DH and I are getting a divorce. I can no longer handle the fact that he will not set appropraite boundaries with his ex wife. This has been going on for five years. She has stalked my BD when she was five and DH told me not to do anything because he didn't want to p!ss her off and she might go after him for child support. She stalked him and he did nothing about it. She has called CPS on him and filed false child abuse allegations. She has harassed us for the last five years, badmouths DH to their kids, effs him over every chance she gets, threatens him, bullies him, lies and manipulates him and he does nothing. Doesn't set appropriate boundaries with her and puts us right back into situations where we get effed like he's the only one living this life.

DH and I made an agreement after BM tried to steal Christmas morning from him last year that she wouldnt get any time for his week of Christmas this year. What does he do? He turns around and makes an agreement with BM behind my back and gives her the kids on Christmas Eve because and I quote, "it's what's in the best interest of the kids". Are you effing kidding me? So if BM doesn't bring the kids back on their agreed upon time then calling the police on their mother while they are with her on SD's bday which happens to Christmas Eve is in the best interest of the kids? She's done this type of thing before when he gave her time on his week to spend with the kids on a holiday. I was always under the impression that protecting children from sh!t like that was in their best interest. And if the thought of having to call the police because of a decision that you made crosses your mind before you make the decision then don't do it. It's not worth the risk.

Of course he sees nothing wrong with what he did. Any agreement made with his wife is BS and he'll do as he damn well pleases regardless. Infact he doesn't even think that I have the right to pissed about any of this and claims that he has done nothing to piss me off. In about two weeks BM is going to rain down 25k worth of hell on (would've been us) on him and he doesn't understand why I'm upset. We shouldn't be in the same effing situation with her that we were in five years ago. That's my effing problem. The sheer fact that this has been going on for effing five years is what makes me upset and he refuses to set boundaries with her that prevent her from putting us in these types of situations. Infact, he gives her the opportunity to pull her sh!t willingly (case in point Christmas Eve).

We have fought about this for years. I have fought for us for years. Even after he promised me that we would have a child together and then told me other wise a year later I still stayed with him out of love. After he told me that we would have a child after we paid the credit card off and then went out behind my back and racked up another 4500 of debt on it, I still stayed with him. I loved him enough to push aside the one thing that I wanted the most for him and for us and he can't even cut the umbilical cord to his ex wife.

He has told me more than once to leave him when we fight about this and I have come to the conclusion that he still has feelings or something for her. There's something there. I don't know if it's because of how abussive she was to him and that's why he reacts the way he does with her and lets her pull her sh!t all of the time and never does anythigng about it. He would rather I leave him then deal with his ex wife and get her to a point where she no longer can run amuck in our life. He would rather keep his ex wife in his life and let me leave then do what needs to be done in order to get her to stop.

He of course disagrees with this and has proceeded to call me crazy as well as other things because that's just absured. To me, it's the only thing that makes since. Why would someone allow someone else to terrorize their life and not do anything about it and then tell his wife to leave because she wants him to set boundaries in the situation so that the drama goes down severly because she's effing upset about it. He tells me it's because he just doesn't care and that it doesn't affect him. WTF!! I have watched this man bawl over some of the effed up sh!t this lady has done to him (the CPS thing). And if it bothers me, which it does, then is should matter to him and he should do everything in his power to make it stop. But he won't. And how her stalking my BD when she was five didn't bother him is beyond me unless he's just never cared about her to begin with. I am not asking him to have no contact with her or to cut her out of the picture. What I am asking is that he gets the situation under control by any means possible so that it quits putting stress on our marriage and our life together. That's it. That's all. And he won't do it. He refuses to do it.

Am I wrong here ladies? Am I as crazy as DH thinks I am?

I know for a fact that if we agreed upon something and then I made other arrangements that went against that agreement he would have my a$$ on a platter. In fact just this past weekend, I let my BD off of grounding not even a day earlier. It was the night before she would have gotten off (Saturday) and she had been grounded since thrusday so that we could watch the new Superman movie and what does he do? Refuses to put the movie on until my BD leaves the room and then finally goes into SS's room with SS to watch it becaue he knew we wouldn't follow him. Then before he leaves the room he proceeds to explain to SS in front of me and my BD that GameOn and DH made an agreement and he is going to make sure that the agreement is met. SS is 6. WTF is that? Um....we never made an agreement and I have lost track of the amount of times he has let his kids off a punishment early after we talked about it or just didn't do anything after we agreed that he would. Who does that type of a thing? Not to mention the picture of his a$$ that he texted me in response to my texts and then he even got in my face being passive aggressive in front of the kids. And he has no clue why I am pissed off and thinks that he has done no wrong and I'm the crazy one who is just mad because and I quote, "I am an unhappy person".

About six months after we first met I got pregnant. I made a choice to terminate that preganacy (not proud and it haunts me everyday. I wish I would of never done it). I made that choise because he couldnt afford another child and neither could I and we both knew that it would ruin our relationship. So I made the choice out of my love for him, my desire to see us work, and his promise that we would have a child together in the future. I live with the guilt everyday of my life. It has destroyed me. Wrecked me emotionally. I have never recovered from that choice and I don't think that I ever will. And what did I do it for? I have sacraficed my morals and eithics for him, my dreams, and anything else that I needed to sacrafice in order to make us work and I can even get him to let go of his ex wife. And he doesn't even care. He esentailly told me to eff off and that I'm crazy and to have a nice life when I brought it up. Oh and then he called me cruel. I asked him, since I'm cruel, exactly what assessment he has done on himself and what classification that he fits into. He didn't answer that question.

I'm just at a completel loss here. I don't understand what's going on. And I don't understand why he doesn't love me enough to fix things.

He has no problems telling me to eff off or to shut the eff up and then does nothing to his ex when she pulls her sh!t. Then when asked about this he tells me that he does it because he loves me and there's no need to say or do anything towards his ex because he doesn't love her anymore. He has called the police on me and accused me of stealing his stuff (it was actually gifts that his parents had gotten me for birthdays and Christmas), then talked his mother into telling me that she actually bought those things for the house. The only thing that stopped me from getting arrested for felony theft (the stuff was over 500 dollars) is the fact that he was inviolation of his probabtion for his DUI because he was drunk. If he wasn't on probabtion, I would have gone to jail for felony theft. His mother would have vouched for him and said it was his stuff. Once I told DH that he was in violation of his probabtion he couldn't get those cops off of his property fast enouth. Funny that he doesn't want to get himself in trouble for probation vilation and lying to the police but he has not problem sending my a$$ to jail based on a lie that he told. Oh and the reason he did it was because he didn't want me to leave him. Atleast that's what he told me.

This whole situation is nuts. It's so stressful on me. I just don't know what to do. What type of person behaves this way and does these things? And why do I never get the right to be upset about any of it?