lost hope's Blog
Wondering what is next
Ex-fdh and I have been talking, without any success. We did meet the Friday before Memorial Day and he gave me some of the money he owed me. Then he said that this wasn't what he wanted, he didn't want it to end. We talked for a bit and I told him I wanted to be happy and I wanted the support from him if we were to even consider trying to work things out. It was like talking in circles though because he would say he agrees and then he would contradict himself and start getting all defensive over his kids (son - 18 & daughter 16).
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Love was not enough to keep us together
I tried and really did want it to work, but we both had to really want it. We had one counseling appointment together 2 1/2 weeks ago and ex-FDH refused to go back for the next one, instead he decided that going out on the boat and drinking with his buddy was more important than working on us and said he'd call me when they got back in that night.
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Counseling with FDH
We had our first appointment yesterday. FDH was not thrilled about going and it showed. The counselor even commented about his body language.
She talked with us about multiple things and although it went okay. I know I got extremely frustrated because he was saying things differently then what he said before. I did call him out on a few things and said that is opposite of what you said previously. FDH got a little upset when I called him out about the differences.
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First Counseling Session Today
Today was the first appointment. I went by myself since I needed to fill all of the paperwork, etc. and I wanted to be able to talk to the counselor at least one time by myself. It went really well, I felt very comfortable with her and I let it all out about everything that has happened and is currently happening. The hour flew by!! 
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Told FDH it's counseling or it's over
I can't continue to live like this. First let me say that I do not live with him. I refused to move in because of everything that has been going on. I've tried to make things better and have tried to compromise, but it's difficult when you are the only one doing that.
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Pro and Con List about your SO/DH
Over the weekend, I did alot of thinking on whether or not I am going to stay in this relationship with my FDH or end it now due to his inability to parent and allowing his son to be so disrespectful.
Anyway, I did a Pro (reasons to stay with him) & Con (reasons to leave him) list....... I've been with him for a little over 5 years, engaged for 1 year, 4 months. We have been having problems with his son for 2 years, but it has finally escalated to the point of me putting my foot down and saying no more.
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Not sure where we are headed
FDH & I have barely talked over the last week and have not seen each other. The first real conversation we had was today and it didn't go well. He said that he understood why I am completely disengaged from his son, but he doesn't agree with it. Background is his son is very disrespectful and I don't think the kid cares about anyone or anything except himself. He has never been punished or had any type of consequence from either FDH OR his BM. Instead if he acts up BM usually runs out and buys him something.
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Why is it always our fault?
FDH & I have only spoken once since we had a huge argument last Saturday about his son. And when we did talk, he again refused to put the blame on anyone but me. He asked if this is how it's going to be, me not calling him or trying to 'fix' the situation and I told him yes, until HE learned to be a parent and stand up to his son and start backing me. I went on to say that him and his son were more of a couple than him & I were and that at this point, I didn't know what WE were.
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No win situation
I've been reading here for a long time now, but very rarely post and must say I have learned alot. Thank you for that! Currently, me and FDH are not living together, mainly because of his kids and partly because I haven't sold or rented out my house. The problem we have the most is his son(18 this month). FSS has a very high opinion of himself and thinks that everyone should always tell him how wonderful he is and that everyone's world should revolve around him. It doesn't help that FDH and the BM allow all this.
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FMIL called me tonight
First the reason behind the call..and sorry for this being so long.. The past week things have been not so good with me and FDH. We had a horrible fight on Saturday and on Sunday, we talked, didn't really get everything worked out, but it was a start. Talked a little more on Monday and then Tuesday it all hit the fan. He asked me to come over and I told him that if there was going to be yelling and screaming (between him and his kids) that I had just gotten rid of a migraine and really didn't want to be around that. He got all upset and hung up the phone on me.
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