My H had a daughter with his 1st wife. They had a nasty divorce and he eventually got custody. We got married the same year. I helped him get custody and was excited about helping his daughter have a good life. I had a baby boy the following yr. Then her BM signed over her rights and quit calling and no more visits. I adopted her in 2008. Then her BM died in 2009. No goodbyes. There was a lot of money spent for custody and adoption and we are still in debt. Her BM gave her up and then signed over rights so it sucks that we had attorney because she just gave her up anyway!! We struggle financially and I am resentful. Sorry. I am human. I tried very hard to pick up the pieces and bond with her. Our relationship was very good for a couple years. She was 7 then and is almost 11 now. Now it is horrible. I admit it is more me than her. I am not sure what my problem is or what went wrong, but I am making all of us miserable. I am pissy about 6 days a week with her. All my other relationships are awesome. She brings out the worst in me. I wonder if I may have OCPD that I heard about on the site. The things she does-lying, never ready when I ask her to be, always "forgetting" to do everything like brushing teeth, chores, etc.-are these normal kid issues and I am just a control freak?? It goes on everyday all day. She used to be a good student but now her grades have gotten worse. Is it my fault for going to work and not helping as much? Her dad helps, but she forgets to bring home the work!! Her pediatrician did diagnose her ADD but we never gave her the meds. We don't think she has ADD but it's possible. I just felt like we needed to take a closer look before we just put our child on meds. We have tried making a list for her to check off. This helps but every day is a battle. I am a very productive, responsible, punctual, maybe neurotic (OCPD????)?? I get so frustrated and it has been going on for so long that I don't want to be around her. I was a stay at home mom and never really liked it. This took it's toll on our relationship. Now I work 2 jobs and am glad to have somewhere to go to spend time away from her. She is a very sweet kid. Everyone says she is testing me, but sometimes I think maybe she is just bad at listening and focusing. Her dad is the same way. I really feel like she wants to please me and wants to be closer to me, but I take her actions personal as a lack of respect?? I also think that she is like her BM-the world revolves around her. When I get upset about her making us late all the time she has an attitude and says "what's the big deal?" UGHHH! We went to a family counselor because we thought she might want to talk to someone besides us about everything that has happened with her BM(this is before BM died but after she signed over her rights). All she wanted to talk about was how mean I am and that I yell at her! But she wouldn't tell the counselor why i get upset. So we quit going. Yes, I know it sounds like I gave up. I don't want to, but I am very confused and resentful. I need help and I don't know who to talk to. I feel so different about my baby and my adopted daughter and I feel horrible about it. Please someone talk to me.