We finally got what we wanted (kinda)
So, DH just went to a meeting this afternoon with his ex girlfriend and the lawyers to finally figure out the new visitation agreement.
Before the meeting we had SD every Tuesday @ 3:30pm - Wednesday @ 7pm and every other weekend, each holiday was split up (always in BM's favour) and DH and BM both got 2 weeks of summer vacation (BM would split up her weeks in order to take SD away from us for twice the amount of time).
At the last meeting they had DH was requesting that he have SD 5 days in a row every other week to minimize SD being bounced back and forth all the time. He also said that BM could have SD for 2 days at Christmas, Easter, and Thanksgiving. We would get no additional time for the holidays we would only have our regular 5 days everyother week. He also requested that we get to extend our vistation with SD to 7 days twice during summer vacation to allow us to go on a week long camping trip. BM of course shot this down unless DH agreed to pay 200 a month for daycare on top of the child support he pays. There is no way we could afford that so nothing was resolved.
By the time he got to this meeting DH was really fed up with BM always saying no everything he requested. He talked to me before the meeting and said that if she still argued with his requests that he was just going to go with every other weekend so that we could be done with all of this crap. DH came home from the meeting in a better mood than he had been in in a long time. I asked him what happened and he told me our new visitation agreement.
We now have SD only every other weekend. No one gets any additional time for the holidays, whoever is scheduled to have her gets her. Christmas is the exception, no matter what BM gets her for 2 days. BM has to pay for 100% of sports and lessons SD might take. BM no longer gets any summer vacation, DH gets 1 week of summer vacation. DH doesn't have to pay for any medical expenses for SD. BM has to front the bill and DH will put it through his benefits and give BM the cheque when it comes in. Best of all, we no longer have to buy anything for SD except her food. Her mom is now required to send her to us with a bag of clothes for the weekend and must include all outdoor winterwear and summerwear. I never again have to do SD's laundry 
I am so happy that this is all over with and DH and I can focus on our family for a change. Something has finally worked out for me
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You got it right Tough! BM
You got it right Tough! BM gets legal aid, DH doesn't. In the last 3 months she has cost us over $15,000 in lawyer fees because she has argued with everything DH requested and dragged lawyer meetings out for hours. She also kept SD from us and dragged us to court trying to have our visitation with SD taken away completely. She had a bunch of false accusations against me and when we proved each of those claims untrue the judge was not happy with her and our visitation was restored.
My dad loaned DH the money for the lawyer fees and as it stands right now we will be paying him back for at least 5 years. My dad didn't have anymore money to loan us so DH had to just settle for the everyother weekend.
Our BM has shown us time and time again that she doesn't care about what is best for SD, she cares about getting back at DH.
SD told DH over and over that
SD told DH over and over that she didn't want to keep going back and forth, that is why he tried to get her for 5 days in a row everyother week. Her mom faught that and we had no money left to keep fighting for more time.
She always cries all the time when she is here because "mommy is sad when I am not at home". It would have been harder on her mentally and emotionally if we had kept bouncing her back and forth with the old schedule.
As for clothes going back and forth, I don't know why that is even an issue. When my parents split up I always brought a backpack with me from house to house, it was no big deal. Besides, what is wrong with a child carrying a backpack for a few minutes 2 times every other weekend. I wonder how sorry you are going to feel for her when she starts school and has to carry a backpack full of heavy books... everyday.