have to apply for that next month. This is all very stressful for DH with the tail end of cancer, scans, getting port out etc.

Now ss19 is being evicted from his apartment...

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...and who does he coming crying to? You got it, daddy. And me of course, now expecting me to be all nice after the way he's been treating me? He has some Kahoonies. My Dh came home today telling me all this and that he had already told ss that he's burned his bridges with me, then ss cried about how it's all the divorce's fault and how he hasn't had a home or family in 6 years and how steelrose always says no to anything to do with dh's family but lets my kids live here, and on and on and on.

Ungrateful brat ss19

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I got a hold of DH's phone yesterday. I never look at his phone unless I am feeling something. So I read from ss19 a couple texts that DH only responded with "you are being a brat and I am not responding", which is making me happy but I am still upset about his texts. Basically in a nut shell he blames me and my kids for everything that's going wrong for him, ie, he is homeless again and living in his vehicle which his mom gave him.

This is becoming a Sunday (my one and only day off) irratation.

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Dh's car broke down about 3 weeks ago. He's been driving ss16 to church now for over a year and now with car broken my car has to be used in some fashion. Last week I was going to pick up my daughter (in same direction as the church) and suddenly I was hauling ss16 to church, shopping and picking up my daughter and "make it take an hour so you can just pick up ss on your way back past the church; oh and ss16's gf20 wants to hitch a ride as well".

Wow, is all I can say at this point

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So our kids started back to school here yesterday. Dh drove ss16 to his old school and then worked all day and then came home with ss just before I had to leave to go to work for the evening. I drove bs15 to his bus stop down the road yesterday but he walked up from the bus stop and came in and had brownies I had made and was already home an hour before dh and ss got home. So I came home later (I work for 3 hours from 4-7pm daily to help a client eat supper and got to bed) at 7 and made dinner and we all went to bed. Bs15 was in bed by 8:30!

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