Where do i begin! I guess I feel trapped and hopeless. I've been dating a guy for the past 3.5 years, when i met him he had a child from his previous relationship (she was two at the time, now she's 5.) We moved in together not long after meeting. I knew from the beginning i would find hardships in a relationship where he had a child already.. her mother being the first of our issues and causing a lot of arguments, insecurity, etc. I'm young. I was 20 when we met, now 24. But it was something i was happy to accept into my life. Him and I were great together, his child was a sweetheart and i was looking to settle down anyway. I was in school, working full time.. I was super involved in her and loved being around her when i was. He had her about 30% but i'd only see her weekend days here and there and bed time really. I was very motherly and would always do her laundrey, clean up after her when, etc. He was working from home and taking care of her. Fast forward two years and we found out we were expecting (my first) baby. I guess that's when insecurity shot up. It was a suprise pregnancy but we decided we were both okay with it. He just didn't seem involved in the duration of the pregnancy, or like he cared. We fought a lot. I felt like it was just his 'second time around.' I craved being with someone who was experiencing such an incredible time, for the first time and by my side.. I had to accept that wasn't the case and knew it's 'what i signed up for.' He had also fought in court to increase his time with her. We now had 50% custody. A couple of weeks before my daughter arrived, I was on disability. My boyfriend was in school and it happen to be during finals time. The responsability of her was pushed on to me. Suddenly I was doing a lot, including being her transportation between houses in a time where I really just wanted to focus on myself and my pregnancy. When my daughter was born, it was the end of the school year and my step kid was going to be on summer break soon after. My boyfriend was about to start a FT internship and I was fortunate to have a 5 month leave to be home with baby. That of course, gave me the full responsability of my step child too. That's when I began to feel resentful. I was a brand new mother who had also endured a major surgery (c section.) I didn't know what I was doing but I did know i did not want to spend my time entertaining his 4 year old. I tried to voice my feelings but my boyfriend was constantly defensive, couldn't even tip toe into my shoes or perspective and just all around didn't get it. He was mad at me for feeling this way. He told me we could never have another baby since I can't take care of my baby and his child and he would make me feel horrible saying that his child thinks of me as her mommy. Fast forward a year later and it's still so hard. I do everything from pick up and drop offs at the crack of dawn 45 min each way, to laundrey, feeding, groceries, all day entertainment etc. I try so hard but constantly feel guilty because i don't enjoy talking about her mother all day, i don't enjoy running all around trying to entertain her. I don't enjoy it. I feel like if i didn't have so much obligation to her I would be an infinately better step mother. I wouldn't step mother will so much annoyance. She's amazing, shes beautifully well behaved and so funny. But i'm resentful. We have her 50% of the time but my boyfriend is constantly working. How can I be mad? He's paying for my bills but our relationship has gotten so bad he has called me just his 'baby sitter.' His daughter should not be with me, she should be with her mother. God forbid I say that though. It just feels like my life has been consumed by his daughter.. I didn't realize I was signing up for this when I got into my relationship. I've considered leaving him entirely but I know he would simply fight for the custody of my baby to pawn her off to his next 'baby sitter/ girlfriend." I feel entirely hopeless. Am I insane? Please help. I'm open to any opinion. Thank you.