So glad to hear that my kids don't matter :(
So DH and I spoke to our lawyer yesterday about the upcoming visitation agreement meeting with BM and her lawyer. And what does she tell us? Even though we can barely pay for all of our expenses right now (and rent and insurance are increasing) BM can go after DH for more child support. The fact that he now has another child, DD, and a baby on the way doesn't matter to the court. It doesn't matter to the court that BM spends a sh*t load of money on toys, fast food and donuts for SD all the time but that our kids just get the necessities because that is all we can afford. Not only that, DH's health benefits through work have a maximum amount that we can claim each year and BM wants her own insurance card for SD so that she can use as much of it as she wants whenever she wants and leave nothing for DD and the future baby. I am so stressed out right now and so frusterated that to the court, my kids don't matter, only DH's bastard daughter with his ex girlfriend matters to them. They don't care that BM sits on her ass and collects welfare when she is perfectly capable of working. They don't care that she has money to spend on everything she wants but that DH, DD and I are on such a tight budget that we have no extra money. They don't care that SD gets everything she wants at BM's house but that the kids only get what they need hear because we can't afford to do anything extra for them.
I hate to say it because DH is such an amazing husband and father and we have such an amazing relationship, but I wish I had never married him. If I had known that my children were going to suffer because of his decision not to wrap it up 4 years ago I never would have married him and started a family. I hate this! I am so mad at him for being such a careless idiot, and I am mad at myself for letting the love I had for him from back when we were teenagers cloud my judgement and make me think that him already having a child wouldn't ruin my life.
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Krazykate, I'm so sorry, I
I thought I posted this
I thought I posted this already, but I guess not. Unless you deleted it for some reason…
How much does your DH pay and is it above guidelines? Hopefully others will see this and be reminded that “in the eyes of the law” first familys come first. So…unless you make a butt ton of money…do not have kids with a man that already has that obligation to another woman.
Not fair…but it is what it is.
Willow...but how does that
Willow...but how does that help? because honestly most women will NOT see that message. New relationships and marriages should be able to have a family unit....it IS unfair and something has to change. The more step-families, the more noise we will hear about this.
I know they may do this to discourage divorce-but in reality who thinks that far ahead about cs, if you remarry, if they have kids etc when you just want OUT of a marriage. So the courts making a point AFTER the fact doesn't help anyone!-NOBODY!
I feel the same way. but only
I feel the same way. but only that I came with two children of my own and now I have one with my DH. So we both came into this relationship with kids. But I do feel you because the three here with us don't get as much as SS does at BM's house.
Do they have joint LEGAL? If
Do they have joint LEGAL? If so, no need for her to have an insurance card for SD since she is SUPPOSEDLY supposed to be consulting the bio-dad for those situations anyway.
She has full custody but the
She has full custody but the CO states that she is to consult DH about ALL major decisions related to health, education, and general welfare. She doesn't though, she had SD baptised and didn't even tell us about it because she didn't want us there to support SD.
Can you get a "second
Can you get a "second opinion"? I was reading online that in Canada the point of CS is to ensure there is a similar standard of living in both residences. If you can prove that your standard of living is suffering maybe he can get a reduction? It's worth a try...
That is what we are trying to
That is what we are trying to do, but our lawyer isn't very optimistic because his ex girlfriend has a history of lying about her finances in order to get what she wants.
Willow...but how does that
Willow...but how does that help? because honestly most women will NOT see that message. New relationships and marriages should be able to have a family unit....it IS unfair and something has to change. The more step-families, the more noise we will hear about this.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I would hope it would discourage people from marrying into a situation that makes them feel the way the OP does. That is NOT a way to live.
They whole system needs to be changed…but until then, I would not advise anyone that is struggling financially to marry a man with a first family, much less, have kids with him.
We weren't struggling until
We weren't struggling until his ex girlfriend kept going after him for more money. When we started our family we knew that we would be able to cover all expenses with a little left over. It is only since she has been lying about her finances and gone after him for more money time and time again that we are struggling.
Also, the first lawyer we had told us that with each child we had the child support would be recalculated accordingly. Example, if DH has 1 child he pays BM the full amount for SD, if DH has 2 children they would take the amount of child support he should be paying for 2 and BM gets half, if he has 3 children they take the amount he would pay for 3 and give BM 1/3rd. Due to the fact that our lawyer told us that we did our financial calculations according to reduced child support payments with the addition of each of our children and we could afford to have up to 3 of our own. Unfortunately he had no idea what he was talking about and because of that we got screwed over and ended up having to pay more. Needless to say, he is no longer our lawyer.
Trust me, if I had known that there was a possibility of us having to pay more I wouldn't have brought children into this world. I trusted that our lawyer was telling us the truth and made a decision based on that information.
See and this is exactly why i
See and this is exactly why i said what I did..it's like saying 'you knew when you got married'....truth is a lot of times things change after we are already emotionally or legall committed that change our circumstances.
Welfare has never come after
Welfare has never come after DH for the child support, it has only ever been his ex girlfriend. Having never been on the welfare system I don't know how it works with the child support. The payments never used to go through FRO either, DH always just gave her cheques before.
Out of curiosity can you two
Out of curiosity can you two get divorced and then you can make CS official for you so that it lessens CS for BM? I know very little about this so I am just asking.
I suppose there is no way to prove that BM is lying either?
I would think that the BM
I would think that the BM would have to prove her financial position with her tax returns (which should include all income) and any rental agreement, utility bills, etc. Not sure how she is getting by by lying. Maybe I am just naive and think that the courts would actually request official documents to determine financial status.
BM gets money from her mother
BM gets money from her mother and possibly DH's mother (who by the way only sees SD, she doesn't care about her son's daughter with me) I'm sure that the courts have requested her financial information but those documents would show that she doesn't have as much as she does because she doesn't include the money she gets from other sources.
The formula is the formula.
The formula is the formula. And if you were to split, you child support wouldnt be as much as her's either. I dont like how it is set up. I think that both parents should be equally financially responsible.
DF and I are trying to have a
DF and I are trying to have a child. We both know that his other kids will always come first in the eyes of the court. 25% of his income is gone each week before he lays eyes on his check.
I wish we only had that to worry about.
Crazy BM has decided to go into full bitch mode. Welfare found out she lied about something and has cut off her day care voucher. Now she wants DF to pay the full cost of daycare for SD4 ($460 per month) in addition to CS. There's a public school near us that still has space in their preK program.(FREE)DF and I went in this morning to pick up the enrollment info. She can start tomorrow. Great right? Nope, BM has said HELL NO, you're going to pay for her to stay right where she is. }:)
We go to court next week for another CS modification(the 4th time in 7 months). Based on the texts, voice messages and what I've read on facebook, BM is getting her ducks in a row, hoping the judge will force DF to pay for SD4 to remain in the day care and increase CS.
We have proof that the school has space for her, and that it's free,but I have a feeling BM may win this one.
She doesn't work so she
She doesn't work so she qualifies for headstart. But Since it's free,she won't apply. She wants to stick it to DF.
She really doesn't need daycare. She's home all day and her classes are at night. The girls stay with an aunt while BM is in class.
If BM is on welfare, one
If BM is on welfare, one would assume she is not working so WTF does she need daycare? ARGHHHHH these people drive me INSANE!!!@#$%^@#$^%$&*
I wish we could do this but
I wish we could do this but in order for us to get her more we would have to go to trial. BM gets legal aid and we don't so she fights EVERYTHING DH requests because she knows it drains our money. My dad has given us a loan to pay for the fighting we are doing now, but he isn't very well off and can't afford to loan us enough money to go to trial and fight for more time with SD. Even if we did have SD 50% of the time DH would still have to pay CS because he works and BM doesn't.
It was a good suggestion though
Also, be careful with the
Also, be careful with the custody as this varies by State. In mine for instance we have full residential custody of one SS and 50/50 split of the other and we still pay BM 50% of DH's pay because the court won't consider our DS and the goal of Child support in a slip parenting situation here is to provide the child with the same quality of life at each home....so here you actually pay much more if you want to spend time with your children than if you just abandon them. (Not to mention her Social Security, Food Stamps, Welfare, etc. don't count as income) Good luck. The system is disgustingly twisted at this point
Trust me when I say that I
Trust me when I say that I would not have based a HUGE life decision (i.e. having children) on the advice from a friend. So please don't question my integrity in hinting that I am lying by saying it was a lawyer who gave us that information.
When we confronted our lawyer about having child support lowered he changed his story and said that because the supreme court hadn't made a ruling on a case like that before that he couldn't pursue having the payment lowered. He originally led us to believe that the supreme court had already made that ruling and it would be something we could pursue.
Your problem is of two equal
Your problem is of two equal parts.
1) A worthless entitlement breeder of a BM.
2) Typical bottom 10%er of the legal profession family law attorney.
Get a new attorney, get a PI to nail BMs lying ass to the wall and keep pushing until you put her in to a refridgerator box under the interstate over pass and then get custody of your Skid.
Not cheap, not easy but it can work.
We did have to fight for custody of my SS. Before we married SpermGrandMa filed for custody of my SS in the SpermIdiot's name. That started out multi year legal battle with the SpermClan.
They never got custody, got a reasonable amount of visitation and paid an insultingly small amount of CS ($110/mo) that went up gradually every time they tried to take us back to court.
You can do the same to BM but it will take a bit longer since she has custody.
Hang in there.
Good luck.
I'm sorry... They courts
I'm sorry...
They courts take into consideration of our children, I wonder y they don't do yours...