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How do you become the matriarch of a family that is currently made up of someone else's biological children?

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Submitted by futuremrs.k on Mon, 06/07/2010 - 3:50pm

I have always dreamt of being this loving mother who makes everyone comfortable as soon as they are home. Makes the cookies, dinner, overflowing with hugs and advice, etc. Which I feel I have successfully created at my household for the most part. But, then there are the times when I go to school events and not only am I not in the front seat of my own life anymore, I barely feel like I'm in the car! How do you SM's have the confidence to just stand up and be who you are while BM is around? I get so self concious because I feel like she has to throw out the Mommy word to everyone.

Hardest 2 days since I've been with DFH- big rant

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Submitted by futuremrs.k on Fri, 05/28/2010 - 2:36pm

The kids graduated yesterday and had a field day today. These last two days have been the hardest since I started seeing DFH! Yesterday, DFH, myself, his parents, my mom, BM and her parents all attended the graduation. It was agreed for the kids sake that we would all sit together. As introductions were made, BM introduced herself to my mother using her married last name, that she still keeps "for the kids". Then, DFH parents start talking to her and completely ignore me when it was just the 4 of us there! Then, picture time came and the first photo taken is of the "nuclear" family!

Silly problem, but it's important to me! Need advice!

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Submitted by futuremrs.k on Fri, 05/21/2010 - 3:21pm

DFH and I need to exercise, badly! We are both terribly out of shape and need to get healthy. For our sake and I think the kids too. Well, we have the kids certain nights throughout the week and nearly every weekend. In order to workout atleast 3 nights a week, we will have to do so on atleast one night we have the kids. They are little and can not be left alone. The gym we belong to has a kids play area that we can utilize, but I am afraid that DFH is going to feel too guilty about not spending the time with them and will nix the whole thing.

Not a big surprise, but BM is a gigantic hypocrit!

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Submitted by futuremrs.k on Sat, 04/03/2010 - 2:43pm

Last night, DFH called to talk to the kids, as he does every night they are not with us. The kids offered up that they were out of town. So, when BM got back on the phone DFH asked her where they were. She said they were in "X-town" and if there was anything else he needed to discuss with her. She completely blew him off and was not going to tell him except that the kids had mentioned it. She did say that they were down there with her new boyfriends family.

Does it ever make you sad....

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Submitted by futuremrs.k on Fri, 04/02/2010 - 4:38pm

that you're dh, or in my case, dfh, had a lot of life's firsts like becoming a father, marriage, etc with someone that never loved him. My dfh was married for nearly 10 years. She cheated on him within the first year and a half, they were miserable for the next 3 and half (he went on vacations alone in that time) and then had a child. So, the next almost 5 years were spent trying to make it through for the kids. It just kills me that we can not experience stuff together as a couple that he has not already done.

OT- Kind of...

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Submitted by futuremrs.k on Fri, 03/05/2010 - 4:42pm

Does anyone else's fh have trouble answering their cell phone?! My dfh hates phones and I do not think he has answered on my first try in over 4 months! It is so annoying! I know he's not avoiding me because I see him not answer all the time! He keeps his phone on silent! He insists that we not have a house phone because "what's the point'? But I am a little old fashioned and when I am on my way home from work, I like to call and check in to see if I should pick anything up! Well sometimes, I will call and get a text back! This drives me nuts! How about you?!

School involvement with sk

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Submitted by futuremrs.k on Fri, 03/05/2010 - 3:20pm

FH has 2 kindergartners and the school is having special friend/grandparents day! I would really like to go since it is inappropriate for me to be involved in parent/teacher nights. Have your kids ever had this at their school? Did you go? Should I fight for this? I do their homework with them and I am very involved in their studies and would love to meet teachers and classmates! What to do?!

Lucky

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Submitted by futuremrs.k on Mon, 03/01/2010 - 9:35am

To all of the steps/future steps on here, do you think our significant others really understand how lucky they are to have found someone to not only love them but their children too? I have been with fdh for a year now and I am still absolutely, positively in love with him and his children! However, there are days that at any other stage in my life and with any other man and any other children, I would have been on the highway heading out of town faster than you could say jack rabbit! FDH and I met right after he and his ex split.

Clothing

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Submitted by futuremrs.k on Fri, 02/26/2010 - 3:47pm

So, bf and I have chosen to buy a whole set of clothes for the kids to keep at our house. However, they are learning to tie their shoes right now, so we agreed to just buy the one pair of shoes with ties so they could practice. This has been working out just fine until lately. She keeps putting the kids in the velcro shoes, so she doesnt have to bother helping them AND not returning the tie shoes when they come home! BF mentioned this to her and it just continues. Are we being ridiculous? How do you handle clothing between the homes?