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For the record

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Submitted by Red-headed_Stepmom on Fri, 08/13/2010 - 11:53am

1) I have never raised my voice to BM until the incident described in my earlier blog. I have never touched her except when she has asked me to rub her back because it was sore.

2) I have left all decisions about parenting up to BM and BF. I have never told BM what to do regarding the boys.

3) The boys being in school impacts my life significantly.

August from H*#$!!!!!

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Submitted by Red-headed_Stepmom on Fri, 08/13/2010 - 10:22am

Earlier in the day on Monday, BF and I had a yelling match after some texts that he received from BM ... I'll go over that in another post sometime. But basically, I had a breakdown, stood in the middle of the family room just primal screaming for several minutes, and when BF wouldn't give me the space that I asked for I told him to get out of my house. We've worked through this ... I think ... but I am on very thin ice right now.

Lead up to the August from H*#$!!!!!

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Submitted by Red-headed_Stepmom on Fri, 08/13/2010 - 10:20am

Going back a couple weeks, just to get some of this documented on here in case any future discussions come up where people want to know what's going on. I started an electronic journal just as this was starting ... but got lost on it because of my reactions when I sink into a depression.

This is going to be a long post.

Feel free to leave comments if you want to. If there's something that I specifically want feedback on, I will ask for it. For now, the purpose is getting it out and on the record as I mentioned above.

Wednesday, July 28th

Here's the thing ...

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Submitted by Red-headed_Stepmom on Mon, 07/12/2010 - 8:03pm

I love my BF and I love my SS's.

Maybe I shouldn't be a step-mom because I care too much. And I feel like I'm being ripped apart constantly by BM's jealousy and insisting that she has all maternal rights and that her parents are more important to the boys than I am.

How much heart-break?

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Submitted by Red-headed_Stepmom on Fri, 07/02/2010 - 5:54am

I feel like I can't take any more heart break. Haven't been on for awhile because things have been going well and I've been busy working a contract position - that ended June 30th. And suddenly it seems like the bottom fell out. And I'm not sure how much more of these feelings I can handle.

Feelings

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Submitted by Red-headed_Stepmom on Sun, 04/18/2010 - 6:19am

I don't know how to handle this, how to handle these feelings.

The hurt isn't like a sharp pain, it's like a low-grade hurt that you can almost ignore, until you realize how long it's been there and how it eats away at you. And if I'm good, I can take a step back and see how it has gnawed it's way into that layer of depression that's been there forever and spread through it, insidiously sneaking it's way in until the hurt is as pervasive as the depression that is always just below the surface ... and I wonder if there is any way to rebuild around any of it.

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