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Update on DH

MorningMia's picture

Submitted by MorningMia on Wed, 03/19/2025 - 6:23am

I posted a little while back about DH, concerns about possible early signs of dementia or ADD, etc. He saw a doctor and was quickly diagnosed with ADD and OCD (the OCD dx surprised me). It was easier for DH to mention ADD to the dr rather than express concerns about dementia, so I don't think that ever came up. It's still a concern. At least he's open to looking at what's going on and doing something about it.  

He's on a new medication which has made him clearer, if that makes sense. Still, I finally gave up and began working on the basement myself. He literally has spent two years "working on organizing the basement," not wanting my involvement, and it is a HUGE clusterF that I can't stand anymore. He has spent all this time MOVING THINGS AROUND. It looks like a man cave created by someone on hallucinogens. lol. 

He is also grappling with some lingering or reoccurring health issues related to his earlier more severe health problems. These are concerning because we thought everything had been taken care of. He's in the testing phase right now. This compelled him to plan another trip to see the grands (I had mentioned that earlier and the fear of measles since stupid SD is anti-vax). I get his desire to see the grands, of course, but that trip has sort of thrown a wrench into our plans to go away for a week in late spring (I should have booked earlier), as DH said the cost of both trips will be too much money going out at the same time. I was planning on contributing to our trip, of course, but I'll be damned if I'm footing most of the bill because, again--like in the old days--he feels compelled to spend his money "there" while I take up the slack. Nope.

I'm suggesting another place to vacation mid-summer. It'll work out. Could be worse things to deal with. Sigh.  

 

Comments

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Wed, 03/19/2025 - 8:50am

I hear everything you're saying and have been following your journey.  My DH87 is also, imo, coming down with dementia.  Aside from memory lapses, one big thing is the disorganization.  My DH was the opposite in his younger days.  We have an extra bedroom that we've called his "sports room", his clothes and personal stuff are in there.  Lately, it's been piling up, junk everywhere.  I finally started straightening it up and slowly getting rid of trash.  To my surprise, he hasnt blown up about moving his treasures.  I think it's all beyond him now.

 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 03/19/2025 - 10:02pm

Nea

Rather than you and DH and your joint adventures being the afterthought.

He can go some other time to visit the noxious spawn and the GSKids.

"No.  We will be doing our trip and you will pay your share." is entirely in order IMHO.

The never ending coddling and following the scent marks of the noxious failed family spawn is not something any equity life partner to a prior failed family breeder who cannot keep their baggage in its place and under control should tolerate. Not even once. Ever. Period. Dot.

Enjoy your vacation and Daddy can go visit ... them.... any time that you stipulate or approve.  No. means no.

Pardon

MorningMia's picture

Submitted by MorningMia on Fri, 03/21/2025 - 7:40am

I get where you are coming from but at this point in time this isn't a hill for me to die on. It's a bit complex because of health issues. Combine the health issues with SD holding her kids out as carrots to DH, as I predicted would happen long before she began breeding. The psychology here is bizarre. Right out of her mothers playbook. 99% of the time, SD only contacts DH (FaceTime with the littles) when I'm at work. While that's all good because I don't want to be involved, it's also out of her mothers old playbook--manipulation is easier without an "outsider" nearby. Apparently, the 5-ish year old has been begging his grandpa to come see his cute little unvaxxed self play some team sport. I'm sure I don't know the half of it. We could still do our initially planned vacation, but I'm unwilling to help fund the guilt trips by contributing more than my fair share. Those days ended a long long time ago. 
I'm arranging Mia Fun Time for myself and we'll vacation in the summer. 

PS DH recently bought me a much needed new dresser being delivered today. I thought it was odd that he did that. I'm grateful for it but I now see it was a guilt purchase. I understand his desire to "please everyone" and his difficulty with that but he has also been trying to please people who behave badly. More on that later.

Trudie's picture

Submitted by Trudie on Fri, 03/21/2025 - 8:37am

...people who behave badly. I definitely want to hear more on this! I still occasionally see this with my DH. It is a concept I struggle to understand....

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Thu, 03/20/2025 - 8:39am

By yourself.  Your DH is playing games.  His wife comes before the GK.  Let the GK clean and cook for him. 

MorningMia's picture

Submitted by MorningMia on Fri, 03/21/2025 - 7:48am

I'm getting a 1.5 hour massage next month, spending an upcoming weekend with a friend in DC, spending another weekend in April with a niece and her family, and having a get together here with former colleagues the weekend DH visits the kids. Maybe we are a weird couple, but I figured out a long time ago that if I don't have my own fun, I'd be resentful. I have also in the past vacationed internationally without DH. When I returned home, he had a bathroom totally redone. So, yea, he has great qualities, too, bless his heart. lol. (He has also vacationed internationally only with SS.) 

Steplife is . . . certainly different. 

Trudie's picture

Submitted by Trudie on Fri, 03/21/2025 - 8:39am

You have figured out what works for you...kudos!