A little frustrated yesterday and this morning. And realize I just need to get it out so I can let go of it.

Yesterday, my one day off before we have the boys for the weekend, after a week of 12 hour work days (that start again on Monday) and BF gets a call the night before asking if he can start census training a couple weeks early (YAY! YES!) so, that means I'll have the day to myself instead of time with him... and then BM calls and SS6 got sick at after care, threw up 2 or 3 times, and won't be going to school on Friday ... and she can't miss work on Friday. At first BF forgot that I had the day off and was thinking about not going to the census training ... uh, NO! Then I pointed out that I would be home, BUT BM would have to bring SS7 down to us instead of us picking him up like she usually insists when we watch him when he's sick.

When he talked to her she was actually okay with this. And she thanked me profusely when she dropped him off yesterday. Still it made me sad that I didn't get time for me.

(I was going to start talking about how SS6 is doing here ... but realized that I need this blog to be about me today. So I'm being selfish in words, I deserve that.)

So, the other part of Thursday night that upset me was that while I was struggling with finishing up my taxes (yes, I'm a procrastinator!) BF was on the phone with BM talking through how they are going to handle taxes this year AND then filing her extension for her! It irritates the p*&! out of me how cow-towed he sounds when he's talking to her on the phone and like he's asking her a big favor to let him claim one of the boys for last year (there isn't a final divorce decree yet ... still working on that) when we have them 50/50 and yes, she paid for all of their day-care for the first 1/2 of the year (while BF was her door-mat and took out her trash, ran errands, etc.), but daycare expenses for the youngest will put her over the threshold for what she can claim and she's still BI*(&!&^ about him wanting to take advantage of her. And he didn't get why I got into a bad mood. UGH! MEN!

So, yesterday after he got off of his one day of training, he said, "I'll get up with the boys in the morning and you can sleep in." I said, "That's nice, but I don't think you'll remember it in the morning." (I wake up MUCH easier than he does, even if I haven't slept well.) So this morning when SS7 climbs into bed at 5:15AM, I think about that ... and at about 6:30 when he got restless, I took him downstairs and put in a video for him ... when I came back upstairs BF said thank you. I knew I wasn't going back to sleep, but I just wanted time to be ... and it gave me some time to have the cat curl up with me (she's afraid of the boys) and just veg ... until SS6 woke up his brother! So, BF did get up and go downstairs with them. That was nice ... until the show they were watching was over and both boys came up and crawled into bed with me while I was trying to surf the web ... never heard anything from BF ... so about 10 minutes later I call down to him, "BF, what are you doing?", response, "Nothing, why?" ... me, "Um, well, could you maybe have the boys come down there?", him, "Oh, are they up there?"

AAAARRRRGGG!!! Men are so clueless sometimes! I'm sure, in his head, well, he was up ... he didn't have to worry about it anymore. (And I'm sure he was on his computer geeking away!)

Ten minutes later, I start coughing, him, "Are you okay, can I get you anything?", me, "No, I'm fine. I'll be down in a few." him, "You don't have to get up, I can bring you anything you need." ... "No, I'm fine." Him, "Are you upset?" UGH!!!!

So, I'm just a little frustrated. I know part of it is that I'm not direct enough, and that I am co-dependent and want to take care of others, and that I don't, easily, let others take care of me. But, really! GGGGRRRRR!

Okay, I just needed to get that out. Now I feel better and will be able to face the day with less chance of taking my frustration out on anyone.