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SD is gone, I wonder if she will come back?

krazykate12's picture

Submitted by krazykate12 on Sat, 09/08/2012 - 4:47pm

I feel guilty but I have been so happy these last two months. SD4 has not been coming for her visits anymore.
When she used to come to our house she would spend most of the time crying and saying that she wanted to go home because her mommy was sad and she missed her. Something as simple as asking her to chew with her mouth closed would set her off and no matter what fun stuff we planned she was always upset. She finally told DH that she didn't want to come to our house anymore, so he talked to BM and it was decided that she would call when SD wanted to see or speak to DH... sure enough we have heard nothing.
DH had already been torn for a while about whether it was better to force SD to come to our house and have her crying the whole time or whether he should back off and let her be happy with her mother. He has decided that he is backing off and will welcome her with open arms whenever she decides that she wants to be a part of our family again. I think it is sad that it has come to this but I am so happy that I don't have to spend every other weekend listening to constant crying.
I hope that SD is finally happy and that one day she will want to come and see us again, but until that day comes I am going to enjoy the lack of whining and crying in my house every other weekend.

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krazykate12's picture

Submitted by krazykate12 on Sat, 09/08/2012 - 5:12pm

I know right??? It bugs me like crazy that she has been given so much power, but she takes after her mom and is already unbelievably manipulative for such a young age.

I have asked him if he plans to call her and he goes back and forth on whether he should or not. Personally I think he is just tired of the constant fighting for the last 4 years and simply has no fight left in him.

We talked to our pastor (who went through almost the exact same thing with his kids and ex) and he ended up having to step away completely and let the kids come to him when they were older. He now has a great relationship with his daugther and she no longer talks to her mother.

I will support whatever decision DH makes, but as of right now I don't think he is planning on calling for a while...

sonja's picture

Submitted by sonja on Sat, 09/08/2012 - 5:44pm

Wow we go through this too. She will throw a HUGE fit when she is supposed to go with DH on Friday, and cry for BM both nights when its time for bed or if she gets in trouble. As much as Id love for her not to come over here, giving her that kind of control would probably backfire in the end..?
This weekend, FDH and SD when to see FFIL and she cried to stay with him.. wth?

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Sat, 09/08/2012 - 9:15pm

And when this girl is 12 she will talk dirt about her father who abandoned her.

He needs to reclaim his Man Card and insist on visitation. He needs to ignore the tears and run her ragged when she is there. Take her for walks, swimming, bike riding. Physical activity that wears her out. She has almost forgotten about him and her mother won. TIme for DH to pull his parenting time out of his arse and be a father to his daughter. If he has no influence on this girl she will replicate her mother.

newbiemommy's picture

Submitted by newbiemommy on Fri, 01/11/2013 - 9:33pm

I know there is a lot of controversy on this, but I think it is the right thing. My skids 5 and 3 don't want to come here anymore. And it has not been forced. And even though I love them and miss them I don't think they should HAVE to be here. I think it's time to give SD11 what she wants. I don't think you should feel guilty.

krazykate12's picture

Submitted by krazykate12 on Sat, 01/12/2013 - 4:28pm

Thank you for understanding Smile If she had just been saying that she didn't want to be here but was happy when she was with us, visits would have continued. Every time she was here it was non stop crying and saying that she didn't want to be here (and I am not exaggerating, she was either crying or trying not to cry 90% of her awake time with us). I don't care what anyone says, forceing visits when they are that upset (and it was like that for over 10 months straight) can't be good for them. I just wish her mom had told us that she moved and where she moved, that way we could at least still send cards.