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Kinda O/T (but not really) My naive little sister.

krazykate12's picture

Submitted by krazykate12 on Thu, 12/15/2011 - 12:42pm

My sister is 22 and has no children of her own. She just got out of a relationship and has decided that she wants to be with this new guy she just recently met. That's fine and dandy she is an adult she can do whatever she wants. Here's the thing... after seeing everything I have been through with SD she still wants to be with this guy, who happens to be 34 and has 3 children. Not only does he have 3 kids he has had a vasectomy and my sister has wanted children her whole life. She just told me today that she changed her mind and she doesn't want kids anymore, even though 1 month ago she and her fiancee were going to start trying as soon as they got married. I have advised her against jumping into this but told her that I will support whatever decision she makes because it is her life. I know that she doesn't really understand what she is getting herself into but I just wish she would listen to everything I have been through and find someone who has never been married and doesn't have children so she can have the life she has always said she wanted. I honestly do hope that everything works out for her and she ends up being blissfully happy, but I am going to have to bite my tounge and not say "I told you so" if she ever comes to me crying because of the stress of it all.

Comments

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Thu, 12/15/2011 - 12:50pm

Ah so she wants to play house with someone elses kids. In time she will find out that she is great as an extra pair of hands but has no autonomy at all ... unless she is allowed to choose the ice cream flavour.

I hope she sees the light sooner than later.

krazykate12's picture

Submitted by krazykate12 on Thu, 12/15/2011 - 1:37pm

She has already been telling me about how it is tough because she never gets time alone with him. The 3 girls live with him and they are only at their moms house when he is at work. I just can't understand why she is putting herself in this situation. I had been in love with DH since I was 17 and had only ever wanted to be with him, kid or no kid I wasn't going to pass up my chance to finally be with him.

Mom2TwinsnTeens's picture

Submitted by Mom2TwinsnTeens on Thu, 12/15/2011 - 1:17pm

I was with her up until you said vasectomy. I'm 24 and DH is 18 years my senior. I didn't want kids until I had to raise his, then we wanted our own that weren't screwed up. She seems immature, but the bright side is that at least he can't knock her up so she's stuck with him

krazykate12's picture

Submitted by krazykate12 on Thu, 12/15/2011 - 1:44pm

OH!!! I forgot to mention that she and her fiancee were living together and when they broke up she INSTANLY moved into this guys house. She tried to tell us that she was just his live in nanny but I didn't buy it because his kids are either in school or daycare, and because she kept saying "I am not thinking of being with him" but would then constantly defend their relationship when I would tell her not to get involved with him.

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

Submitted by not2sureimsanea... on Thu, 12/15/2011 - 3:19pm

I wanted to post on this one because of the age similarity.

SO is 12 years my senior--I'm 22 and he's 34, been together for a year and a half and not sure if I want to stay knowing what I know can happen.

Best thing to do? Show her this site. Have her read into what she's about to get herself into.

The good thing about this was after I did the extensive reading I went on a rampage with SO and showed this site to him as well and outlined what I will and will not accept from him (given that this is also new to him and we're in the very beginning phases of dealing with BM who, in her attempt to keep him, decided to get preggo, even though she was having this fling with him despite the fact she had a fiance, but that's another story altogether.) I gave him every article on step parenting under the sun as well as articles on PAS, hostile parenting, and what constitutes as guilty parenting which he actually dutifully read, although he may not understand it all...

He had nothing to say because I told it to him calm and logically that with "How would you feel if I...", laid out my terms which was simply that we talk and communicate about everything, and that there are to be no secrets, no guilty parenting, and no raising spoiled, rotten, kids and if I see that happening and he won't deal with it, I will and he will NOT LIKE it (which most likely means I will walk.)

I got lucky that I can't be pushed around (not many people are able to defend against him as he can be very stubborn and very good at out-talking.)

Let your sister know to never, EVER compromise on her dreams and what she wants to accomplish in life simply because she wants to do the best and give her all to any guy she wants to stay with. That selflessness will turn into resentment when we realize that our SO's dreams come one after the other and we will have to keep putting ours off, indefinitely. Living WITH someone is very different from living FOR someone. Living with someone means that our lives are matched and continues side by side, living for someone means our lives are molded around theirs and continues steps behind theirs.