Today was the first appointment. I went by myself since I needed to fill all of the paperwork, etc. and I wanted to be able to talk to the counselor at least one time by myself. It went really well, I felt very comfortable with her and I let it all out about everything that has happened and is currently happening. The hour flew by!!

I reminded FDH that I was going tonight after work and that the next appointment he would be attending. He's not too happy about it and doesn't want to go, but I told him it's counseling or we are over - there will be no more sweeping all of the crap under the rug. He is still going back and forth on whether he will go, but I think he knows I mean it this time. I haven't seen him for about 1 1/2 weeks and I've already told him that I wouldn't see him this weekend or coming week because he has his kids and I will not put myself in the position of walking on eggshells all of the time and having to watch what I say or do or the facial expressions I make because it might make his 18 year old son or soon to be 16 year old girl start complaining to him about me over nothing! If he wants to see me, he can come over to my house when they leave to go to a friends or whatever.

We'll see how it goes, but I do have to say I don't feel like I am a horrible person or that I am expecting too much from the situation anymore. The one thing the counselor said to me that really made me know I'm doing the right thing was "I am so glad that you have found your voice and are finally standing up for you". She also asked me if I was there because I wanted this to work out between us or if it was to get validation to leave. I had to laugh when she asked because 3 weeks ago I would've said 100% to work things out, but now...... it's probably 10-20% to work things out, and 80-90% to get the courage to say goodbye. Either way, it felt good to know I'm not the crazy one!