Told FDH it's counseling or it's over
I can't continue to live like this. First let me say that I do not live with him. I refused to move in because of everything that has been going on. I've tried to make things better and have tried to compromise, but it's difficult when you are the only one doing that.
We have barely seen each other and have talked multiple times about all of the things that have brought us to this point. I called my insurance yesterday and confirmed that even though we are not married, that he could attend counseling with me. I would basically be the patient and it would be considered a family session. I told him that I really though we needed to have an objective opinion, someone that didn't know either one of us. So I asked if he would be willing to go with me...... his response, he wasn't sure, he said that why would he go to a counselor and get told how horrible he was and what a crappy parent he was... in my mind I'm thinking WOW if you already know a counselor would tell you this, then why don't you fix it. I told him that I wasn't asking for much, but that if he wouldn't go to counseling then I didn't see a solution to this and that we may as well just end it now before I ended up hating him. I went on to tell him that I already resented him and his son and that I had turned into someone I didn't like very much, I had lost me. He said he knew I didn't like being this person and that it really bothered him that I resented them. I told him that I had been asking him to fix this and stop sweeping it under the rug for the past 2 years and that he had done nothing but continue to be a team with his son (who btw is 18).
He said that he would think about the counseling but that he had went that route before with his ex and it didn't help.... well geez, both people have to be willing and wanting to fix it, she was already in a different relationship with his sisters live in boyfriend and they were already planning to buy ahouse togther (yes.... it was a messed up situation). I told him that I had to start watching out for me and my dd and that this situation was affecting my health. That I had begun to have such extreme anxiety attacks that I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the doctor and found out it was just anxiety.
I've been crying all day on and off and just want to be alone, with no-one around criticizing me or him. My dd is at her dads until tomorrow. Tomorrow will be the first holiday that him and I have not been together for in 5 years. It hurts and I need to put on a smile and pretend everything is great because my mom is still struggling with my dad's death last year. Sometimes I just get so tired of having to fix everything and make sure everyone else is okay. What about me? Don't I deserve some happiness to and don't I deserve to just cry if I need to, instead I'm always required to be the strong one, the one that can handle anything.
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Comments
You are so right! I read that
You are so right! I read that you are very smart and intuative. You can see the issues and you have butt up against them enought times without chnage that you realize the only thing to do now is to go to counseling. I so wish I had done the same. If you bf refuses, be on your way. I have spent 22 years dealing with the most crazy and bizarre things, things that would make you shake your head twice.....all because the bio parents allowed these things to happen and now step kids are adults- rude, ungrateful, hate-filled emotional terrorists. For 22 years I been saying that WE HAD TO GET ON THE SAME PAGE but husband and his ex wanted to let everything slide. All they have to do is look at their own actions to understand what went wrong but it is much easier to see me to blame. It's one road you do not want to continue on if your bf refuses help.
Thank you. I know that I
Thank you. I know that I have to stand firm on this. It's been going on for 2 years now and he has kept doing nothing even though I have asked him to. It didn't become an issue until I finally said enough. I was done with even trying anymore with his son because it was a no win situation. It didn't matter if I was nice or if I ignored him, he always found a reason to complain. His family has even told him to get ahold of his kids, they've pointed out how rude and disrespectful they are to them, to me and even to him. But, he still ignores it, in his eyes his kids are perfect.
StepAside, you said something that he said yesterday when we talked
he just never imagined that would happen.
He made that comment yesterday that he never imagined it was this bad and that it would come to this. I couldn't believe that he said that, I told him that I had been asking him to get control of the situation for 2 years before the ant hill became a mountain. He had let it go for so long that now it's ready to explode, but yet he still wants to put the blame on me, that I need to try harder and I need to do this and that. I've told him that I have done all that, but if only one person is trying it won't work. So we'll see if he decides to do the counseling or not. If not, I know I have to stand firm on this. I don't want to be miserable.