Over it
My frustration level has reached the max. My sd is 15 but acts like a 12 year old, she takes no accountability for anything she says or does and expects the world to be handed to her on a silver platter. For example she got a "c" on her math test and blamed the teacher saying she did everything right. Ummm it's a math test obviously she didn't do it right. She's also manipulative as hell asks me for something I say no then she gets a yes from dad and plays dumb. My dh makes every excuse in the world for sd and never hold her accountable. To make matters worse my 7 and 11 yr old bd have to meet my standard which are much higher than my dd's and he says they're too high for sd. Are you kidding me??? The 7 yr old is more capable than the 15 year old! This is why people get divorced, I'm about done trying. I refuse to let his little terror influence my kids and take away from all the hard work I've put in!
Dont try with her anymore.
Dont try with her anymore. Disengage from her, let him do his guilty daddy stuff and let her fail. It wont be on you, and your kids will be shining examples of your style of parenting. You cant fix stupid, and it sounds like DH would rather baby her and let her be that way, than be a parent and discipline her.
You couldn't be more right!
You couldn't be more right!
My SD15 is also very
My SD15 is also very immature. My DD10 is more mature than her and I trust her more. SD15 lives with us fulltime. I no longer care what grades she gets in school. I don't tell her to do her homework. She just lies about it all anyway. She also likes to blame the teachers for her bad grades. She lies and says she has no homework and we see all the zeros on her progress reports because she doesn't do any homework. I have DH handle it all. I don't get involved.
If she asks for something or if she can do something I tell her to call her father and ask him. Since I have stopped caring, me and DH get along so much better. I think when I criticize his daughter he takes it as a personal attack on him. It was causing wars in our house. Now I don't even mention her name unless he asks a question and we get along really great!! I keep my mouth shut for the most part. Or if she really does something stupid that he needs to know about I just state the facts with no opinions and he can deal with it. Not my kid, not my problem!
Sounds exactly like my house
Sounds exactly like my house she lives with us full time as well. I initially wanted to have a good relationship with her but seems like I'm only allowed to play mom when it's to her benefit like shopping, cleaning, cooking or organizing parties. I've had enough of her playing the innocent victim and think I'll take your advice...
I'd like you to read the
I'd like you to read the linked article but before doing so just to make sure the subject is covered I'll tell you what I did while disengaged from a step-daughter when asked for permission to do something. She had double asked her mother and I also except it was me who said yes having no knowledge of her mothers answer. I never would have over-ruled her mother.
Anyway the next time it came up I told the girl that I had no authority to let her go to the mall that she should ask her mother. The girl said mom said to not call her at work. I said "sorry I cannot give you permission". The girl had lost all trust with me and along with it lost at least one opportunity to go to the mall.
The point being you don't give your step permission or denial to do anything. She asks Dad or takes her chances. You only involve yourself if its a life or death type situation requiring immediate intervention. Otherwise just stay out of the girls life.
Click here: http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html
Great article, thank you!
Great article, thank you!
I agree with OCC on this one.
I agree with OCC on this one. When it comes to Teens, leave those suckers be and disengage. Take away their power of manipulation, at least where it involves you. You can't be held accountable for anything related to her so don't put yourself in the position. If she fails, fine. If she starts smoking crack, fine. If she gets pregnant, fine. That's on DH to deal with.
With your own kids, make sure they know your standards and expectations and that they stand regardless of what SD15 does. If they ever ask why they are held to higher standards, tell them what DH said--that SD15 is mentally unable to be held to the same standards.