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Oh that's it! THAT IS IT! Somebody hold down Tall Boy while I smack him silly!

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Submitted by Drac0 on Tue, 07/07/2015 - 10:19am

This from last night.

I'll just post the conversation. I am sure you can imagine the rest.

Me: "What in the name of the seven heavens are you doing?"

SS: "I'm moonwalking."

Me: "You're moonwalking to Stevie Nicks?"

SS: "Yeah!"

Me: "You don't moonwalk to Stevie Nicks!"

SS: "Why not?"

Me: "Because....because....YOU JUST DON'T!!!"

Results are in

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Submitted by Drac0 on Sat, 06/27/2015 - 8:27am

Failed two courses. Barely passed Math. Teachers are recommending summer school.

DW is not sure what to do. I was about to tell her something but she just raised her hand and said "I know what you are going to say".

Neither DW nor SS get it.

I'm not pissed off. Disappointed, yes. But not pissed off. This kid wants to flush his future, he is welcome to it. Only job he'll get is slaughtering pigs at one of the slaughterhouses outside of town.

Hello? "Bates Motel" Studios? I think I found one of your scripts....

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Submitted by Drac0 on Fri, 06/26/2015 - 8:38am

More tales from DW's cell phone...

SS: Does my buspass work?

DW: Yes, It's paid until the end of the month. Why?

SS: I want to use it

DW: Where are you going?

SS: Dunno yet

DW: Who are you going with?

10 minutes pass

DW: SS? I asked you a question

SS: I think I might go to the mall

DW: WITH WHO!?

another 10 minute pause

What to do when Granpa has a potty mouth? (OT)

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Submitted by Drac0 on Tue, 06/23/2015 - 1:13pm

So I am washing the dishes when DW comes to talk to me.

"You really need to speak you your Dad!"

Uh oh....My Dad has a bit of a potty mouth. I have talked to him about it before because the kids are starting to pick up on it. So the moment DW brings up my Dad, I instinctively know what the issue is.

"What has he done now?" I ask.

"You know those chocolate covered berries your parents give the kids as a treat sometimes?

"Yeah, what about them?"

"Your Dad is calling them 'goat shit'."

"Goat shit?"

Game of 72 - (Off Topic but Scary sh*T)

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Submitted by Drac0 on Tue, 06/16/2015 - 8:06am

Google it.

It's fucking insane!

I can tell you right now, if ANY of my kids pull that crap on me, I am going to borrow an idea from the Twilight Zone. Change the locks, remodel their room into my own private den and erase any and all existence of their presence in my house. Then, when they return home I'll say "Who are you? I don't know you. Get the fuck off my property before I call the cops!". Send them into a panic for a change.

Sorry if this ruins some of your mornings. This made me grumpy and stabby. Just getting the word out.

Need coffee.

OT: My three-year-old daughter just handed my ass back to me....

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Submitted by Drac0 on Thu, 06/11/2015 - 1:04pm

Long story short, BD is very "touchy/feely". When we watch TV she has to press up against you. It's a tad annoying and DW and I are trying to teach her that there is a difference between "cuddling" and "invading personal space". She does this at the dinner table too. She'll push her chair so that it is touching mine (or DW's) and she will eat while pressing her side against ours.

When we tell her to stop she will say "But I wanna touch you!" over and over....I guess it is a comfort thing with her?

More Tales from DW's Cell Phone

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Submitted by Drac0 on Wed, 06/10/2015 - 9:49am

I wasn't snooping. DW asked me to look at something. She wasn't receiving any texts yesterday.

This text convo happened last week between SS and DW, sometime in the afternoon while DW was still at work. I should ask DW how it is possible she is capable of texting SS during work hours when her office has strict policies against cell phone usage in the office.

Meh...

SS: Something wrong with lptop

DW: What? Not working?

SS: Something rolling around inside.

DW: The laptop fell on the floor 6 months ago. Could be a screw that came out.

Final Exams? What Final Exams?

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Submitted by Drac0 on Mon, 06/08/2015 - 8:50am

SS's finals are this week.

I am the only one in the house that was aware of this.

Dw knew that he had finals "some time" this month but she wasn't sure exactly when. She was expecting SS to be on top of this.

SS? Completely and utterly clueless.

Me: "SS, what exam do you have tomorrow?"

SS: "I dunno"

Me: "You don't know? Okay, so obviously since you don't know what exam you have tomorrow, you are obviously not preparing for it. Since you are not preparing for it, how do you expect to pass?"

SS: *shrug*

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