Kinda OT - I don't trust DH
This is not about cheating; emotional, physical, or financial.
A little background - almost five years ago, DH got a vasectomy at my suggestion. I was convinced I didn't want kids, my career wouldn't allow it, etc. Well, I'll be 38 next month, and my biological clock is going off HARD. I know it's purely hormonal, because at least half the time I feel like I always did; it's only certain times of the month that I am constantly in tears wanting a kid and being jealous of f-ing BM, of all people. The problem is, it's getting worse, not better.
My sister is less than 3 weeks away from delivering her first (and only) kid, and has been "updating" my mom and me every other freakin' day. It's all sorts of bubbly stuff about how wonderful this whole pregnancy/anticipating baby thing is. THIS DOESN'T HELP. I got into it with my mom this morning when she mentioned that my sister had emailed us - I told her I didn't want to see that. She tried to guilt me, and when I hung up, I spend ten minutes sobbing. DH got all indignant on my behalf and declared that he would say something to my mom when we saw her today.
What happened? Not a damn thing. The man, like a lot of your DHs, is SO conflict-averse that he wouldn't say sh!t if he had a mouthful.
Now he's butthurt because I flat out told him that I don't trust him to back me up. Not even with my mother, who loves me, let alone with BM, who hates my guts. THIS is why I am dreading skid pickup this year; I'm afraid sh!t is going to go down, and I'll be doing it all myself with no backup.
February can't get here soon enough. I'm going for a lovely 8/9-month 'vacation' in Southern Afghanistan. I'll be too busy to obsess about babies, and I won't have to hear about anything to do with BM or my new niece. Hallelujah.
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Comments
I'm sorry you have baby fever
I'm sorry you have baby fever right now. I, ironically, just posted a blog about the same thing.
That said, when you love someone, you are happy for their happiness. The fact that your sister is having her one and only child is an exciting time for her...AND your mother. This is her grandchild. I think "telling your mom off" is no business of your DH's, and you should probably revamp your attitude toward your family.
y'know SAF, even though I
y'know SAF, even though I agree with you quite a bit, you really rub me the wrong way with your sanctimonious preachy tone. Reminds me of BM.
I never said I wanted my sister and my mother to stop being excited - I just said that the excitement (that I am cc:ed on, without asking) is hard for me to deal with emotionally.
Nor did I ask DH to "tell my mother off" "Saying something" does not necessarily denote hostility.
I ended up asking them to drop me off the updates, told them that I had reasons, it wasn't anything personal. I suspect I've pissed off my sister, but it's no big loss; we have grown apart and (oooh, I'm a horrible person) I'm not in the mood to kiss her ass all the time and make all of the relationship effort that she demands. Just because we're blood doesn't mean we're friends.
Fact remains that DH would rather keep his mouth shut and throw me under the bus than stand by my side verbally. It's a good thing I get along with my inlaws and SD16, otherwise I suspect my marriage would be over.
When my DH and I got
When my DH and I got together, I didn't want kids. He had already gotten a vasectomy. It seemed to work perfectly. Then, I see all the shit he does for the BM because THEY have kids together... and it sort of made me start rethinking. I'm sure I don't really want kids... but sometimes it feels like I am missing out on a piece of my DH. Especially, I KNOW I could be suuuuccch a better mom than her skanky ass.
I feel ya, girl. And, I think that sometimes when we're struggling to understand our own emotions, it's hard to have realistic expectations of others.
It was YOUR mom. I don't think my DH would ever say something, or stand up to MY mom. I would stand up to my mom for him... he with his. But, I think that is probably gonna have to fall on you if she is being insensitive. Moms can definitely be that way... trust me, I know.
Omgosh do I understand... He
Omgosh do I understand... He shld have nicely told your mother to lay off a lil as you are dealing with some emotions and yes you don't want kids most of the time but right now you're dealing with alot of emotions and while you're happy and excited for your.sister you are wondering if you made rt choice. And you both wld appreciate just a lil sensitivity in this area. But nope he didn't do. All bark no bite. And you don't want him to b rude or disrespectful ... Just be a man and take a lil control ... Ughhhh n I don't care whooooo it is... The man shld protect and bk his woman. Rt now you're feeling vulnerable and just nd him to step up so u can breathe and u nd to feel secure in your decision and have him also hug and reassure you. You just nd him to b strong for awhile. And you sound like a strong woman, so you nd a STRONG man ... I'm a strong woman n have always sd to b with me he HAS to b strong. Trust your long time instinct... Children aren't for everyone and I think it's hard to hear so much about your sister pregnancy. But, when you see your niece, you will fall inlove knowing aha!!! I will b her fav aunt!!! You get all the joy... So try to b excited for your sister ... All pregnant women are obnoxious with how they feel the world revolves around them lol.... Just enjoy the parts you can.. Don't feel guilty or bad either... Good luck!
Eehhhh I personally would not
Eehhhh I personally would not want my husband confronting my mother, that would just make things worse for everyone.
I have a friend that is a 38 year old Army Chopper pilot. Similar to you she wanted her career and to be successful in it. She married another pilot who was the single dad of two kids, he also had a V. Tried the reversal and it did not work. She was so distraught she became obsessed with being prego. Her sister, also in the military, got knocked up by some random guy in DC. She was so mad that her sister was prego she did not speak to her for over a year. Instantly cut off communication. I found that reaction to be very extreme, and unfair to the sister. Fast forward a year and my friend is now prego with twins via invitro, now the sister relationship has mended.
I don't think it is too late for you to try for a child. You can use military facilities, and just pay lab fees, and try different ways of conceiving. I would use your time in the sandbox to explore your options, when you can, and decide what is best for you.